Why are women so unhappy with their fanjos?

[HannahMumsnet]

The news that the number of labiaplasties carried out on the NHS has risen fivefold in the last ten years - with many more carried out in private clinics - is a bit grim, isn't it? It's got me thinking about my relationship with my own .. well, I am not sure if vagina is the right term here, as this is more about the whole genital area, labia and all.

I haven't even settled on a name I am happy with for 'down there'. We had a discussion on Twitter once about names for our 'front bottoms' and more specifically what we teach our daughters to call them. Willy is such a normal everyday word, but its female equivalent, fanny, still seems to quite unfairly hold some shock value when uttered by a tiny person.

A quick poll came up with a wide range of terminology in use - foo-foos, minis, fanjos, tail (I know, weird!) and the one that made me laugh the most - Frobo (short for front bottom, one assumes). Frobo sounds like it could be Bilbo's brother, and in light of Lily Allen's recent ownership of her 'baggy pussy', and after 3 children of my own, Frobo Baggins would be an appropriate name indeed.

Now it seems that not only do we have to deal with what to call our vulval area, (a bit Spock for me that one), we also have to worry about how attractive it is.

Personally, I have not spent a great deal of time studying my own, um, Frobo - or anyone else's for that matter. I know some people have a predilection for getting to know their own bodies, but I even refused a mirror to look at mine in childbirth, and I can honestly say I have never really given its attractiveness a great deal of thought.

I’ve never had any complaints from visitors to my personal passion parlour. I occasionally have a mow of the lady garden, but a vajazzle is beyond my limited capacity for caring about vaginal beauty - let alone laser therapy to tighten the flaps, and give it a youthful appearance. At this rate we will all be aiming for a smooth plastic shell - a Barbiefied version of genitalia - rather than the softer, furrier folds that nature has given us.

According to The Royal College of Obs and Gynae, the rise can be attributed not only to the usual commodification of women's bodies in the media, but to the widening influence of porn, and in particular with porn’s obsession with full depilation - the better to reveal, in full anatomical detail, the ins and outs of the matter.

How depressing. I'm the mother of a teenager - I can already see the effect the media has on her desire to be seen as attractive within the narrow confines set by the unelected overlords of the beauty myth. It is bad enough that she is told to worry about whether she has a thigh gap or this seasons eyebrow shape; I certainly don't want her concerning herself about the aesthetics of her labia as well, because she's scared that her bits don't match what her peers see in the porn they watch. I hope she and her girlfriends manage to resist the pressure to conform.

Of course, your vagina, your business. If it makes you happy, laser away (though anyone coming near mine with a glowing probe will get swiftly packed off with an accusation of attempted alien abduction). When I die, I hope I am remembered for how I loved and what I did, not just for having an exceptionally beautiful muff.

Anyway, can't stay and chat, am off to get my arsehole bleached in my never ending pursuit of perfection. That is a lie, am actually going to eat cake: I can't even see my arsehole from here - insert cheap gag about my ex-husband - so I certainly don't care what colour it is.

[NoComet]

but I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who had surgery because they were in pain.

A dear friends DM had breast reduction surgery (using whip lash compensation money), she said it changed her life. Both her neck pain and bad back improved enormously.

[YellowTulips]

So sad this even warrants a post.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

I'm quite disappointed that MN have promoted this piece bemoaning choices women are making without any obvious analysis into why they are making these choices. Especially as the nhs is funding this surgery and they try to avoid purely cosmetic surgery and only offer treatments for conditions causing pain etc.

[IHadADreamThatWasNotAllADream]

Which is a more likely explanation for the rise in NHS labiaplasty?
A) deluded physically normal women watching porn and wanting to look like Barbie have started going to GP to ask for surgery and are told "oh sure - we'll book you in for a trim"
B) women who have an actual problem - either congenital or due to injury have become aware (through the Internet and Embarrassing Bodies) that treatment is possible and have decided to ask for (or in some cases fight for) surgery, which the NHS has decided is medically necessary

There is a wide range of normal variation, but just as some willies actually require circumcision and some mouths have tongue tie, some fanjos are just not right.

