Home Ed - my experience

[Oldwomanlivesinashoe]

I'm new to Mumsnet and just scrolling through looking for some advice for myself but noticed lots of conversations about home education and just wanted to add my thoughts and experiences on the off chance it helps someone else trying to make the decision.

I have a fairly big family and as an extended family group, we have tried full time school, full time home education and flexi-schooling (3 or 4 days in school - 1 or two out).

I initially decided to home ed after working in many mainstream schools (I'm not a teacher) where children and teenagers (and staff) were increasingly showing signs of extreme anxiety and stress but not receiving the support they needed. This was usually not the fault of the school staff, although some seemed to care less than others, but rather due to a lack of resources.

I knew no-one else in the home ed world but thought it would be a doddle.

I was wrong, it was anything but a doddle. It was however, the best thing I could have done for those children at that time and unfortunately, it's still the only option I can see for some people, including several of my own family members.

Home education (not schooling) is a world apart from traditional school education and is unique to each family.

For us, it meant taking a cut in our finances and choosing to take on roles that we had to stick to when we didn't always want to - so one of us the main breadwinner, one of us the home ed 'organiser' - although this changed a few times over the years, depending on circumstances and opportunities. It also meant however, cheaper holidays and days out in places we wouldn't have thought of before, creative learning ideas, the chance to allow them to learn in their own time and at their own pace and the chance for me to let them learn essential life skills such as money and time management, first aid, diy, cooking etc in a way that worked best for each individual child.

Online classes (in groups) are great, especially for academic subjects (often fairly cheap too) but for the 'in person' social side of things (the only option when we first started!) we joined up with other families in our area and pooled our ideas and resources as well as joining groups such as cubs, guides, dance, DofE, Arts Awards, bushcraft, book clubs at the library etc. Every area is different but there's usually something free or cheap on offer. There are usually local volunteering opportunities for families to do as a group or for (usually older) home ed children to do independently that are extremely valuable in terms of experience and confidence building.

At GCSE level, there are colleges that offer free Maths, English and sometimes Science to Elective Home Ed families or you can go for iGCSE's. One of ours will probably defer their GCSE's until college age. These are options we went for. There are other options that other people will know more about.

Of course, school can also work well and some children thrive in mainstream school. There are some awesome teaching staff out there and some great headteachers who are working their socks off trying to give their best all day every day.

I felt that I was taking a little of the load off our local school by not putting mine in but at the same time I missed having the support of a skilled teacher. There are however, lots of professional educators taking their own children out of school who are happy to join up with other families to collaborate on home ed projects or offer tuition.

Choosing Home ed is just like choosing which school you want. It's a lifestyle choice that needs to be taken seriously but all the info is out there. It's not always easy but then again, neither is school. Do your research and don't listen to people who know nothing about it or just go off the experiences of one or two families. What is good for them isn't necessarily good for you - and vice versa.

I don't claim to be an expert on any kind of education so I'm not going to give a professional opinion on anything but if anyone wants to know anything about my experiences I'm happy to answer.

What a nice positive post on home education.
I’m one of those teachers who removed their children (and myself) from the school system! No regrets and would never go back. Life without school is pure freedom and joy. It has its challenges of course but what parenting ride doesn’t.

I agree homeeddingwitch, it is a wonderful thing to be free from the 'system'. I think the further one gets from traditional education, the more alien it seems!

Great read, thank you for sharing

callmesophia you're welcome!

Hi! Boy this will be a long one so bear with me!

I was a primary school teacher from 2012 until 2022. I left with a lot of money in my pocket from a hideous head teacher and to be honest I'm mildly traumatised. I had a few really great years but education seemed to change drastically with less and less funding and the quality of management getting worse and worse.

My mum was a teacher and later a headteacher (primary) and her mum was a grammar school art teacher so I was never going to be a teacher. Naturally I ended up doing just that and I don't regret it. I really did love the kids, and in one school which I stayed at for most of the time I was left to my devices with great results and could add my own flair and creativity. Even then it seemed unnatural to be sat all day in a classroom with young minds and bodies that could be outside or learning through doing more and seeing more of the world outside those four walls.

After moving to some awful schools (management - either way too little of it or way too much of it!) I was so ready to go and honestly I do think I might be a little too traumatised to ever go back. As an adult I felt my creativity was stifled as a teacher so I can only imagine how this might impact children even with the best teachers. Especially in the last few years where we were cramming more and more absurd lessons into the day just to tick boxes.

Nearly all the schools I worked at were ofsted "good" schools.

I've felt since then, now I'm sat on the outside in another (albeit just as broken but in a different way) system of social care that schools are not good places for children. For children with low needs who come from economically stable homes school is just not going to give them an environment that will push them or allow them to be creative or take a reign on their learning.

My daughter turned 4 in September so missed the cut off and I feel I get an extra year with her. She doesn't seem to enjoy the school nursery she goes to and to be honest I don't have a lot of nice things to say about the teacher who she has this year. I now have a 3 month old and we are about to move into a new house. I am on maternity leave for hopefully a year if we can keep enough savings for the bills. I will have to go back part time but my job is mostly working from home and very flexible.

