Guest post: "I shouldn't have to change my son on toilet floors"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

Toilets aren't often considered news. Most people just – go. But when Paralympian Anne Wafula Strike shared her story of being forced to wet herself on a train, she drew attention to the fact that, for many people, going to the toilet isn't as simple as it should be.

Wafula Strike was on a three-hour train journey where there was no accessible toilet available. She was left to urinate where she sat: humiliated and stripped of her dignity. This is unacceptable. Going to the toilet is a basic human right – for everybody.

My family know all too well how often this right is denied, which is why I campaign for fully accessible toilets, better known as Changing Places.

Imagine this. Your child is incontinent due to their disabilities, and as a result they wear nappies. Where do you change them when you go out? Baby changing tables are fine when they're little - but what happens when they get too big? And, in the future, how will they cope as incontinent adults? What happens if they are able to use a toilet, but can't physically manoeuvre themselves on to one?

In 2017, this is what happens:

You have to leave where you are with your loved one – an event, a shopping trip, a day out to the seaside, even hospitals - and take them home in the car, while they sit in their own urine or faeces.

You have to change them in your cold uncomfortable car boot in front of passers-by.

You have to change them on the toilet floor, home to tens of thousands of germs, if they can't weight-bear to be changed standing up.

This is my reality, and the reality of thousands of others in the UK. My son Brody is nearly five years old. Primarily undiagnosed, he has severe learning difficulties, autism, epilepsy and physical disabilities that mean he cannot walk distances and can easily fall over. He is in nappies 24/7 and we don't know if this will ever change.

But this situation we find ourselves in – the huge lack of truly accessible toilets, ones that cater for ALL disabilities – this has to change.

At the moment, the Equality Act doesn't protect Brody and other disabled people like him because providing the kind of accessible facilities they require isn't seen as a 'reasonable adjustment'. But is it reasonable that I have to change my son in car boots or on toilet floors?

I don't even like touching the flush in most public toilets. And I definitely hang my bag on the hook provided on the back of toilet doors. It's good that our bags are thought of though, isn't it?

Of course, it isn't practical to have a Changing Places toilet in every local café. But if there were no public toilets available in shopping centres, supermarkets, leisure centres, hospitals, the world would take notice. If someone took away all of the baby changing stations in public toilets there would be national outcry. Still, the needs of disabled people are ignored, because they are the needs of the few, not the many.

There's a saying that goes "the disabled population is the world's largest minority of which anyone can become a part at any time". It's worth remembering this. This problem might not affect you or anyone you love today. But tomorrow it could. It could affect you, your child, your parents or your friends. And trust me - it's not a pleasant situation to be in.

So, next time you see an 'accessible toilet', ask yourself whether it really is accessible for everyone.

Next time you use a public toilet, look at the floor and imagine having to lay your child on it.

Next time you open your car boot, imagine trying to find the space to comfortably and discreetly change your child there – without the world watching.

Next time you're on a family day out, imagine there are no toilets for your children to use.

Ignorance is bliss. The reality is not. My son deserves respect, dignity and inclusion. He deserves the same rights as other children. He is different. Not less.

Changing Places toilets provide a larger space for a disabled person and their carer(s). An adult sized changing bench, a peninsular toilet and a hoist. You can find out more about them here. You can also help by signing this petition.

[girlelephant]

Signed

[BicycleMadeForTwo]

Signed

[Toddlerteaplease]

Such an important campaign. My city has five changing places in the city centre and one at either hospital. We are lucky. Some places have none.

[IhatchedaSnorlax]

Another supporter here - signed. Good luck with the campaign Op.

[gluteustothemaximus]

So important, just signed

[P1nkP0ppy]

Signed and have been supporting this for at least 7 years but sweet FA being done generally. Yes, there's good practice in a few places but in Wiltshire the Council are closing public toilets and suggesting offices,bishops and companies open their facilities to the public - that definitely won't include truly accessible disabled toilets!
It makes me furious that a basic human right is being ignored- £18,000 was quoted on to build a accessible toilet and 'That's too much'.
I know too many elderly people who cannot physically put their partner or adult child on the toilet floor to change them, let alone get down there themselves and pick the cared-for up again.

