Where do I start??

[Elderberrybabe]

My son is nearly 8. He's always struggled with the school environment. He's currently on the waiting list for an ASD assessment. He's not "meeting his expectations" and has gotten to the point where school does not interest him at all. This last week he has hurt himself 3 times in the classroom. He's banged his head on the table and clawed at his face and neck. He lacks skills to verbalise what has lead him to this but after speaking with his teachers we believe it's been anxiety or a panic attack.
He has absolutely no support provided despite the teaching staff saying he needs more help than they can give. But, as he has no EHCP there's no provision for him.
I really feel like school is letting him down. At home he's a different boy. He's never purposely hurt himself and is happy and chatty. I have no idea where to start regarding homeschooling and I'm not even sure it would be the best option. I just wanted to get ideas from those more knowledgeable than me.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I feel like im really at my wits end.

It sounds like home ed could suit your son really well, since he is so much happier when not in school. He's been at school for years now and by the sounds of it, school has never worked for him.

One important thing to know about home education is that it doesn't have to be forever. It isn't a permanent commitment and isn't the huge deal people often make it out to be. You can try it and see how it goes. Some families home educate their special needs children for a few years while undergoing assessments and securing an EHCP in case they want a return to school later. Some kids may find primary school overwhelming but are okay at secondary, or the other way round.

So I don't think you need to think long and hard before removing him from school to try home ed. What would you be risking; what's the worst that could happen?

As for where to start, experienced home educators tend to recommend starting with a complete break from any adult-directed formal education, especially where the child has had a traumatic time at school. Give your child time to recover and be happy again. Let him play, read to him if he wants you to, talk to him, take him to the park, bake with him, play games together, take him to visit relatives - whatever cheers him up.

By law, you have to be providing an education from day one, but it can be informal and child-led. if the Local Authority ask about the education, you can write a report mentioning all the learning he has been doing through daily life. You can get help with this from other home educators.

That is what I would suggest. While your son recovers from school, you can explore different educational methods and maybe talk to other home ed families in your area to see what activities and social meets are on offer, though your son might not want to do anything like that just yet.

@Saracen Thank you for replying. This is such wonderful advice. Yes the thing that is terrifying to me is doing it long term and actually holding him back from achieving all that he can. Another thing is that I'm not "classroom clever" myself so teaching him subjects like maths and science seem really difficult to me.
Is there any information on suggested curriculums out there?

As I said I really appreciate your answer and I will probably keep referring back to it.

Have you considered requesting an EHCNA? If school isn’t appropriate you could then look at EOTAS. The benefit of EOTAS over EHE is it can fund far more support than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund themselves. In the meantime if DS isn’t able to attend school, and he isn’t if he is self harming three times a week because of school, you can pursue alternative provision.

The school should be making their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN whether he has an EHCP or not.

Thank you for the reply @SearchingForSolitude. I feel like until he has an EHCP nothing will be provided for him. In the classroom there is the teacher and the TA. The TA is currently working 1:1 with another child. This afternoon however the other child had 1:1 provided by another staff member so the TA was able to work with DS.

I did question his funding this morning. DS is on the SEN register so I asked where the extra funding goes for these children who are on the register. I was told that he has an extra phonics session and an extra reading session per week.... but these are provided within the school and are not meeting his mental health needs or his sensory needs.

The school have referred him to SEN services outside of the school as they won't apply for an EHCP until he has extra input from another service/professional.

I'm so very frustrated for my son

New Oak National resources are being produced by subject organisations so if you are looking for lessons that are structured like school but you can do at home then you might like these. Here are some maths ones:
https://www.thenational.academy/teachers/programmes/maths-primary-ks2/units
Make sure if you are exploring you only look at the "new" ones as some old ones were produced in lockdown.

Hello OP,
You’ve had some good advice so far.
My soon to be 8 year old son has asd and has always been home educated. We attempted 1/2 a day a week at an informal setting when he was 5 and even that was too much and he displayed the same behaviours as your son. It is all anxiety led with him.

