DS/DD suddenly NOT off to uni- support thread for those faced with sharing their lives with their adult children for another year

[duchesse]

OK, ok, tongue, but seriously, what the heck is my DS going to do? He has done badly at A level and been turned down by both his universities. My personal feeling is that instead of chasing a dwindling number of increasingly rubbish courses, he could do worse than work for a year and retake his A levels. I have NO idea why he did so badly- he is not stupid, has no substance dependency issues, and claimed to want to do the subjects he was doing. He just didn't do enough work. He says that he wants to go to university but wouldn't work for it over the last two years.

Tether's. end. He is so immature.

[snorkie]

Good news duchesse, that must be a great relief for you all. Hope he enjoys it there.

[drcrab]

Well done duchesse!

[duchesse]

Partying is unlikely to be a problem in his case! Unless he changes dramatically at university... Rather hoping he might do a bit more partying than he has during his teens.

[InsomniaQueen]

Duchesse - I'm glad to hear that your DS has managed to sort out a uni place. I would reiterate some points raised above in a cautionary way if nothing else. My sister found herself in clearing having failed to get her grades - she was able to get onto a similar course at the same university so it wasn't so bad (after the initial stress and running round like headless chickens to sort out places). She didn't do well in her A levels because she didn't really work at it and for some unknown reason she is a lazy bum she assumed that she would be fine......she was shocked to find that her marks actually reflected the effort or lack there of!!!! So fast forward a year and she came to the end of her first year - I had some hopes, not high, but some hope that she would have knuckled down to get on with things. This was not the case - on top of failing her first year she had gotten herself into debt (credit card, over draft ect) to support her party lifestyle.

She then had to go cap in hand and begging to her lecturing team to get them to give her a second chance - she has now completed her 1st year again and has some essays to re-do so she hasn't actually officially been accepted onto her 2nd year yet and the cynical part of me is not really sure whether she is going to get anything out of this.

My advise to you as a parent is to take a long look at your child and really think - is this the right choice. University is great for those people willing to work right from day one and who are focused on their goals and achieving a high degree classification at the end. Doing a degree is a huge investment of time, effort and money - hopefully he will have learnt his lesson with the past few days!!!!

Good luck with it all - hope he pulls his socks up (as they say) and enjoy moving day it's really exciting but quite emotional.

Take care xxxx

[duchesse]

He's really feeling how extremely lucky he's been. I am really hoping it lasts and that he uses it to galvanise him into useful work habits.

[sayithowitis]

I am so pleased for him and you Duchesse. Swansea was one of the ones my DC1 applied to and got accepted for. In fact, it was a very, very close second choice for DC1 and had first choice not come through with an offer, that's where DC1 would be now.

I hope it all works out well for him.

[duchesse]

I'm still not sure I wouldn't rather he took a year out to work and retake, but he seems keen to go straight to university. I actually think the fees hike is a bit of a red herring as long as they honour the repayment method they've set out- ie through tax codes rather than standard loan repayments. Having said that, it seems to be a compelling reason for DS and since it's his life I can't argue with that.

[gingeroots]

duchesse - I think the endless exams and resits from GCSE onwards - particularly if doing a subject like the science ones with lots of modules - can be very draining .
I think one of the reasons my DC dropped out was because he was repeating a year and just couldn't keep the momentum/motivation up .
I think going to university is different ,I know it's more studying ,but it's more of a fresh start . So wonder if your DC is affected by what I see as " school /exam burn out " ?
Not very well expressed ,sorry .

[spiderpig8]

i think lots of kids can sail through GCSE with no work and assume that A levels will be the same!

[gingeroots]

Maybe some ,not the case with mine .
He worked hard for his GCSE's.
I really do think that there's something relentless about the exam system - early GCSEs ,modules from year 9 ,modules in January as well as the summer ,resitting modules,mocks - which results in constant exams for 5 years .
I'm good at exams and it would have suited me ,but I can see it didn#t work for DS .
And I'm really not sure how the poor teachers can find time to fit much actual teaching in .

[duchesse]

spiderpig- that was the case with my DS- he didn't do badly at GSCE- 2A*s 5 As 2 Bs and a C but did absolutely nothing or near as for them. He tried to replicate that at A level and foundered dismally.