Whether you were assaulted yesterday or years ago, it can leave you feeling frightened, upset and overwhelmed

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

Did you know that one in five women (eight million) in the UK have been sexually abused, or that one in 20 children in the UK have been sexually abused?*

This week, 1 to 7 February, is Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence Awareness Week, and we at the Ministry of Justice want to highlight our #ItStillMatters campaign.

Being a victim of sexual assault can be traumatic and, whether it happened yesterday or years ago, it can leave you feeling frightened, upset and overwhelmed.

Sexual abuse has been linked to 11% of all common mental health disorders, 15% of eating disorders and 17% of post-traumatic stress disorders.*

It’s important to remember that no matter what happened, it isn’t your fault and you don’t need to face this alone. You can get confidential support from specialists who understand how hard it is to talk about sexual abuse and violence. The first step to reach out for support will be different for everyone. You can speak to someone over the phone or chat to someone online. Whether you want to get emotional support from trained counsellors, understand how the criminal justice system works or just be listened to and believed, you will be heard.

One anonymous survivor who was helped by National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) says:

“I could rationalise my experience before, but I could not connect with it for fear I would be consumed by the sadness of it all. Through seeking support, I am now in touch with my emotions and feelings which is new for me.

“Now I feel that particular misconceptions have been rewritten. I’m now happy to feel it, I’m embracing all of it and I’m finding that it’s getting less overpowering the more I encounter with it through the support that I am receiving.”

Another, who was helped by Safeline, says:

‘’I honestly could not have got through this whole process without my ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advocate). She just got me. She understood what I was going through and she knew how I needed to be told things and handled.

“Sometimes you meet someone at the right time and she was it for me. I would not have got through it without her. Simple as that. I remember her telling me to keep breathing and, when I was in court, I could hear her breathing too and it reminded me that I was not alone.

“My ISVA never compromised on their aim to put me first. I would trust her with my life and I think if anyone is going through something similar, then they won’t go far wrong in getting the support required.’’

It’s so important for sexual abuse and assault survivors to remember that they don’t have to face this alone. If you need help or support go to gov.uk/sexualabusesupport. Support organisations will be able to explain your choices and help you decide the best way forward for you. Also, please remember that you don’t have to ask for have support if you don’t want to and you don’t have to report it, if you choose not to. But whenever it happened, #ItStillMatters.

*All statistics from Safeline.org.uk.

[Sulkywoman]

Yes you are spot on OldPervs I used to be a volunteer at a Rape crisis centre, and it was shitty then and it’s doubly shitty now. The CPS is not fit for purpose.

[Thelnebriati]

The post reads like it was written from a remote third person POV, not by someone who has been affected by male violence or who works in the women's sector. Talk about tone deaf - you are talking to women survivors, and to women who work in the sector that the govt uses but refuses to listen to or fund.

How dare you. You are the same Govt that has introduced the idea of Self ID and trashed women only spaces and services. Mixed sex Rape Crisis sessions, DV shelters, changing rooms, toilets, psychiatric wards and hospital wards are standard now, as a direct result of this policy.
They retraumatise survivors.

• Domestic violence costs the UK over £66 billion a year but you apparently can't do anything to prevent it, or provide shelter spaces or housing for women at risk. Womens Aid alone turn away over 90 women and 90 children every day.

www.womensaid.org.uk/leave-no-woman-child-behind-womens-aid-launches-16-days-campaign/

• Male violence against women is an epidemic but this govt still hasn't integrated CEDAW into UK law.

www.wrc.org.uk/cedaw

• PSE in schools was originally supposed to tackle the epidemic of violence against girls but has been hijacked for another agenda;

''In the Women and Equalities Select Committee Report on Sexual Harassment in Schools we concluded that compulsory SRE would help children deal with and challenge the tide of abuse at school that young girls now see as part of their daily life. Increased abuse which could well be the online world seeping into the offline world too. ''
www.politicshome.com/news/uk/education/schools/opinion/house-commons/82603/maria-miller-mp-childrens-desire-sex-and

How about you ask whats needed?
We need funding for essential, life saving single sex services - DV shelters, housing for women and children at risk of violence, Rape crisis, and psychiatric care.
We need something done about the absolute epidemic of male entitlement. Violence needs to be presented as socially unacceptable, and men need to hear other men saying it.

