What made you think your DC is Oxbridge material?

[Shimy]

After reading the Oxbridge 2021 thread, it got me thinking the above. Was it their GCSE results or A’Level predictions or both? Is it their personality/extra Curriculars? or Does one just give it a shot?

I really don’t know what Oxbridge look for but have assumed these places must be for those who are the best of the very best of all the things mentioned above, but now not so sure.

[Newgirls]

My dd went to a few open days/access days and had good grades and pos could have got in due to an unusual and very specific personal statement. But she knew the course wasn’t right/too general for her. They can be quite old fashioned courses so it has to be what you want.

[Fifthtimelucky]

I knew my daughter was bright from a very early age. She was ahead of her peers at primary, despite having a summer birthday, and got into a selective independent with no coaching or tutoring. She was very comfortable there, and got all A*s at GCSE and all As at AS.

She is not the independent quirky type that others have described. She is quiet, hard-working, doesn't have much self-confidence and didn't originally want to apply for Oxbridge, partly because she didn't think she was good enough and partly because she thought it would be too posh. I thought she was capable of it so 'made' her go to both open days. To her surprise she fell in love with Oxford - the course, the place and the tutorial system (she is much happier in small groups) and really enjoyed her time there.

[Shimy]

@AlexaShutUp My point was, If you didn’t think your dc was mentally robust, you would not be encouraging/supporting them to apply?

[starterforeight]

Your DD sounds incredibly similar to my DS @Fifthtimelucky

Interviews will be the sole factor which decides whether DS is made an offer or not.

I knew he was Oxbridge material academically, I just hope that school haven't mis-judged things (by strongly nudging him down that route) as far as interviews are concerned.

I am in charge of managing his mental well being, given the low Oxbridge admission rates compared to applicant numbers, and ensuring there's a robust plan B at at an alternative Uni.

He went by himself to a Cambridge open day and fell in love with the place, loves the course structure etc etc.

[Guymere]

I think many parents of very bright DC simply ignore whether they are robust enough or not. This is why a good many universities have DC who struggle. It’s not a push over at quite a few other universities. It’s always the universities fault when things go pear shaped and very few parents seem to think their DC isn’t suitable for a high flying university. The anxious perfectionist who works all hours is a definite example of someone who might not flourish. A university interview will never see that personality trait. A university that doesn’t interview won’t either. So the only people to give guidance regarding suitability is the family. Many prefer to ignore the very obvious issues that A level study have thrown up.

[Guymere]

Oxbridge do look at GCSE grades and A level predictions as a minimum. It’s never just interviews. Not all candidates get them either! They are just the final filter.

[AgeLikeWine]

Not my children, but those of a close friend :

DS was just flat-out brilliant, one of the people which Oxbridge exists to educate. He took A level Maths & Further maths a year early, told everyone he ‘destroyed’ the exams, and nobody was surprised that he got A* in both, least of all him. He was always going to Cambridge, it was just a question of which college. He graduated with a starred first in engineering, one of only a handful in his year.

DD was also bright by anyone else’s standards, but not remotely on the same planet as her brother. She wanted to be a vet, was incredibly determined, worked very, very hard, did absolutely loads of work experience on farms, stable yards and helping out at a local vets, applied to Cambridge and got in.

[HuaShan]

The whole admissions process is so tough that any dc has to really want it! DS was always a high flyer at his subject and set himself very high goals (Other than Oxford, Imperial was the only other university he really wanted). He has always been passionate about his subject and willingly engaged in super curricular stuff, spent the whole of Year 12 working at the admissions test and Maths competitions so he could feel really confident of at least getting a shot at interview.

At interview - who knows! The impression I had was that the Tutors wanted someone capable of being taught - so not knowing all the answers but able to work through a problem. DS described being gently probed over a particular method he had used for a Maths problem, went back, looked at it again, approached it in another way and solved the problem. So flexibility of thought, ability to listen, process and change.

