7 year old is desperate to be home educated

[issy1990]

Hey!

My 7-year-old keeps consistently asking to be home educated. He has high functioning autism and struggles with the amount of social interaction that happens at school. His school work isn't a concern as he loves to learn, but I think he would do better with a less stressful environment to learn in.

Problem is I'm worried about making the jump and making a mistake. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

TIA

If you can, do it!!

School just isn't a good environment for autism. I say this as an secondary school teacher AND a parent who has spent periods of time homeschooling my ASD child.

Do not let those who say "kids need to go to school for socialisation" put you off. I just want to shout it doesn't work that way!!!

As long as you are open to the prospect of going back into schooling if your child decides he want to go back. My only regret is that it took covid homeschooling to realise how well it could work

If he is struggling now then I suspect secondary is not going to work at all and burnout is a very real risk. It is also really important to listen to what he is telling you. Would you be happy to EHE? Is flexi-schooling an option if there are still some parts of school he would enjoy? Is there a much smaller school nearby where his needs might be better met, even if just for the next few years?

My mother refused to home educate me. I home educated mine. We did try school for a little while a couple of years in but took them straight out again. Also ND and found school a challenging environment.

There's really only one way to find out what home education would be like for him, and that is to try it. At this point, neither of you knows what it would be like. However, your son does know that he's feeling overwhelmed at school, which seems like quite a big clue that a change is in order.

Why not give it a year and see how it goes? Home education doesn't require you to sign a ten-year contract. He can always return to school if home ed doesn't suit.

Try it over the summer holidays and see how it goes.

My 12 yr old has asd, adhd and possibly pad.
I honestly wished I'd listened her when she was begging me to home school her, aged 10
She not been in school now for 14 weeks and has school based trauma and burn out.
In secondary it becomes magnified and the bullying etc was bad for my daughter.
I'm fighting for her now.. she's is angry and doesn't trust professionals now.
He's not high functioning, he's masking.

On the face of it, that seems like a good idea. People often suggest it as a less scary option than taking a child out of school. But there are a couple of problems with "trying home education" during the school hoildays.

One problem is that a child who has been very stressed at school probably needs a break to recover. Taking away their holidays and telling them they have to get stuck in to something new immediately - and implying that they'd better get it right or they'll be sent back to school - just piles the pressure on to a chid who is already overwhelmed.

Another problem is that home education isn't just something you do. It's also something you don't do, namely school and all the associated things. As an analogy, suppose you were in the habit of eating loads of ice cream and McDonald's burgers, and you decided to improve your diet. You wouldn't accomplish that by eating plenty of fruit and veg while still eating just as much ice cream and McDonald's burgers as before. That might be even worse than your original diet! In the same way, you can't really add home-based education in on top of school and expect to get a picture of how life without school might look.

I'm not sure if I've explained it properly. Does that make sense?

I'd definitely do it, I pulled my 14 year old daughter out in September, and really wish I'd done it earlier, she's now undergoing ASD. assessment, but is so much less stressed and happier, and her learning overall has improved as a result.

I have home educated full time and we are now flexi schooling. Home ed full time happened because my eldest was so traumatised by his school that he had a panic attack whenever he walked in. Home ed was a lifesaver. That child now loves Secondary.

My youngest is 10 and has been asking for home ed for a while , but loves his teacher and the academic side of school but struggles socially where he is. We home ed him two days a week so that he can socialise with a broader range of children and the difference in him has been astonishing. He is happier and his mental health is so much better.

Have a look at the home ed groups near you. The ones near us are fantastic for socialising, guidance and support. Everyone home eds differently and there are no rules so it really can suit how he wants to learn and how he wants to socialise.

The groups also tend to stop in the school holidays as everywhere they meet gets busy and crowded so don't try and home ed for the first time in the holidays!

Does he want to be home educated or does he not want to go to that school? My son had a rough time at school when he was much younger but I ended up keeping him in, lots of times when I asked for advice people said “have you thought about home education”. I’m perhaps too selfish but I knew it wouldn’t work for us, I need the respite/break from him that school provides and it also enables me to work and afford to so stuff when he is off school. I ended up building up evidence and getting him into an autism school that is for kids at mainstream levels academically when he was still in primary and now he’s secondary age and it is totally the right place and he loves it. I’ve seen alot of people that have taken their kids out but very few, if any that have ever gone back successfully. That’s not to say don’t home educate but please ensure you/him are doing for right reasons.

