University Admissions - I'm willing to answer any questions!

[MrsBright]

I have worked in Uni Admissions at several different Unis, RG and non-RG, for over 20 years and am very happy to answer any general questions about UCAS/Offers/F&I Decisions/Clearing/Adjustment etc.

[TapOut]

@Debi36

Hi, it's probably best to start a new thread as this ones really old.

[Debi36]

I have a question. My DD got the A level grades expected, got offers from all 5 universities she applied to. Took a gap year (travel and work). Went to her top choice, after a week decided she'd made a mistake and should have gone to her insurance choice (city more akin to home plus friends there). Too late that year so applied to transfer into 2nd year. Course head was encouraging. BUT after 7 months and numerous contact has been told transfer into 2nd year not possible (valid reason module match not right). So she has applied to start 1st year again at this new university. There are places on the course and we are just waiting to hear. This is SO stressful. Would the fact that she turned down the offer last year be held against her, likewise the fact that she has already spent a year at another university (the actual course is fine and she has done really well).

[GentlyBenevolent]

To be fair I'm fine with the travel when it's NYC. And I most definitely do tag days on then. São Paulo not so much although actually it's goi very well and the people are lovely. I also don't mind being in London a lot. I probably wouldn't be content with a downsized career, I tried that for 2 years between DC 1 andDC2 and I was very pleased when I got the break that propelled me up several levels in one fell swoop. But I don't like having such a huge responsibility.

[LotusLight]

bonsoir, I am sorry to hear about your mother.

(I've never said I was bloody rich. I have a house and no savings. I suppose I'm rich in the sense I am happy and mentally and physically well with children whom I love - so I will give you rich in that sense).

[GoingOffFishing]

ragged blame me!! it's all my fault all mine!! What have I done???? All I have in my head is lotus post, images of crazy women £ signs etched on their eyes fighting with men. Glum down trodden women look like they haven't showered or eaten for weeks queing at lidl. There's so much despair and no hope, then I get flashes of pretty ladies with flashing boobs with their investment banker boy friends giving me that smug look!! Gawd all mighty!!! what is happening to me!!! If there was a white flag emoticon I would press it now! gladly!!! Tell me I'm not gong crazy! Please.....

[TheWordFactory]

ragged MN isnt a popularity contest so I don't much mind who reads my posts, likes them or agrees with 'em .

But I still bloody love being rich!

[TheWordFactory]

bonsoir condolences.

[ragged]

Bloody hell, how did a thread on Uni application procedures turn into Xenia's hobby horse topic?

I don't have anything in common with "I'm bloody rich and I love it" people so I try not to read their posts on MN.

[Bonsoir]

IME men and women don't react in the same way, TheWordFactory. Anecdotally only last week I was talking to my ex-boyfriend from school and a few days later to my ex-boyfriend from university (my mother died, hence the conversations with people who knew her and me well). Both of them have the sort of careers where they are travelling 50% of the time and both have been doing that for 25-odd years. They love it and loads of our common male friends have revelled in that lifestyle as adults.

I have far fewer girlfriends who enjoy that lifestyle.

[TheWordFactory]

But if women are not ok with it bonsoir why would men be?

Why would our sons want a lifestyle that you describe so negatively?

[LotusLight]

Yes, I don't like work travel. In fact I said I'd only do it if paid double so it dropped off which is fine. I did Iran, Dubai, Trinidad and never tacked extra days on as always a lot of work back here to do and children to see to and I like my own bed. I wonder how it will change in 2 years when the youngest are at university? Will I be gadding off with extended trips for work with extra days tacked on to explore the place? I think I like home so would rather trips abroad just be for real holidays.

Men used to want women with big breasts and the brain did not matter - lots of doctor nurse and boss secretary tie ups. Then we moved into assortive mating where people tend to meet people at university - so both at oxford or an ex poly or whatever so people of similar types marry so two high earners marry rather than one high and one low. That makes sense as you probably want someone bright to talk to at home rather than just a wife or husband purely for sex, their body and their domestic services. So that trend to marry someone like you is of course also leading to bigger difficulties for the bright but poor to move out of poverty although we have my noble son doing his bit for social mobility - for in order for the poor to rise the relative rich need to fall to make space - the clogs to clogs in three generations.

If you're a pretty sexy but low earning women particularly who is of the same class as the husband who is probably younger than him you can usually find a richer man. If you are a good looking younger man who doesn't earn much it is a lot harder to find a woman who earns £100k+ interested in marrying you but I will be delighted to hear otherwise - let us wait for the post man. He has two new female colleagues one of whom apparently turns out in full make up every day as she wants to become a beautician but humping royal mail parcels around every day is all she can currently get.

[Bonsoir]

GentlyBenevolent - your post illustrates why it is unlikely that we will see workplace parity. I know so many highly qualified and able women who didn't want the stressful lifestyle associated with the high profile and high paid career upon which they had embarked.

