Practical advice for getting ds off to uni

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

DS is off to uni in September and it's starting to become real! He knows where he's going so we are just getting halls and finance organised. Neither DH or I went, nor did our parents so we are approaching this a bit blindly.

Do you have any practical advice? Things he'll need, what not to take, how do you manage food budgets etc

Money is a little tight so we are trying to be as organised as possible though cautious not to make costly mistakes.

Many thanks.

Can you imagine a flat with 8 airers. A small bedroom is very pushed for space with airer in it. A small one to hang over a radiator might be best. Or just tumble dry the whole lot.

If he doesn’t do drugs by now, why would he start? Have faith!!! Why would you worry about a young man who is sensible and well brought up. If he’s a sheep then maybe a little but of worry is in order.

Depends on what halls he chooses re cost. There might be some close to the minimum loan . I don’t know what he will get but he should manage. Try and get a job in the holidays maybe?

No. Don’t give him coins for the launderette!!! He really will sort this out himself. He’s not 5.

Our household is on about £39k. I did the calculations online and it seems he will be able to borrow about £7,500 or so, and I'll need to contribute £2k a year to top that up to just over £9,500 (rough figures).

The rent I've looked at should be at or under £6k a year, so he'll have £3500 or so for everything else during the three terms (I'm hoping he'll earn a few hundred in the holidays).

This all depends on quite a few 'ifs' though.

You're absolutely right about him taking drugs, I'm not worried about that. However living with people who use drugs openly and regularly doesn't sound like much fun.

The finance thing is reassuring. We're going to sort ours this weekend so hopefully we have a much clearer idea. We have been saving and squirreling little bits away and his uncle has given him £1000 for a laptop which is very kind.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat
I think you have to get this in proportion. It’s clear some DC do this. But the vast majority do not. It’s absolutely not the case that the students in the flat will do this openly. If at all. When it does happen it can be difficult to manage but housing officers will help him move flats. Some unis have quiet flats too. There can be students with all sorts of very annoying traits. Some are drunk and are puking up a lot. This is more common than openly drug taking! I do think most students are just fine but if DS isn’t happy in his flat, he should ask to move.

DD went this year.
Things we bought that were not particularly helpful:
Over door storage things for bathroom and over door hooks (the fire doors are much too wide for these)
Under bed storage containers (her room came with them)
IKEA bags (she has kept one for carrying washing but I have got the rest back now)
Shower trays that stick to the wall (she just doesn't need them)
Things we bought which have been really useful:
Clothes airer that folds flat and fits in wardrobe when not being used
Linen basket that fits in bottom of wardrobe (to be fair she has a big wardrobe!)
White tac for sticking things to the walls (her friends who are boys do not have anything on their walls though so I'm not sure if this is entirely gendered)
Bath mat (she has her own bathroom)
Things she took from us which she finds really useful (and which I then bought new for myself):
Frying pan
Cheese grater
A couple of sharp knives
Printer (she thought she wouldn't need one but actually she uses it a lot)

She bought new duvet covers (to be fair she has a double bed at home but a single at uni) but it wouldn't have made any difference to take older ones.
I bought her new bath towels (ditto).
She took one saucepan and one frying pan, one plate, one bowl, one set of cutlery etc. She connected with her flat beforehand and one brought a tin opener, another a grater etc...
She is using more paper than she thought she would (for making notes etc) so a couple of pass of A4 paper and a couple of files might be useful.
She is also doing more sport than she has ever done in her life (ie some) so took back a lot more sports kit when she came home for Christmas.

Unless he's going very far away then you can always top things up (or even get them delivered if he is far away). DD was actually reasonably keen to see us 4 weeks into the first term so we visited and took things like the printer which she hadn't thought she'd need and brought home half her storage bags/boxes which she really didn't need (but probably hugely depends on the room).

Make sure he has the practical skills

1. make a bed
2. use a washing machine (know the difference between detergents etc
3. Be able to Cook a few meals
4. how to budget
5. how to find like minded friends ie via clubs
6. kit him out with the things he will need. bedding, tiles, kitchen utensils etc

Good luck

White tac for sticking things to the walls

Be careful with this. A lot of halls don't allow this.

I really couldn’t have cared less if my DDs could make a bed or not. Anyone who cannot work out his to change a fitted sheet, Pillow cases and a duvet cover should not be at university. If they don’t do it, too bad. Ditto working a washing machine. They are not all the same anyway. The difference between washing detergents? Why? Is this a ‘mini me’ competition ? Most students get one washing detergent and use it. Or it all comes home. They might live on less than wholesome food too. My DD1 went catered because she preferred not to bother cooking much. DD2 has a Leiths Cookery Certificate but she didn’t cook a pavlova or decorate a Christmas cake at uni! They almost certainly won’t starve. So, honestly do not worry.