I think you’ve explained how it could be a totally useless exercise, but honestly with that mindset anything could be a waste of your time. It’s a colossal undertaking, expensive, time consuming and socially difficult. A walk through will let you really think about if it’s right for you and your family. I would say both parents need to be very on board with the idea.

It has to work for you both

Looking into alternative schools but provide another option

Home ed obvs doesn't work for everyone, but it works for many, many people with ND kids, including us.

Our experience has been that the financial hit from me working very part time, and the significant associated lifestyle compromises (smaller home in less affluent area, lower standard of living generally) pale into insignificance beside what home education offers our children.

There's a massive amount of support in the home ed community. Of course the local scene varies around the country, but we've home edded in 3 cities and found great community and tonnes of provision and activity in all of them. In general the home ed community is more neurospicy than the general population.

There's a whole world over here of joyful, relaxed, confident, quirky, respected neurodivergent kids thriving. Of course we all face challenges too, but in my experience those challenges are easier to face without the demands and restriction of school to manage.

In short, I'd strongly encourage you to explore how to make home ed possible if you think it would benefit your child.

If school isn’t appropriate, have you considered requesting an EHCNA and pursuing EOTAS. A good EOTAS package can fund far more than most parents can afford to fund.

If you can do it then go for it, mine have all been home educated from the start, my eldest would now be in year 8 if in school and I have no regrets. School will always be there if further down the line you feel it would be the better option.

Trying it during the holidays doesn’t work. It takes time to settle into a home ed routine/style that works for your family, it’s a whole lifestyle change in a way plus during the holidays you don’t get the quiet visits to places and most home education activities aren’t running either. So it isn’t a reflection of what home education looks like at all.

My ds was the same (he was reception when Covid happened) and is also ND. I’ve found the key thing is routine and relationships for him personally alongside good support at school. I wouldn’t say don’t home educate and I wouldn’t say don’t keep them in school. I would just look at the positives and negatives for both and how you can provide the key important factors at home or at school and then decide which suits your ds and your family best at this time. I do think re-entering school can be much harder for some children later down the line, so it’s not necessarily always an option as such (or not a simple one, anyway). My ds tends to try new things more often for other people and that’s a consideration for me too.

I've never been a fan of the unschooling approach.

I think it's very easy to get fixated that everything from school is wrong. It isnt necessarily.

Home schooling for DS did involve him sitting and engaging with the national curriculum through book and computer led activities for the equivalent number of hours as he would at school.

However....

These hours were spread over the whole year (yes we worked summer holidays in particular as this maintained learning and routine). He worked far less hours a day/week (As this suited his fatigue issues) and got out in nature/exercise far more.

And yes, after seeing how it worked in lockdown, we trailled it over the summer holidays to see if it worked for all of us before we did anything rash.

It also made it very very easy to get through the LEA home schooling department (as did sending copies of work) as we could show we were curriculum learning for the same hours as school..

It did mean that all the adaptive equipment recommended for school actually where made to work for DS. We utilised/trailled a variety of adaptive technologies far quicker and they became adapted into our routine much easier.he had easy access to adapted chairs, writing slopes pens pencils etc, they didn't all get lost transferring between classssrooms, teased for using them etc.

Remembering there are many ways to home school includes remembering that unschooling isn't necessarily the best and definitely not the only approach to homeschooling (despite what certain very vocal online organisations may suggest).

Sometimes the fruit and veg is the "classroom" learning, the macdonalds is just the social, disruptive and organisational problems of school

I wish I had done it when my child was 7.

We struggled through and eventually she fell apart at 12 so I removed her. The anxiety, stress and trauma she went through in those 5 years is something I feel a lot of guilt about. I wish I had known it was ok to step away from the 'norm'

If you think you can, then do it. I know that I am not disciplined enough to. My DS is autistic and we kept him in mainstream school and I honestly think it was the best thing. If you had asked me when he was 12 where he would be now, I would have said he would be collecting the trolleys at the supermarket but last September he started University. I honestly believe that keeping him in school was the best thing to do.

Does he want to be homeschooled because he has heard of other kids and likes the idea? Just a thought!