I also have girlfriends in my own generation who didn't want the lifestyles their own mothers had role modelled with lots of work-related travel. This isn't (despite what many seem to think) a new issue.

[TheWordFactory]

gently it sounds horribly stressful.

Having to travel with work is a massive problem when you have DC.

I had to go to California recently and I was very lucky that DH could be around a lot and our niece was camped at ours to revise for her A levels, so lots of help at hand. Even then it took some organising!

[GentlyBenevolent]

Word - I hate it. But it's a very simple equation - I don't earn in your league but I'll be paying 50% on a teeny slice of my income after the election (I hope). I can only do that, at my age and living where I live, if I do the sort of job I do. That requires an at home parent at least after school ends. DH could not make up the shortfall if I downsized (financially. It would be hard to be smaller!) he went back to work, and it would make family life tricky anyway. Even if he could, at his age (he's older than me).

I'm currently in São Paulo, one of our cats has been missing for a week, DD2 (who has a music exam next week) is distraught and I'm not there. I missed her dance school show on Sunday because I was in a flying aluminum death tube somewhere over the Atlantic, I won't be going with DD1 to a conservatoire open day tomorrow because I'll still be here (my sister is meeting her in London so she won't be completely alone all day). And I missed game of thrones and Poldark and even though I've read the books and the books are most definitely better I'd still have liked to see them. So basically, it sucks. the worst thing is the fact that like all wage slaves, it could be gone tomorrow. And then what? It's a big responsibility and a huge cause of stress. My DDs do not want to have careers like mine despite knowing that it pays for their lifestyle.

[TheWordFactory]

I certainly didn't choose DH or any of my boyfriends based on their earning potential .

However, it certainly formed part of my equation when deciding to marry/have DC.

Not that I expected to be kept in any way (far from it) but because I have a huge fear of being poor (poor childhood).

Also, I'm not sure how I'd feel about being a sole breadwinner. I don't think I'd like it. I don't know how gently feels about it.

[GoingOffFishing]

gently word but you didn't choose your lovely husband because of his earning potential did you would you have dumped him if he was a low earner?

[TheWordFactory]

Amongst my younger colleagues, most have two working parents.

Some have one who is free lance and more flexible than the other. It seems to work. And that person is as likely to be male as female.

Things are changing.

[GentlyBenevolent]

I should point out that when we met we were earning roughly the same give or take a few grand. I was lucky, and in a profession where you can make big jumps through changing job, he was in a profession where if he changed job, we would have to move across the country and it still wouldn't pay that much more. So.

[GentlyBenevolent]

Yep, I do. He gave up his career - which was less well paid than mine at the time by about 100% - and became a SAHD after DC3 was born. I now earn almost double what I did then so it was a good move financially. However I think families are more secure with two decent incomes rather than one very good one. Less pressure, less risk.

[GoingOffFishing]

word I agree there will be many rich women&housewives whos husbands keep them to the life of luxury, there's many reality programmes with "housewives of...... " surely woman who only pick their hubby by the size of their wallets are a minority. Most rich professional men (doctors and solicitors) I know are married to an equally successful women. In the grand scheme of things don't men have a say with what they want for a wife?? Gawd, poor men........

[TheWordFactory]

I think some women certainly do seek out wealthy men.

I know quite a few who were very steely in their romantic lives.

As my Nan used to say ; it's as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.

I recall a thread here on MN where many posters hoped their DD would have the choice to be SAHPs if that's what they wanted. When I questioned how that might work if those of us with boys were also bringing them up with a hope of the same choice I was rounded on .

[GoingOffFishing]

lotus your saying we are puposefully only interested in guys who earn more than us if they dont we won't marry them! Sorry but I met my future hubby when we were both 20 and there's no way I could have forseen his earning potential we were in love, enjoying time spent together we had dreams, getting married, aspirations of setting roots together........ umm..... but I didn't go to some crystal ball reader asking if my hubby was going to get rich! However, might we wish we had a richer one that's a different thing altogether. But we didn't all base are hubby potential on wether he was rich or not. If fact in some years I can earn more than him in bonus and commission I ain't going to divorce him for that.

[titchy]

But women don't start out earning less lotus - when they find a partner generally both are earning similar. Then women have kids, go back part time, and find they are now overlooked for promotion etc and the salary gap starts to widen.

THAT'S the real issue - women really don't often set out to find a rich man.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

Until I became too ill to work last year, I earned more than DH, he in fact gave up his career to become SAHD.

I don't even have a degree funnily enough

I will be encouraging my DCS to find the career they actively enjoy as this is (accidentally) what I did. Loved my job, put the hours in, and DH SAHDing enabled me to rise to the level where, when I first became ill, I reduced my hours but still earned more than DH now earns full time.

I do think it's a matter of sheer luck for some people finding their interest but after that, hard work is certainly the key.

[TheWordFactory]

going there are regular threads on MN asking exactly that; did you or do you wish you had married a high earner.

The answers are ways overwhelmingly yes.

Women who stay at home to look after the kids are generally feted on this website, men, not so much...