We have applied for schools for my daughter but in my heart I'm not comfortable with the lifestyle we will have if she goes to school. I want something more for her but in equal measures I will need to bring some income in.

I have considered perhaps asking to condense three days into two and work two long days if possible, at least condense 2.5 to 2 after maternity leave (Nov this year)

I am also very tempted to just take my child out of nursery entirely. She's started having accidents there and no one notices. she doesn't want to tell this new teacher which has really concerned me and not changed despite me discussing it with them on a number of occasions.

Obviously I am at home but looking after a baby. I breastfeed so can't be as hands on as I would probably like but she is leaving longer between feeds and I know it won't be this time intensive forever from experience (although my daughter was only weaned because I was pregnant and unwell when she was 3 and a half!)

Should I take this opportunity to be with her now, she does two days with her granny so I would have time to me and her little sister. Also to note she has also made a friend at school who is hilariously the daughter of a primary teacher and is just worrying in her behaviours. Discusses being thin, strops often, hits etc. My daughter has other friends who she still meets up with from her private pre school who are great kids so would still see other children. She also does swimming once a week and gymnastics which she loves also with other children her own age.

I guess what I'm moving on to is.... would flexischooling be worth it? We like to go camping and I keep thinking about how great it would be to be able to go off on a Friday into the countryside and spend time together with each other, dog in tow. Or... how would I home school if I still have two days to cover with childcare as when I go back to work in nov my littlest will take her sisters place at my MILs for two days a week and I know full well as brilliant as she is two children will be too much for her.

Any ideas how we could wangle those two days working from home with a 5 Yr old? Would I be able to find something for just two days a week like a child minder?

Having been a teacher will missing Friday cause more issues for her than it will solve? I do think she will find school easy enough and enjoy the routine but I don't necessarily think it's the best thing for her wellbeing. What issues will I face asking to flexi school?

Any advice/ perspectives would be sorely appreciated!

Also... I am considering doing my forest school qualification. My doula homeschools and seems to work a lot and succeeds?

I worry a lot of my fear is me breaking literally generations of learned behaviours. My daughter has very natural leadership skills and already loves playing at being a teacher despite not wanting to actually ever go to school. I was the same, I hated primary school and never felt ready being an August child. Okay, mad rant over and thank you to anyone who bothers to read this! Haha.

@AudreyM
hi! It sounds like your intuition is trying to tell you something. So many home ed parents I know are ex teachers (including me) so you won’t be alone in that sense.

with regards working two days a week, lots of home ed parents I know manage working part time with home educating. There are many ways to manage this from
using family, child minders, flexi-schooling, home ed co-ops and forest schools (though this tends to be for older children). Some parents work at home around their kids so say in an evening or when their kids are at groups, grandparents etc. There are always creative ways around things.

Hope this helps x

All my four Grandsons are home educated.. Well eldest is now at uni..
All ASD.
All above their peers .
They go to home Ed groups.
But they don't have structured home Ed.. it can be going to a museum in different towns and cities..libraries.. walks in nature learning about trees/ plants. They don't follow any curriculum.
They go swimming.
Yes they do some on line learning too .
Their mental health is much more important.
They are the most polite adjusted boys.. age 9 to 18.

Hi I’m really considering home educating my child but haven’t a clue about where to start and whether it would be a good idea ? She has anxiety and gets through school but I’m not sure it’s the best thing for her 👀

Hi @Vonnytilly! Do you want to go into some more details about your situation so we can help you think it through?

How old is your daughter? What's your work situation, and that of her other parent if relevant? What pros and cons of home education have you identified so far?

Jumping on the thread as seems fairly new. I’m seriously considering home education for my ds. Im worried I won’t be able to fill that gaps for him as I don’t drive . Any advice? Thanks

@Mummabear310
Can you give us some info? What age is he etc? I’m an ex teacher turned home educator (5 years) so can give advice if you like?

@homeeddingwitch thanks for replying. Ds is 6 not long been diagnosed with childhood anxiety. On pathway of adhd / autism referral. He worry’s about going to school that much he don’t sleep properly, physically makes himself sick as he just can’t cope and school won’t support as his “ fine with lots of encouragement “ I know for his mental health home education is the way forward but I’m worried I will get it wrong x

I’m so sorry your boy has got to this stage 😞 as an ex teacher it makes me so sad to hear that so many children are being let down and are in fact traumatised by the education system.

The most important thing I can say to you is that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to educate your child at home. We are SO conditioned to believe that children can only learn if sat at a desk in a classroom with a teacher imparting knowledge. I can guarantee you that this so so far from the truth and in fact if anything this style of ‘learning’ does not in fact work for most people.

My children learn all they need to know via living their life and via their interests. At 6 years old the most important thing you could do for your son is to ‘deschool’ him ie remove the damage school has done and allow him to get back to the curious, natural learner I bet he was before he went to school. This is especially important since he’s making himself sick and is so anxious.

