“It’s about people and making sure they are loved and cared for” - volunteering for Samaritans at Christmas time

[JuliaMumsnet]

Ahead of the Christmas holidays when many feel unbearably stressed or lonely, Laura Cooke, freelance journalist and former Samaritans volunteer, talks to Samaritans volunteer Lyndsey (left) about the Christmas shift and about myths such as having to be suicidal to call.

"We all have our Christmas traditions, whether that be tearing open presents under the tree, watching the Queen’s speech or arguing over the rules of Monopoly.

But for mum-of-one Lyndsey Nichols, volunteering at Samaritans has become as much of a festive tradition as tucking into a turkey dinner.
Lyndsey has been a listening volunteer at the charity’s Worthing branch since she was 18, and in the 16 years since, her life has undergone many changes, but Samaritans has remained a reassuring constant.

Lyndsey said: “When I started I was in my first full time job, fancy-free and all the rest of it. It saw me through my divorce from my first husband and I married my second husband who I met through Samaritan shifts. We have a little boy who is four and I’m now a mum and a Sam. “It’s been part of our lives and I couldn’t imagine life without it.”

For many years, Lyndsey helped to man the phones on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, answering a handful of the 10,000 calls which are made to the charity daily.

She said: “I often used to do a 2 to 3pm shift which was nice because you get to spend a little bit of time with family but then you can step away from all that and do something that wasn’t about presents or discussing why the turkey was dry. It was just about being there for people and hearing what their Christmas was like.”

Lyndsey added: “Christmas comes up an awful lot as people talk about feeling stressed or feeling lonely. “The overall impression was that family, or lack of, is something that people really struggle with. And I’m sure we can all relate to that.”

Some years Lyndsey would travel to London with Sams volunteers from across the country to volunteer at Crisis at Christmas, a unique volunteering effort to provide warmth, companionship and vital services to people facing homelessness. It proved an eye-opening experience for Lyndsey. She said: “I came away and felt really uncomfortable about presents and that. It’s about being the best person you can be, being kind to people, not about the amount of presents, matching Christmas trees and Instagram likes.

“It’s about people and making sure they are loved and cared for.”
She added: “Hopefully one year I would like to take my little boy with me and do something volunteer-wise. I would love for us as a family to do something at Christmas which is not about presents and food and material stuff.”

Working a full-time job and with her son at a tender age, Lyndsey is not able to go into the branch this Christmas, but instead will be offering vital emotional support over the phone to volunteers as a shift leader on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve.

She explains: “I’m there remotely for anyone who needs help after their shift or if anyone has a call they’re not sure about, for example a safeguarding call or signposting. "We are there for primarily support and to make sure volunteers are OK and can talk about how they handled a call.”

It is a common misconception that you have to be suicidal to call Samaritans. In reality, you can get in touch about anything that’s troubling you, no matter how large or small the issue feels.

Lyndsey recalls: “I remember phoning one morning before work after having a horrendous morning and trying to get a two-year-old ready and out the door. I really needed someone to hear what I was feeling. “I spoke to someone for 15 minutes, calmed down and that was all I needed. I’m sure there are lots of people out there who have those mornings but do not realise they can pick up the phone and be heard in that moment.”

Lyndsey also found calling the Samaritans useful when she was struggling with a seven-month-old baby. She explained: “I had a really difficult day with my boy and I really struggled. I thought I was a crap mum, I can’t cope with this. I found babies boring and I felt properly lonely.

“I picked up the phone and spoke to the most amazing lady. My biggest fear was if I told someone how I felt, like the health visitor or doctor, they would come along and say ‘yes you are a rubbish mum and we will take that baby away from you’.

“I did not want to tell my friends as they were all loving maternity leave and I did not want to feel like a failure in front of them. “I just wanted a safe place to say it. She did not judge me for it and held the space for me and stopped me feeling like a complete failure.”

Lyndsey added: “When I listen to new mums on the phone, I know it was not just me."

“A lot of women feel like this, but they don’t talk about it or put it on social media.”

And Lyndsey has a vital message for anyone who feels they may need support at any time over the festive period.

“It takes courage to pick up the phone and all you will find at the other end is support. And if you have had even a fleeting thought of phoning, I would say phone. Because you are worth every second of that phone call and deserve that support. We all do.”

Anyone can contact Samaritans free any time from any phone on 116 123, even a mobile without credit. This number won’t show up on your phone bill. Or you can email [email protected] or visit the website. Laura Cooke is a freelance journalist and you can find her on twitter here.

[Insidelaurashead]

I'm a Samaritans listener, a fairly new one. Did the night shift last night and answered emails from people struggling over Christmas, which was an honour.

To the people who have been given bad advice, we are not supposed to be giving advice at all, or our opinion. We are there to listen to you, to help you get your thoughts out. We may ask questions to try to help you open up, and if relevant we may signpost you to organisations that could help you further (say someone is struggling because they're worried to tell family they are gay, for example, we may suggest an LGBT organisation we know are good, to offer more tailored support, as well as the person being able to speak to us)

I'm so sorry for anyone who has had a bad experience. It shouldn't be that way

[WildMaryBerriesWithBrandyCream]

Our initial Samaritans training (9 months to a year) is strict on the subject of NOT giving advice.

We are shown that we do not have the knowledge or experience to advise or criticise people who call us. This is harder to learn than you might think.

Our - limited to the phone- viewpoint is not a place from which to dispense wisdom... even if we had it on all the subjects callers raise. (We do have a list of organisations that can give specialised advice and can provide names/numbers of these.)

It is also explained to us that our role is not to advise but to listen properly. This sort of listening is rare and important enough to be a specialism.

Please don't be put off by the poor experiences some people on this thread seem to have had. I've listened to many Samaritans at work this year and they were very good at what they do.