He started last week and already has an insane amount of work but over the years has thankfully developed good study habits and a certain degree of self possession so is ploughing on.

[bachsingingmum]

DD1 is razor bright. She also had a passion for her subject (languages) which remains to this day. She has 7 now. She took every opportunity to learn new ones and practice them, doing working holidays, and exchanges in Europe, and chatting away with people we met on holiday. We did not push any of this. It was entirely self-motivated. She got into Cambridge. It wasn't without its challenges, but it was absolutely the right place for her and she thrived.

DD2 on paper is just as bright, but showed none of the passion. She applied to Oxford, but didn't get in. This was mildly disappointing at the time, but Not a surprise and I think it was the right answer. She went to Durham and thrived there.

Now, one is a magic circle lawyer and the other a primary school teacher, and they both love what they do.

Horses for courses.

[AlexaShutUp]

My point was, If you didn’t think your dc was mentally robust, you would not be encouraging/supporting them to apply?

Oh yes, absolutely. I would definitely discourage dd if I didn't think she could hack the pressure - I saw far too many of my peers fall apart in Cambridge to leave it to chance. My point was rather that you can't expect the university to assess this for you, so it really is for the families to help their dc decide whether that environment is really right for them.

Unfortunately, I think for quite a few of the kids who end up at Cambridge, their families can be part of the problem - many of my peers were clearly under way too much pressure to succeed.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I didn't decide anything. DD was very very good at her subject and decided she would like to try for a place which she got.

[TrembleLikeAFlower]

I always thought that DC would go to Cambridge because they excel at their subject and are (knowing Cambridge quite well) what they're looking for. But DC fell in love with a course somewhere else and decided not to apply. In the end, it has to be their choice.

[AtiaoftheJulii]

Dd1 liked the course, likes the city, thought she'd get reasonable grades so applied. Her degree had a relatively high acceptance rate and I thought she'd suit the tutorial system, and to myself thought that if she got an interview she'd probably get an offer. But it was just one of 5, her second choice was Leeds and I think she'd have had a blast there, and had a much easier time with her degree as well.

Dd2 wanted a specific course they don't do.

Ds applied just because they are good for his course, but he didn't really like it there, and turned down his offer.

Dd3 is not applying - likes the idea of living in college, but has seen what a pressure cooker it can be and doesn't fancy that. Also wouldn't get the grades, lol!

[ErrolTheDragon]

Leaving aside obvious criticism of the title (urgh!) ...
DDs GCSEs were only a bit above average for her GS, but asymmetricallly so - A stars for all the STEM subjects , As and and Bs for the others. She was adamant she wasn't interested in oxbridge, didn't go on the school residential trip to a Cambridge college. But she and DH enjoyed going to open days so they went out of curiosity, and she liked it a lot... and then she aced her AS levels so thought she might as well have a shot ... did the aptitude test (the first year they had it) and found it quite enjoyable ...
Even once she had the offer she gave considerable further thought to the pros and cons of the course versus her reserve choice.
Anyway, she's a 4th yr Cambridge MEng now,

Her choices and determination all the way, with our support.

[hobbema]

DD decided.
After GCSE. She didnt seem to do much work. Did very well.
Had 2 Humanities subjects that appealed, seemed obvious to us which suited her talents better but took her the best part of L6 year to choose; aided by attending subject masterclasses.
DH attended C and her cousin ( after pooling) got into same college as DH; both medical. Only mention because Cambridge a known entity and not shot in the dark as it were. She had visited C and been to a college dinner with a godparent and liked the feel.
Agree with comments above re intellectual curiosity and more globally being teachable in the supervision setting. She is having a ball ( at C, different college, of her choosing , to DH!).

