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Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

Original poster

Judgemental Teachers

20 replies

MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 11:21

Hello,

Has anyone sent their children back to school and received judgemental comments about home education. How did you deal with it? I home educated my middle child and mentioned it to my DD's nursery teacher when she went in for settling in sessions. She made a snide comment saying that home educated children are behind academically and how she prefers they stay in school. I just ignored the comment at that time. However, subsequently my DD has refused to participate in a couple of group activities in nursery and has cried when asked to tidy away toys quite profusely. She also never says hello to the teacher even when the teacher goes down to her face and holds her still from her shoulders to say hello. I bumped into one of the EYFS staff members in a local playground and she saw my DD giggling and enjoying herself and she made a comment that she's not like that in nursery. She never ventures outside into the playground or use the toilet and refuses snacks. I was a little shocked and then she added Yvonne (nursery teacher) said she's like that because she has been homeschooled.

Like what the actual.....!

She's 3. How has she been homeschooled? And she's "like that" like what?? My DD is very sociable and loves to meet and chat with my friends and other children. She has friends in nursery and plays happily with the children. She just doesn't say hello to the adults in nursery.

Am I wrong to feel upset about those comments about my DD? Is her behaviour abnormal? I would love other mums with 3/4 year olds to tell me.

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Vegrocks · 08/03/2023 11:35

Your thread is all muddled
forget the supposed judgement re homeschooling

your daughter sounds very unhappy at the nursery and you should be exploring other options and or addressing with the nursery

Vegrocks · 08/03/2023 11:36

And Yvonne sounds a bit thick
she works at a nursery but doesn’t realise that 3 year olds don’t attend school 🤔

Sherrystrull · 08/03/2023 11:39

I've been a teacher for many years. The children that have joined our school over the years who have been home educated have all received no education at all. One aged 9 could recognise no letters and couldn't write their name.

They have struggled hugely to adapt to the school setting and have been miles behind the other children needing catch up from staff who are already hugely stretched and cannot meet their needs amongst a large class of other children with differing needs.

While I am sure this is not the experience of many children who are homeschooled, sadly this has been my experience and I can only draw on that.

creekingmillenial · 08/03/2023 11:41

They just sound ignorant. For what it’s worth as a teacher I know loads of fellow teacher who home educate their own children or would if they could.

Vegrocks · 08/03/2023 11:44

creekingmillenial · 08/03/2023 11:41

They just sound ignorant. For what it’s worth as a teacher I know loads of fellow teacher who home educate their own children or would if they could.

How do teachers home educate their children? Surely they are educating other children.

Or do you mean ex teachers?

Original poster
MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 12:13

@Sherrystrull I home educated my Y6 DD because she was falling behind in school in Y3. She went back to another school in September 2022 and is at the top academically and is doing 11+ practice in her spare time in class.

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Original poster
MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 12:15

@VegrocksMy DD does seem happy to go in, she likes the children just doesn't seem to warm to the adults.

Funnily enough, a couple of teacher friends have said to not send her to reception there as the judgement and labelling will follow through to reception.

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Vegrocks · 08/03/2023 12:22

she saw my DD giggling and enjoying herself and she made a comment that she's not like that in nursery. She never ventures outside into the playground or use the toilet and refuses snacks

sure as heck doesn’t sound like she’s happy there to me 🤷‍♀️

Sherrystrull · 08/03/2023 12:26

MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 12:13

@Sherrystrull I home educated my Y6 DD because she was falling behind in school in Y3. She went back to another school in September 2022 and is at the top academically and is doing 11+ practice in her spare time in class.

That's great! Like I said, I'm sure many children don't have the experiences I've witnessed. My point was that if the staff have had similar experiences to me it will affect their judgement.

Original poster
MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 13:45

@Sherrystrull Do you think those labels on my 3 year old are fair? Do you think they would follow her through to reception (same team dealing with reception class)? My teacher friends have said to not send her to that school.

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RoseslnTheHospital · 08/03/2023 13:53

@Sherrystrull your negative experiences of children who have been home schooled might affect your judgement, but surely you're not saying that you would make snide remarks about a younger sibling who hasn't been home schooled but simply attends nursery like the other children? And would your experiences make you carry forward negative judgements that affect your interaction with any children of parents who have at some time home schooled their other children?