Private, purely cosmetic operations are a cause for concern, if only because of the worry that they are underselling the severity of the operation and the side effects. But I won't believe that the rise in NHS treatment is caused by pathological psychological factors unless I see actual evidence.

[CuntyBunty]

I think the key to this is in the title: "unhappy", rather than medical reasons for labioplasty. I had rather hoped that this wouldn't have needed to have been spelt out.

[AmberLeaf]

But Cunty, the post started by mentioning the fivefold increase in NHS ops of this kind.

I expect that some of the private ops are for 'genuine' reasons too.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

But the linked article doesn't talk about women being unhappy, its about how surgeons should ensure its definitely necessary, document this and avoid performing the surgery on under 18s as they are still developing.

Maybe there is some research that the fivefold increase in NHS operations is due to women being unhappy due to societal influence (rather than discomfort) but this just seems to be an assumption the blogger has made. The first thing the debate needs is to have a decent look at why women are choosing surgery. According to the paper linked:
" the primary motivation for some women requesting labiaplasty is concern about genital appearance" (emphasis mine)

The reasons behind the surgery (physical discomfort, cosmetic, etc) is not collected so its very hard to judge what is causing women to choose surgery.

[HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood]

I can entirely understand people having an operation if they have real concerns/issues. I once took a picture of mine - because I was 4 weeks post childbirth and I was concerned that the tearing might have made it look all wrong. If it had been 'not right', I'd have been to the doctor and trying to get it sorted - else I wouldn't have felt very confident sexually (which for me tends to bleed into general confidence).

If it is necessary - then I have no issue with it. If someone is doing it only because they want to have a * like [insert pornstar name], then that would be sad.

I doubt many people would do it for the latter reason though. More likley is that it is now possible for some women to have issues sorted out that in years gone by they would have had to suffer with in perpetuity.

[Doinmummy]

My very abusive ex said I was ugly 'down there' and because my inner labia are different sizes it meant I'd had too many sexual partners. I did have a bit of a complex for a long time after I'd kicked his arse out and I would have contemplated surgery to please him.

I'm now in a better place and realise he was a knob.

[gussiegrips]

There's two threads to this thread.

1. a medical need, from whatever cause, which is rightly treated on the NHS.

2.a privately commissioned surgical procedures to address an issue which may not have a clear medical root.

I don't think it's particularly worrying that there's been a huge spike in the numbers of people having genital surgery on the NHS. Indeed, I think it's marvellous - these are women who need help, have sought help and been given help. That's a good thing. The bad thing is that previously, women didn't know help was available and simply had their lives blighted.

We don't teach our kids about their bodies very well. If I were in charge of the world I'd give every girl a hand mirror during The Talk About Periods and tell her to go and familiarise herself with her own anatomy.

Do you know what your undercarriage looks like? As in, have you ever had a look?

Have you any wee lumps and bumps that have always been there?
Do you know where your urethra is? Which one of your labia is bigger? Did it all look different if you've had a baby? If you know what your normal is, then you'll spot something that's changed - but, for reasons which are beyond me, women often behave as if nether regions are shaped like Barbie's.

So, if the upsurge in private cosmetic labiaplasty gets media coverage and helps women who fear there is something wrong with their bits to take their fanny to a medic, well, that's a good thing. A very good thing.

What's NOT a good thing is the number of young women having bits of their bodies chopped off in the name of aesthetics. The number of plastic surgeons making a lot of money with dubious ethics. And, the way that porn exposure has given young people weird ideas about sex - vulvas are neat and tidy, penises are like menhirs and a normal sexual encounter involves at least three people and a whip. Mostly, though, the way that sex ed still isn't hitting the mark, and that we are all fairly ignorant about what is NORMAL in our pants.

That really pisses me off. There's nothing demure about ignorance.

[mercibucket]

I like your post
and I like your name, gussiegrips

[IHadADreamThatWasNotAllADream]

Reliable as ever Gussie .

[Zoelosingweight]

"Jewelling Fanjos" really made me laugh. Thank you for that - genius

[Onefewernow]

Great post Hannah.