😡😡😡😡😡

[P1nkP0ppy]

bishops?!
businesses

[MsJuniper]

It might be useful to know that the UK Cinema Association is taking this seriously and consulting with members on ways to make this possible in as many cinemas as possible as well as collating info on those cinemas which do provide full facilities.

[squizita]

My local shopping centre has a fully equipped changing places toilet, but they have put a sign up in the main toilets saying basically mums - do not breastfeed in the toilet, use our space ... The changing places toilet! I was shocked and unsure who to complain to as surely it contravenes the rules? Any ideas?
The centre is the ealing Broadway centre in London.

[Akire]

I'm in Ealing must have changed it since I last tried to get in there. It was always disabled/breast feeding mum space so after 10-15m I would give up and try the library or somewhere.

[TommyandGina]

My son is 14 and is a full time wheelchair user. This thread really highlights some of the challenges we face. When he was small enough I carried a yoga mat around and changed him on that in a disabled toilet but now he is as big as me nearly and I can't lift him anymore. I do recall one occasion between my sister and me where I sat/half laid across a disabled toilet, thereby making myself into a flat surface, holding onto ds, my sister then just about managed to change him and between us we manhandled him back into his chair.

[iminshock]

Love to you and Brody xx

[NotCitrus]

Signed.

[Duckyneedsaclean]

My 4yo son has GDD, and is in nappies. We face these problems whenever we go out.

Now he's steadier on his feet I can change him if he's wet while he's standing - I just have to kneel on the pissy floor.

If he's pooed though, we have to try to find a cleanish space, or face the stares in the car park as I change him in the boot. And, poor love, he's more aware of other people's reactions now.

I've seen a fully accessible toilet once.

[BzyB]

I had pondered this after seeing a hoist and large changing table at the Ulster Museum ( yay them!) but assumed there were other places that had them but I just didn't know about it. A great campaign - thanks for highlighting it.

[Soubriquet]

Signed

Everyone deserves their dignity

[LuluLovesFruitcakes]

Signed.

Facilities for disabled people are shockingly lacking. I'm yet to see a wheelchair accessible changing table - for parents in wheelchairs to be able to use! Let alone something as massive as this need for changing places for disabled people themselves!

Wish you all the best

[drinkswineoutofamug]

Signed

[soeasybreezy]

Signed

[totolouise]

I will definitely sign your petition.
I recently took my 12 month old daughter to Richmond Upon Thames theatre to watch the pantomime and had to change her on the filthy floor in the corridor to a cold and draughty fire exit, as there was no baby changing facilities in any of the toilets there. I have taken her there previously but never needed to change her nappy until the most recent time. I expressed my horror to the Manager on duty that day and all I got was excuses such as its an old building and 'no one has ever complained before in the 8 months that I've worked here'. I was disgusted and have written a complaint to ATG, who have now passed it to the theatre for them to respond. We'll see what they come back with!
No one should have to go through this sort of humiliation, and I imagine it is even harder for parents to change their children with disabilities infront of passes by, without unwanted attention being drawn to them, I expect making the situation worse. Things need to change and quickly. I wish you luck with your campaign x

[bakerboo79]

Signed xx

[trelawney59]

I teach learners who all have complex physical and intellectual impairments who are all wheelchair users and doubly incontinent. When I arrange educational visits I make a point of asking about their "accessible" toilet/changing facilities. I'll request that they make some room available that we can utilise to facilitate changing our learners if they don't have a truly accessible toilet facility - just to flag our learners situation. We've even taken a portable hoist to bring home the point! On other occasions I've arranged to stop off at another special school en route to allow my learners a dignified and appropriate pad (nappy) change. This just shouldn't be necessary in the 21st century. My team and I do all that we can to get our learners out and about and to be visible in our community. Please sign the petition and give everyone true equality of access and opportunity. Just remember we're all just an accident/illness away ourselves from being in this situation that so very many families, children and adults find themselves in on a daily basis.

[Devonsent19]

Signed