[Ereshkigalangcleg]

Well said, TheInebriati. I doubt they'll even bother to read the responses. Set to broadcast a trite message.

[Imworthit]

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@Howzaboutye I’ve come to the realization that a lot of men don’t even consider what they’re doing is wrong. Think education around consent and stuff around that is the way forward[/quote]
I think actual prosecution is the way forward. Often there are no real repercussions. ‘Oopsy I didn’t know’ is a bullshit excuse. Acting like men can’t have independent thought, don’t understand or can’t help it is the fucking problem.

[Imworthit]

Nexus sexual abuse support wouldn’t take me on because my trauma was too complex....? Thanks so no support then

[Imworthit]

@ImnotCarolineHirons

Everything that *@OldPervsWithNoFannyOfTheirOwn* said
👏 👏 👏

Second this Well put

[Imworthit]

In fairness I’m not bashing Nexus. They said the 12 sessions was far to short to address what I’d been through and it would have been more damaging to start therapy that couldn’t be completed and I agree but there was nothing more substantial. The whole system is fucked. I do have to say tho that I was always taken very seriously by individual councillors and the police but the short term/charitable therapies meant that I had to rehash my worst memories over and over and over.

[Imworthit]

Consent education is so fucking pandering.

Do not rape the baby!
Don’t murder your girlfriends dog!
Abducting her probably wasn’t very nice.
Trying to murder that girl and fuck her corpes was a bit naughty wasn’t it?
It’s ok maybe no one told you.

Wish these weren’t ‘a few’ personal examples

[OldPervsWithNoFannyOfTheirOwn]

Well said @Thelnebriati male violence against women and children is an epidemic/pandemic.

I guess this is how crap the current pandemic response would be if Covid 19 was sat at every decision making table, ‘helping’.

And that maybe the crux of it. Men want the privileges and power they have more than they want to address their mates or general fellow men raping and abusing women and children.

And again TheInebriati is spot on that self-id is men arranging it so even a committee of women can contain up to 100% male dna



And @Imworthit I heartily agree with you, the govt has not provided the funding for acute services or counselling, so victims/survivors/their families just bury it (along side victims often) and try to go on.

Women are walking wounded, our time, energy and money are mostly tied up helping and supporting our families, friends, communities.

We can’t afford a breakdown, or private specialist care, or even time out to protest - and those selfish bastards know it.

I put the blame squarely on the men who rape/abuse and those that support rapists/abusers.

And frankly on this it is as black and white as it gets - if the govt do not actively work in an effective, science and research based way, to stop rapists and abusers (and they do not) then they are standing with those rapists and abusers and family annihilators.

The initial covid 19 response was chaotic, so we know incompetence in govt is practically inevitable but they have put in an unprecedented effort into tackling it in the past year.

Imagine they put in a similar effort to tackling the epidemic of male violence?

And made its supporters fuck off from sabotaging the effort by ensuring that women with knowledge, experience, skill and XX chromosomes are the ones in charge.

[OldPervsWithNoFannyOfTheirOwn]

V powerful speech by Cori Bush on fighting white supremacy and struck by the sentiment of (paraphrased)

How can you fight the devastating effects of white supremacy happening in the shadows, when you won’t stand up against it right in front of you in your House

And : Does your silence speak to your agreement


If politicians won’t stand up against misogyny and violence against women (and many threats are made against female MP’s) in their own House

And they offer a deafening silence when confronted with their lack of care, their complacency and the piling corpses of women and children...

Then they must accept the label of collusion.

