7 year old unable to read

[Longsleepneeded]

I wonder if I could get some perspective/advice please. My friend homeschools her ds7 and he can't read yet. She has expressed surprise at how well my 7 year old can read and says she doesn't know how to teach her ds to read. He is very bright, full of questions and interested in lots of things. They went to several homeschooling groups before lock down. Is it usual to be a late reader and has anyone any advice on the best way to teach him please?

[Ickabog]

@TinySleepThief

It wouldn't be the lack of reading that would concern me but the fact she says she doesn't know how to teach him. Surely if she is homeschooling him she should be able to research this herself and give him opportunities to develop his reading abilities such as visiting the library, exposing him to books, sharing stories with him, playing games which require him to read.

The list of ways to help him read is huge and the fact she says she has no idea on how to help him with something so important would worry me a lot.

I agree.

I could understand if it was a deliberate decision not to teach him, but this isn't the case.

If she's not trying because she doesn't know how to teach him, and isn't trying to find outside help and support then that is concerning.

[MysteryParcels]

I would be more concerned that the mum doesn't have a clue how to teach her son how to read - maybe you can have happened to have stumbled across a really good teaching resource and share it with her?

[user1477391263]

English has an exceptionally difficult writing system. It takes a lot longer to master and kids rarely just "pick up" reading and spelling independently---that's a large part of the reason why English speaking countries start literacy instruction earlier.

[goteam]

It's strange to make the decision to homeschool but then confess you don't know how to teach your child to read. She just needs to look online for support and buy a set of phonics readers, Oxford Reading Tree or similar and build up from cvc words and consonant blends etc and he will be reading in no time. She has to put in the time and effort though.

I think committing to homeschooling is admirable but you have to equip yourself with some basic teaching skills.

[DreadFull]

I have 2 home educated self taught readers.

DD taught herself at 5 with the magic key books. We would read together, or she would read and ask me what certain words were.
DS didn't read until 8. He certainly absorbed everything though, as he went from a non reader to very fluent in a few months.
There was no formal teaching, just simply reading everything for him and making sure we were surrounded by books.

Home ed is very different to school. The process of learning, in my experience, is not like school at all. I have 2 older children that learnt to read at school, it took so much longer to be fluent and confident, the younger two have no fear and picked it up so quickly.

As long as your friend is reading with the child I really wouldn't worry.

[DreadFull]

@user1477391263

English has an exceptionally difficult writing system. It takes a lot longer to master and kids rarely just "pick up" reading and spelling independently---that's a large part of the reason why English speaking countries start literacy instruction earlier.

I don't think this is true. Do you have evidence?

I'm part of a big unschooling community and know a lot of self taught readers who read at a wide range of ages.
They don't just 'pick it up' , but partnering your child without any formal learning really does work.

[xolotltezcatlopoca]

"I don't think this is true. Do you have evidence?"

I don't believe it's true either. I think English is one of the easier language to learn to read, speaking from experience.

[prelovedsweetie]

It’s been a long while now since my son was learning to read, but he too struggled until he was seven. He’s absolutely fine now, and his line of work is dependent on a good grasp of the written word. My understanding at the time is that the left and right hand side of the brain develop at different rates and only even out at around the age seven mark. Boys especially appear to lag then suddenly catch up whilst girls progress at a more even rate.

[Longsleepneeded]

Thank you everyone, I will not be reporting to ss, there is no concern for general welfare, he is a very happy relaxed little boy and very social. I would just like to be able to support her and offer some help as she has admitted she's struggling and is considering sending him to school. He would struggle to go into year three without being able to read. Thanks again for the advice and suggestions .

[xolotltezcatlopoca]

"He would struggle to go into year three without being able to read."

He would at first, but not for long if he is capable of learning and have some support.
I moved to US at the age of 12, so yr7, speaking no English at all. I caught up pretty quickly.

[Thesearmsofmine]

I wouldn’t report her!
Home educators don’t have to follow the curriculum so it isn’t not insulated for the children to read at a later age than a schooled child of the same age.

Is his mum saying she isn’t sure how they will approach reading with him or is she saying she isn’t going to teach him to read(there is a big difference!)? Do they have reading material in the home? Is he read too?

My dc are home ed, my eldest was reading age 3, my middle dc started at 6 but it has been a slow process for him and he probably isn’t as confident as an average schooled 7 year old and youngest is 4 and is just starting to blend sounds.

[AiryFairy1]

My guess is he’s pretty proficient in other areas and will catch up. My DD is nearly 10 and struggles to read fluently, but her vocab and recall is excellent, she’s quick to grasp other things like maths concepts and has a deep interest and knowledge in all things in nature.
I do have little private moments of panic, but she’s a happy and well-adjusted child, who loves playing Lego, making mud potions in the garden and telling endless stories to her brother, and to me, right now, that is paramount.