When he’s more comfortable in himself and his nervous system has regulated again you can just live your life together as you were doing pre going to school. I know it sounds strange but trust me it works. You can slowly rebuild his confidence and love of learning then start to read together, bake together, walk in nature and count trees or pebbles together. There is so much I could say to you about how children actually learn! I can recommend the book How Children Learn by John Holt and I also recommend the work of Julie Braveheart, Lucy AitkenReed, Naomi Fisher, Leah McDermott, Eloise Rickman and Hannah Homeeducates.

I could write a book for you on home education but I’m a bit restricted here! If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask.

One final thing, to remove your darling boy from that toxic environment all you have to do is write an email to the headteacher to say you’re taking him out and will educate him at home. The school let the local authority know and that’s that. You don’t have to get their permission or give any notice period.

Good luck to you x

@homeeddingwitch Thank you so much! His just finished being physically sick again complaining of a bad belly ache and headache! He breaks my heart and this can’t continue because of a school environment! I know what I need to do for the best and once I get the hang of it I’m sure he will be happy and healthy soon xx

Lovely post. Very much our situation also. DS is now taking his IGCSE'S. He has been HE'd since he was 7 due to bullying. He was violently attacked, so we decided to take the plunge and we haver never looked back.

It’s the saddest thing to me that a child would be so traumatized that they’d make themselves sick 😢
Imagine if it was a friend or partner.
Im so glad you’re doing what you’re doing for him ❤️

@Backwiththeillbehaviour we need to do what’s right for our children at the time and it sounds like you and you DC have flourished with H.E ! I hope I have the power to achieve what you have, all the best for his IGSCE ‘s

@homeeddingwitch I know as his mum it’s heartbreaking to watch and see him go through this! Not anymore I won’t allow him to suffer. His calmed down on the sickness but currently stimming trying to regulate himself he only turnt 6 few days ago and he didn’t enjoy his day out at first but after all the encouragement we gave him and told him it was ok to be himself 💔 he ended up enjoying it but in reality this all boils down to school x

Im sorry to hear what happened to your son but what an achievement! Good luck to you both for GCSEs.

Most people never look back at the school system once they’re out of it I find. It’s like you see it for what it really is.

The bit of your post that really stands out is ‘not anymore, I won’t allow him to suffer’.

All children deserve a parent like you to advocate for them ❤️

@Mummabear310 I second everything @homeeddingwitch said!

When you home educate, you don't have to worry about "getting it wrong" or about your child "falling behind". Home educators are fond of saying that home education is a journey, not a race, and that feels very true to me.

If you consider that your ultimate goal is for your child to grow up happy and be well educated by the time he's an adult, you'll see there is huge flexibility along the way. You can do things in a different way, or in a different order, or at a different age. In years to come, if you (or your son) realise there's something he needs to know which he hasn't yet learned, he can simply learn it at that point. It isn't like at school, where the times tables are perhaps taught in Y4 and anybody who missed it then is out of luck because the rest of the class moves on without them, leaving them further and further behind because you can't do long division or algebra at speed without a calculator if you can't multiply.

Home ed is entirely different. You learn it when you want to or need to, whenever that may be.

For example, one of my kids was quite interested in maths but not in computation, and didn't bother to memorise the times tables when young. Most of those multiplication facts they did absorb naturally over the years through daily life, but when they decided to tackle maths GCSE, they knew it would be a disadvantage to do so without knowing 7 times 8. So they applied themselves to filling in the "gaps" of the times table and then carried on with the rest of the syllabus. This was no big deal, and they emerged with a very good mark. They had the luxury of devoting a bit of extra time to maths that year because no one was demanding they do it alongside a whole host of subjects to be sat all in one go. They had learned different things when younger, and now the time had come to concentrate on arithmetic. Nor did they have to sit twiddling their thumbs in class while the teacher explained ideas to the others which my kid already understood. Individual learning is a much more efficient approach.

@homeeddingwitch

Dones a SARS report and de registered DS school have contacted me stating they now wish to do a referral for Early years help?

I don’t know much about this sorry. What is an early years referral?

What I do know is that once a child is deregistered that the school no longer have any rights or responsibilities over the child so not sure they can refer to anyone or anything legally?

Early Years is a Universal Service for families of where the focus is around school readiness and light touch parenting interventions with families.
There are six Children Centres across the borough from which a range of services are delivered, such as; midwifery, sexual health, child health clinics, parenting programmes as well as a variety of child / parent groups such as Stay and Play and Music and Movement to assist with child development. This is copied from my area on what they do.

sent the de-reg and school emailed back saying they want to make a referral to these people but his no longer on registration x

@Mummabear310 oh ok. Seems odd that they responded with this referral to your deregistration email. They are supposed to just respond with an ‘ok thanks for letting us know, we’ll let the LA know’.
Either way, as you’ve officially deregistered him it’s all up to you now anyway. You are within your rights to refuse any visits you like from any ‘officials’.
Also isn’t he too old now he’s 6 to be classed as Early Years?

Sorry @homeeddingwitch thought I replied second week into our home ed journey and I’ve seen a remarkable difference in Ds already. I refused the early years help and not heard no more thanks for your help