[Shimy]

I forget MN can be very literal in how it interprets posts which is very different to when speaking in real life. My title is not suggesting parent makes a list of universities and drags dc crying and screaming to the university the parent has chosen. I assumed that people grasp, the dc initiates the conversation about universities (and some don’t!), only on MN is it assumed every 17/18yr has got their life figured, visited every uni alone, done their PS completely solo, knows exactly where to apply to with absolutely no parental input. Sometimes this is done alone, sometimes they ask advice from parents or school. I personally believe most discuss it with parents rather than not, especially if they have parents who themselves went to uni. No shame in that at all. However, sometimes as a parent you can see that the dc is barking up the wrong tree or may have feelings of unease about a particular choice because the parent knows the dc’s personality and capabilities best and what their weaknesses are.

One may choose to support, enthusiastically or gently steer in a different direction. Hence the question how did those with dc at Oxbridge know it was the right place for their dc? Some posters have already raised some good points like being mentally robust or their dc enjoying small tutor groups.

I detect a bit of pearl clutching over who is choosing the university when this is not at all the point of the thread. I’m interested in finding out what made you as a parent think, “Now that place suits you down to a T”!

[Tootletum]

I was deemed oxbridge material as soon as I started sixth form. Surprised me, as I was good, but in a group of academic kids with similar kids, none of whom got in. All I can say is you need to be 100% self disciplined and pretty much teach yourself to be able to do the degree. The interview for arts subjects tests breadth of knowledge, ability to find relevant patterns and structures (I was given a random page of text and asked to prepare a verbal analysis in 15 minutes), motivation for your subject. I didn't go to a single lecture because I had better things to do, but quite often worked all nighters to finish the essays. It could be very intense and very lonely when working under so much pressure. In hindsight I'm not sure how I did it!

[Tootletum]

@huashan ah yes I forgot about that. I spent the whole time at interview meeting all these people who came out of their interviews and told me they'd aced it. I was sure I had failed, because I spent a lot of time asking for clarification and making sure I had understood the purpose of the question. All these other kids were like "I knew way more than he did, I never had to ask". Never saw them again 😁

[PantTwizzler]

My eldest two DC both had very good grades at GCSE and were predicted all A* at A level. They were both initially keen on Oxford as DH and I both went there and loved it. DD applied and got in to Oxford; DS went to open days at both and much preferred Cambridge for his course.

They are very different in interests and temperament. I don’t think there’s an Oxbridge “type” as such. It certainly helps to be interested in your subject and fairly diligent... without that it’s a bit of a struggle once you’re there (even if you get through your interview).

DD2 is also clever and probably more interested and hardworking than her older siblings (and is desperate to go to Oxford); but I’ll tell her as I told them, that there is a big element of luck in who is chosen and who isn’t.

[ErrolTheDragon]

It certainly helps to be interested in your subject and fairly diligent... without that it’s a bit of a struggle once you’re there

Yes, definitely. Some ability at time management to balance the intense work and outside interests helps too. And realism.

[Abetes]

My dd is in her second year at Oxford. She is as sharp as a tack, has a tremendous work ethic and has enormous intellectual curiosity. My ds is still at school. I would say he is just as clever with a super quick mind, a confidence in himself that his sister doesn’t have and will probably get the same grades in exams as his sister, but he’s not interested in extension reading or pushing himself intellectually. If you are having a discussion with them and something comes up that they don’t know, dd will go off and investigate, find the answer and come and talk to you about it whereas ds will just shrug and go back to catching up with his mates. He will do very well in life but I don’t think he would thrive at Oxbridge and he has no interest in learning that way.

[DuesToTheDirt]

DD went to Cambridge. She is strong in academics, personality and extracurriculars, but honestly I don't think they care about the last two, just about grades and how well they do in the interview.

[DuesToTheDirt]

Oh, DD did do some subject-specific activities the summer before applying, that may have helped, I don't know.

[cologne4711]

I never thought I had what it took (and it turned out I didn't!) but I applied because my school suggested I should. I got an offer but failed one of the entrance tests.