Sherrystrull · 08/03/2023 13:54

MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 13:45

@Sherrystrull Do you think those labels on my 3 year old are fair? Do you think they would follow her through to reception (same team dealing with reception class)? My teacher friends have said to not send her to that school.

What labels? I've explained my experience to try and help you understand where staff may be drawing their opinions from.

I agree you should send her to another school. Good teachers wouldn't let their personal opinions transfer to the child.

Sherrystrull · 08/03/2023 13:56

RoseslnTheHospital · 08/03/2023 13:53

@Sherrystrull your negative experiences of children who have been home schooled might affect your judgement, but surely you're not saying that you would make snide remarks about a younger sibling who hasn't been home schooled but simply attends nursery like the other children? And would your experiences make you carry forward negative judgements that affect your interaction with any children of parents who have at some time home schooled their other children?

Absolutely not. They are clearly acting unprofessionally and inappropriately.

junebirthdaygirl · 08/03/2023 14:33

I have some homeschooling children enter my class and academically they have been fabulous. But l have often found the parents difficult as they feel the child should be able to opt in and out of subjects if they don't like it. This is usually not possible in school. And the dps can make quite a fuss!!
But it sounds like this environment is not suiting your child so maybe look out for another option.
Some teachers do make snide remarks about homeschooling but since your little one is tiny that's total rubbish here..

Original poster
MelThomas1 · 08/03/2023 17:38

@junebirthdaygirl I'm so glad there's one teacher here who has a positive thing to say about home educated children. My teacher friends have said similar to you, and have been very encouraging of me home educating her considering she was failing in school anyway.

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Vegrocks · 09/03/2023 11:10

How old is your middle child? Is she main stream educated now?

AppleWax · 09/03/2023 15:06

Sounds like your 3 year old is a typical 3 year old who isn’t happy at this nursery and I’m not surprised if the teacher and nursery assistants have already put a label on her. If she doesn’t need to be in nursery then I would seriously consider taking her out. Legally she doesn’t need to start school until the term after her 5th birthday (in you live in England, not sure about the rest of the UK).

As for home education - if you think your daughter would be happier at home, and may be adopting a more European approach to learning with plenty of play and experience opportunities up to and beyond 7+, then I would seriously consider home educating from the start.

As an ex school teacher and home educator I wish I hadn’t put my daughter into school and just carried on child led learning we were doing at home before she was 5. She is now 12 nearly 13 and studying for some qualifications and has wonderful, enriched, child directed learning opportunities that she wouldn’t have in a mainstream school.

Original poster
MelThomas1 · 09/03/2023 20:07

At the moment, I want ti work for another year to save money for travelling and take the kids off next year to travel.

I want to complain to the HT about her staff behaving like this but then pull my DD out or do I just leave without giving them a reason? I have an older child in the school too who started in September 2022.

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Original poster
MelThomas1 · 25/05/2023 23:53

Hi all,

Just an update, my DD has been finding nursery challenging since the return after Easter holidays. She literally runs away from the entrance, cries and clings on to me saying she doesn't want to go, she starts talking about it the night before and saying she doesn't want to go to nursery. I can say it's really been a battle to get her in 80% of the time this term.

The staff say she is fine when she is there but I've noticed she's become so fussy and always worried about germs and washing hands, all of a sudden doesn't like touching ladybirds/ants/worms. This is a girl who has made snail/worm hotels in our garden and is forever letting snails climb up her arms. I just don't understand where this has come from as this is not the environment that we are cultivating at home! She won't even do painting anymore or gluing as she says her hands will get dirty! This from a child who did painting and gluing at home every week upon her request.

When I ask her why she doesn't want to go to nursery, she just says that she wants to be with me and she doesn't like the teachers. I ask her why she doesn't like them but she doesn't say much.

Initially, I thought it was a phase, she will settle back down but she hasn't, it's a constant battle to get her into nursery but then when I pick her up she says she had an okay day.

Is this a normal phase, I mean the crying and running away on a morning from staff? Also, the not touching bugs anymore and getting messy, is this a phase that any of your children when through? I assume it's from nursery or children there because I have seen a couple of the children she chats to screaming when they see ants or bugs.

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Original poster
MelThomas1 · 26/05/2023 00:00

Just to add, I take her to activities with me in the afternoons afyer she finishes nursery such as football, swimming, forest school type sessions and general stay and plays in our area and she looooooves participating. She's confident and chatty in those environments with new adults and children.

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