You cannot micromanage what they do. How they meet friends and what they eat. Just be pleased they are becoming independent and are getting the most out of the course and the university. It’s no longer about you having control. They will decide what they want to do and mostly you won’t know about it!

I think that the best preparation you can do is to teach him to budget and how to cook efficiently. eg how to cook a bolognese sauce and then use the left overs to make a cottage pie etc (even the classic MN chicken is quite useful at uni).

Don't buy bedding until you have details of room allocation. DD1's flats all had extra long beds.

Don't get a kitchen knife block. Get a couple of sharp knives (one large, one small) which come with sheaths so they can be put in a drawer

I mentioned the drug thing because it can be a problem. DD2's flat mates hadn't been regular drug users before they went off to uni. Apparently the worst culprit had been kept on a very short leash while at school but the freedom had gone to his head. The police raid and search was unpleasant for all the students.

Flatmates are thrown together. They may get on, they may not.

Some unis do have quiet halls but these can be very quiet and heavily policed.

Definitely get registered with a local GP because they are specialists in student health and because health problems that blow up when they're away from home or that might affect exams may need fixing at the time. I suppose for the dentist again I'm imagining sports accidents that cause tooth loss! But can see the point about not changing home registration for that.

Firstly, maintenance loans wise www.savethestudent.org/student-finance/maintenance-loans.html tells you what they can borrow based on your household income.

The other thing about cooking is how to store left overs and how long it will last for. Understanding that you will probably only have 1 shelf in the fridge and it may not be 60cm wide.

I think a lot of uni launderettes are Circuit Laundry systems, Ds was given a card when he arrived at uni, you top it up online, then they take their card to the machine on the wall in the laundry room, it transfers over the credit. Most machines are QR codes so you scan it using the app on your phone. At Durham tumble drying is free thank goodness, a load of washing costs £3.50. The machine can only take a weeks worth of clothes so Ds spends £7 a week as he washes his bedding and towels in one machine, clothes in another.

His room key is a key card too. Make sure they have a wallet with enough slots in for everything. Ds has 2 bank accounts, the student one which you can only open after results day as you need a code from the uni and also an everyday Monzo account. The student account has his maintenance loan paid in and his accommodation direct debit goes out of that. If he were to lose one card he would still have access to money.

Buy some vacuum bags to pack duvets/blankets/pillows just so you have more room in your car unless you have a massive estate car. It is amazing how much stuff they take.

Watch the videos on YouTube of students moving in, especially into the uni your son will be attending and also the a day in the life which Ds used to get a feel of how far the accommodation was to the campus buildings.

Register with the GP at the uni. They are used to having thousands join every year as well as leave after 3 years. Ds will be at uni for 30 weeks of the year. For Durham it was online. Dentist we kept here as we can book him in for when he is home.

Get him to do a meal plan and a supermarket shop to see how much it will cost him. Ds was very keen on condiments to zhuzh up dishes so we sent him with a whole bunch when we set up his store cupboard food.

Gosh you're all so helpful to your kids! I first went to uni a while back now, 10+ years ago - but I moved here from outside the UK (and EU for that matter) and had to sort myself out really. If your lad can cook for himself and clean, has had a job etc, he'll be fine. I was fine!

Even if his halls have a single bed, I’d suggest getting a double duvet. Too many people end up with a single duvet for first year, then move into a flat in second year where they have a double bed and the expense again.

I think I must be a really bad parent, because I didn't do all of this - I certainly don't check whether my dd has space in her wallet for key cards, or teach her how to use the launderette.

Anyway, I agree that checking what the rest of the flat is bringing makes sense- my dd and her 7 housemates all brought 6 piece starter dinner sets from Ikea or the like, multiple frying pans and several toastie makers.

Clearly money is the most important thing to them - setting up regular payments, but also letting them order things from e.g amazon. Sending treats every so often - a box of food from M&S goes down well as does a bottle of vodka

One thing I didn't do that other parents did was print off a book of their favourite family recipes for their children so they could cook them at university. I was too disorganised, but dd says the good parents do that so maybe you could start planning that now.

I did buy her some cute funny things for her room which she didn't know about, some nice mugs (on top of her ikea ones) and sent her up a coffee machine so she doesn't think I'm all bad.

There's lots you can do when your ds is there - homesickness is a thing! (And you'll miss him too probably more than you think), but you've got a few months to wait until then.

Definitely join WIWIKAU on Facebook. Parents will share lists etc