I’d recommend going on Facebook and joining the home education groups - there are nationwide and local ones - all useful for different things. There are also home Ed SEND groups which can be really helpful.

If you both feel up to it finding your local groups and meet ups can be really helpful. When you begin to meet people in person or attend groups and gatherings doors begin to open and it can feel less daunting / isolating.

Our home Ed is ever changing with the children but our primary focus is positive mental health.

Request an EHCNA yourself. You don’t need the school to apply. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. In the meantime, if DS is unable to attend school you can request s.19 provision yourself. IPSEA also has a model letter if you need to go down that route.

@Gagaandgag Thank you for replying. I've joined a couple of fb groups. At the moment it all seems very daunting. Mainly about whether I'm up to it.... I know it's in the distant future but when it's all over and he's 16 with no "recognisable" qualifications then what?? On the other hand the way he's going now it's unlikely he'll get any anyway plus it will really damage his mental health.

@SearchingForSolitude yes, I was looking at applying myself. The SEN department has constantly been telling me that because my DS has no diagnosis as yet and has no other professionals involved outside of the school the likelihood of him being successful is low. However, the class teachers have told me that he needs more support than they can provide.

I thank you all for the replies- this is why I love MN ❤️

@CaramelisedLeeks Thank you for the link. Yes, I remember using those during lockdown.

Has anyone used a private tutor to help in certain areas (such as maths 🙄)

You don’t need a diagnosis for an EHCP. They are based on needs, not diagnosis. The involvement of outside professionals isn’t essential either. The only legal test for an EHCNA is a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP.

@SearchingForSolitude Thank you. I'm going to apply myself. He's on the SEN register at school (I'm not sure if that counts). It's clear the school aren't supporting me in this so it's me who's going to start the ball rolling. If he's unsuccessful then I shall go down the route of home education.

If the LA refuses to assess or issue you should appeal. The vast majority of appeals are upheld.

They can take GCSEs 🙂my friends daughter has just taken some age 12

Home ed kids can and do take GCSEs. You do have to pay for them. Most of the families I know whose kids are capable of taking GCSEs have done so. It is way more flexible than at school, so people often spread them out over several years or just do the minimum required to get onto their preferred college course.

Anyway, that is a long long way away for your little guy! This doesn't have to be forever. If you did decide it's too difficult or expensive to do exams from home, you could send him back to school when he's 14. I know a few people who have done that. However, most parents find that even though it initially feels daunting, by the time their child is that age they have found their feet and are able to manage exams one way or another while continuing in HE, unless of course their child prefers to go to school.

And if it turns out that GCSEs aren't right for your son, he doesn't have to feel like a failure because "everyone else" around him is doing them and the teachers are constantly on about how this will determine their whole future. I am really glad my younger child didn't have to be exposed to that environment. She'll never manage GCSEs. She's now 17 and will probably do a more basic qualification in a few years when she's ready. She isn't even ready for that yet, and luckily hasn't had anybody on her case trying to insist she sit them anyway, just so the school can prove it has added value to her by the time she reached 16. For us there is no deadline.

Start with his interests at the moment. So if he loves dinosaurs get some books from the library and read them together. Get him to write stuff about it and do some art projects. There is so much online. You can go all out with a project as its not like a class where everyone has to be taken care of.
For his Maths l would continue with his class book until you decide on something else but make it very practical. So if the topic is weight do some baking etc. Remember no more than two hours a day. Add in physical exercise every day..even an online exercise class or if he already goes to a sport that counts..or take up one. Go swimming. Keep a diary . If he has any interest start a language on one of the language Apps.
Make sure he meets other children either in the neighbourhood or in a club/ scouts whatever.
But in all that play to his strengths. Chat about what he is interested in...look up stuff together. Go on trips to museums/ woods/ castles . Make every day a learning opportunity.

You can do this as he feels safe at home with you so will learn better. He will actually thrive. And he can teach himself a lot. You don't need to be sitting with him all the time but set him challenges. Remember in school he may not even be getting his voice heard for 5 minutes a day ..you can give him opportunities.
I am a Primary Teacher!