[Thesearmsofmine]

not unusual*

We crossed posts, I’m glad that you won’t be reporting.

[Bluntness100]

I also feel it is neglect to keep a child out of school but readily admit you lack the skills to school them. The fact the boy is loved and fed etc doesn’t mean he isn’t being neglected. Education is a major part of a child’s development and the longer this goes on the harde it will be for him to catch up.

I’d also report, for his sake. This isn’t she is teaching him and he has issues, this is she doesn’t know how to so he is being neglected. Many educational elements require literacy to be able to progress. It’s not all just bed time stories.

[Mischance]

One of my DDs did not read at all till after 7 years. Then one day I found her reading the Wind in the Willows. She was just waiting for a book worth bothering with!

Do NOT report your friend!

[Bitchinkitchen]

@Bluntness100

I also feel it is neglect to keep a child out of school but readily admit you lack the skills to school them. The fact the boy is loved and fed etc doesn’t mean he isn’t being neglected. Education is a major part of a child’s development and the longer this goes on the harde it will be for him to catch up.

I’d also report, for his sake. This isn’t she is teaching him and he has issues, this is she doesn’t know how to so he is being neglected. Many educational elements require literacy to be able to progress. It’s not all just bed time stories.

This completely.

[xolotltezcatlopoca]

But even if you attend school, some children do struggle to learn to read. At 7, it can be for many reasons. And OP says friend is worried and considering sending the child to school. I don't think there is need for reporting just yet.

[Thesearmsofmine]

It sounds like something I would have said tbh, that I wasn’t sure how I would teach x to read, I probably did say it before I decided on the approach we would take. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to teach him to read, just that I wasn’t sure how I would be going about it.
This parent is clearly thinking about it or she wouldn’t have mentioned it to OP at all.
If she has said, that she didn’t think reading was important and she wasn’t going to bother with it then I would be concerned.

[user327253]

It's entirely normal for a home educated child. In general, home educated children learn to read when they are ready and interested. The usual range for home educated children is 6-10. Most parents who home educate do so because they believe there should be more focus on learning through play than early academics.

[TinySleepThief]

I think if she is planning on sending him to school then she should keep encouraging him and doing activities that focus on the sounds letters make with a view to try and start showing him how to blend these sohnds together to make words.

I have to say though that if she is struggling with his education at 7 she probably is better sending him to school sooner rather than later. It will prevent him falling further behind his peers and give him a few years to settle into school and make friends before moving onto secondary school.

[parietal]

@dreadfull

there is evidence that english is harder to learn than other languages (e.g. Italian or Finnish) because in those language, the mapping from letters to sounds is always the same. But in English, there is a complete muddle of mappings from letters to sounds. Think about how Cough, Dough, Through, Bough, Borough all have the same letters at the end but sound different. That is hard for kids to learn.

Speaking English (rather than say Italian) has been described as a 'risk factor for dyslexia' because English is that much harder to learn.

[Bluntness100]

She was just waiting for a book worth bothering with!

But that’s not the case here, the mother is fully saying she doesn’t know how to so clearly isn’t. This isn’t a boy who could if he wished, this is a boy who isn’t being taught to.

That’s very different from kids who are taught and struggle. This is a little boy who is not being taught to read.

[Branleuse]

My ds1 didnt really get the hang of reading till about 7ish. He was at school full time.
Hopefully seeing your child reading so well will give her the motivation to prioritise this. She could maybe get a tutor or a club to support this

[user327253]

When she says she doesn't know how. She likely means she isn't secure in what method they will use. In the home education community there is an overwhelming pressure not to instruct children with phonics and to wait until they ask to learn to read or pick it up naturally or to at least wait until age 7 inline with Steiner and Scandinavian philosophy. If you wait, you cut out all the early reader stage and can go straight to proper children's literature.

But there are a lot of posts from parents on home education support groups saying they wobble with their decision when they are around schooled children the same age as their child who are reading confidently. Some will use Reading Eggs and Teach Your Monster to Read and other online programmes.

It takes a lot of nerve to wait it out. Personally I'm not against instruction, but I believe teaching at 7 is much more sensible and backed up by educational research than teaching at just turned 4 years old.

Home educated children do seem behind in some areas, but miles ahead in others.

[HappydaysArehere]

What a terrible idea. Reporting the situation to SS is definitely not the act of a friend and is a ridiculous idea anyway. As said above children are very different and just because your child is rattling away with his reading it is totally unfair to compare him with a child who is taking longer to acquire this skill. As said above offer advice about sharing books. If they don’t possess many offer to loan some to them. It must be difficult if the libraries are not available at the moment. As said by others, children use different skills when reading but the enjoyment of sharing with mum at home is the basis for a love of reading and that is the gateway to becoming a lifelong reader.