Starting HS in year 8?

[scarecrow22]

Has anybody started home schooling in year 8? How easy/difficult was the transition? Any tips and advice?

For background DD (12y) finds it hard to make friends and impossible to keep them. She is deeply lonely and unhappy at sec school, even though they are doing a lot to help. They have also got our local social services involved. Finally, because she is so unhappy - and massively exacerbated by my weakness due to ill health from ages 5-10/11 - her behaviour is defiant and often aggressive. We are getting in a 'super nanny' to help with behaviour. I'm also doing courses and reading books help me help us both.

Thank you

[Saracen]

It could help a lot to remove her from an environment in which she is so unhappy. The relief of being out of there might produce a huge improvement in her anger and consequent behaviour. For some kids it is like night and day, for others it can take longer. I would hang fire on the supernanny idea until you've seen how taking her out of school affects her.

Y8 is a very good time to try home education. Exams, if she wants to do them, are not imminent, so you don't have the associated stress of trying to get to grips with that while you are settling in. Also if you wait much longer, things deteriorate further at school, and then you do a trial of home education in, say, Y10, that becomes a much bigger decision than it would be now. This is because the school system is so rigid that it cannot really accommodate kids having much of a break from school and then returning to school during Y10 or Y11. Trying home education in Y8 can be an experiment, because if it doesn't suit, she can return to school for her exams. Starting home education in Y10 is more of a permanent, no-going-back decision.

Also, during their early teens, many home ed kids have a lot of time on their hands for hobbies and activities, which makes it easier to make friends. Most of them do sit some exams around age 16 - though the timing and number are far more flexible than at school - so they become somewhat nose-to-the-grindstone working on academics later on. At that stage, there won't be so many kids about, and your own daughter may also be busy with studying.

So yes, now is the time!

[Saracen]

When you first remove a child from school, especially if she's had a traumatic time there, most HE parents recommend starting off with a complete break from adult-led academic work. Give your daughter some time to recover. Help her do the things she most enjoys, whether that is skateboarding, playing with a pet, drawing, or listening to music. See if you can get her out of the house every day for a change of scene and a bit of exercise. Spend time with her to rebuild your relationship.

It isn't necessary to replicate school-style social opportunities, which are somewhat artificial and which were creating stress for your daughter. There are other ways to be with people: hanging out with relatives, playing with or looking after younger children, spending time with elderly people, playing multiplayer games online. That will build her confidence. She or may not might want to get together with other kids her own age later. It may be that there is nothing wrong with her social skills at all and that it was only the pressure-cooker school environment which caused the friendship issues. Or it may be that she could do with some coaching from you on how to navigate social situations more effectively, which you will be able to do better when you can see for yourself what is going on rather than relying on second-hand accounts from busy school staff who may not have witnessed incidents.

When she is happier, things will start to fall into place. There may be ongoing issues, but you'll be able to see them and address them once the overwhelm of school has been lifted.

[scarecrow22]

Thank you @Saracen Lots to think about.

Very good points about it getting harder each year closest to public exams.

I worry sometimes that I'll make it harder for her to make friends, but you remind me that she copes much better at Scouts and even a drama club, where - as you say - Sheba's things in common with other children. I think she will need some more guidance about social interaction - she didn't learn it by osmosis, the way DS and most other children seem to. I'm reading "The Science of Making Friends",!which seems promising.

I'm also worried about being able to teach subjects I've not really done: as an adult I've become more and more interested in science, but have done v little in education. Maybe o can swap with someone as I love maths and English!

The "Supernanny" is carefully chosen: to try and unpick a little between likely neurological and MH issues, and just bad/untamed behaviour. She will also be focussed on helping us with our parenting, rather than directing herself at DC.

[scarecrow22]

<bump>
Forgive me.

[Saracen]

If you are very eager to hear the experiences of as many home ed families as possible, Facebook is the place to go. "Home Education UK" is a big busy group with 46,000 members, for example: https://www.facebook.com/groups/123262191031892

FB is also the best way to find local home education groups. Go to the Facebook search bar and type "home education" followed by your town, county, or nearest big city. Chatting with people in person is a great way to get your questions answered quickly and at length.

What's more, meeting local people will give you an idea of whether there are many social and educational activities on your doorstep. Where I live, there are loads of things happening which you can tap into with relatively little effort. Well, it is more effort than school because you have to go round all these different places to get it, but on the flip side you can achieve a far better fit than at school. If your child doesn't like the drama session, you can try a different one. If the museum event isn't advanced enough, give it a miss and do a different one, or even volunteer to organise one yourself for the rest of the home ed community.

There's a lot of cooperative stuff happening. Other parents organise adventure playground and climbing wall sessions and tennis lessons for my teen, while I've hosted a board games club, taught parents and kids to play chess, and organised a group outing to the Houses of Parliament.

[Bluebells1970]

We took DD out of school at the end of year 8, and on the advice of the support worker we had via the county council, I gave her 6 months to fully adjust and destress. I joined the National Trust and we just did days out (I love history so this was easy for me) and we went to art galleries/museums. Then we started off two mornings a week with a tutor that had been recommended, and she went once a week to Kip McGrath for maths. She also did horse riding once a week and made several friends that way. She went on to college to get her GCSE's via a year 11 course that our local college ran for kids who'd been excluded/withdrawn from school... she really enjoyed that as it was more independent than school and they ran it in 4 small groups.

She went on to get a job, and now as an adult is starting university this september. I don't regret it at all with her.

[scarecrow22]

@Saracen Thank you again. You are being an amazing support.

I've joined a local FB group, but doesn't seem v active and I will be seeing out others. That was via an acquaintance who I visited as she's towards the end of HS her fourth child. Respect! I will keep up the research.

[scarecrow22]

@Bluebells1970

That is a great story to hear, though I am sorry your DD had a tough time. She is also so right to go to university as a mature student, when she really knows what she wants to do. I wish I'd waited.

Another 1970 baby?

[Omum84]

Just wondering how you got on in the end and whether you ended up going through with homeschooling your daughter?
I'm currently considering it for my Yr 8 son and would be good to hear from someone that has been through it x