IMO

[Imworthit]

Didn’t sit well with me to blame all men for the crimes of some but collusion is a good word.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”

One of the things that really hurt was that everyone says ‘If anyone ever did that to my daughter, sister, girlfriend etc I’d (insert bravado here)’ but in reality your told shhh! It’s too inconvenient, too embarrassing, they don’t want to upset their day to day 😩 Realising how utterly unsupported I was definitely a tough pill to swallow.

[OldPervsWithNoFannyOfTheirOwn]

That sounds awful @Imworthit and unfortunately familiar.

I don’t blame people for not wanting to think about it, never mind deal with it, but as you point out doing something however small is breaking the ‘do nothing’ spell.

If everyone just did one small positive thing to address violence against women I believe the ground would shift, and all those tiny cracks and small pebbles of resistance and persistence would gather pace to form the avalanche needed for more fundamental change.

I hope you have been able to access some support from somewhere, MN’s own FWR was a tiny touchstone for me when I was most isolated.

We should have proper skilled support but I am grateful that there is a net of female solidarity and care despite everything thrown at us - that speaks volumes as to our internal strength

[Imworthit]

What’s FWR? As I said I’ve had a hodgepodge of assistance and definitely learned healthier coping strategies, boundaries and self worth which was my main aim. Covid put an end to any help but for now I’m happy with where I’m at. I agree with the pebbles of resistance Idea and I am feeling positive about the kind of help our daughters may have.

[PrawnofthePatriarchy]

FWR is MN Feminism Chat. Stands for its old name of Feminism and Women's Rights.

[SeleniumE]

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@Howzaboutye I’ve come to the realization that a lot of men don’t even consider what they’re doing is wrong. Think education around consent and stuff around that is the way forward[/quote]
If only. Men should be better educated, and I know they know what they're doing is wrong. But I also know they don't consider coercion rape, or lying about using a contraceptive rape. It all comes down to the social, sexual, and public expectations men created for themselves...they can do and be better, and it's time we stop walking them through it and babying them and excusing them. It's why they don't change, because they constantly expect us to handle and carry the fallout and not ever actually hold them responsible.

[Imworthit]

You put that much better than I did 😂 was obviously a bit triggered lol

[Blueeyedgirl21]

I suppose I meant education from literally infant school, I don’t think we should be telling grown men what consent is -unfortunately the justice system seems to excuse men not really knowing what consent is so women internalize it imo (I include myself in this)

Look at the tinder thread for example. If a woman’s in your flat, she wants sex, she must do right?

[Imworthit]

Yes in a calmer state of mind I agree that consent conversations for youths is important. Especially in the tinder/dick pic era.

Flashing in the 80’s was illegal, why aren’t dick pics??

That said a lot of people don’t know the full extent of the law and yet in other types of cases it’s no excuse.

[Howzaboutye]

6 year olds are taught at school not to share pictures of themselves online. And not to share details about their lives online. 6 year olds. It's in the curriculum. If 6 year olds are able to understand not to do this then WHERE is the enforcement for adult men not to even ask. Our children are being let down. As well as educating the victims the perpetrators need strong communication that it is NOT acceptable. When is this going to happen?

And when is the government going to properly fund the mental health support for victims? It's just a nonsense otherwise. Lipservice to nothing.

[StephanieSavetowin]

It's really depressing all of the CPS stats of the last years have meant that rape and sexual assualt is "de facto legal" in the UK their are minmal paths to justice for victims.

www.theguardian.com/law/2020/nov/30/government-urged-to-fix-disastrous-state-of

[TheSunshines]

My abuser is dead likely because he had a heart attack because I told my mum, she still went to his funeral! And hushed it up and never told a soul. I see his family on Facebook I want to scream your dad, Uncle is a Pedophile but that would make me look like the crazy one. I haven't got over it and the older I get the more I realise every step in my life has stemmed from that and I'm God dam angry!!

Why the hell would any woman report it when more times than not they get away with it and the victim is made out to be a liar.

[kyliebees]

Its sad that MOJ do so little for rape victims. There is so much more work to be done! On the plus side, at least here people are supportive. Its shows that there are people who care and one day that'll be change. :).