“Please don’t test my child”

[Honeynutcheerios]

What’s a better way of saying this, please. My son is a mathematical genius and is obsessed with numbers and, consequently will walk around him talking about them often. This prompts strangers to ask him questions. For example he will see something like 143 and say, to me, “ah that looks like 343 which is a cube” and someone will see that he is 4 and be surprised and ask “what is 343 a cube of?”. He will answer but I want to start protecting him from this because I get the sense they are “testing” him - it’s usually men and I feel a bit like they are challenging his knowledge or find him interesting and I think it’s entirely inappropriate. He is not a circus monkey. My mother had similar with my eldest brother who was the same and never came up with a phrase. I appreciate some people are just being friendly but all the same I want to discourage it.

all ideas welcome please

I think the reactions of these adults are natural, and not inappropriate at all.

If I met a 4-year-old that was chatting away about numbers, I would ask him/her about it, because I would take my cue from the child and assume that, if they were talking about numbers in my presence, it is likely to be because they wanted to talk about numbers to people.

If you really feel these conversations are inappropriate, I would suggest that you discourage your 4-year-old from talking out loud about numbers in the presence of adults/strangers.

I agree, I don't think it's inappropriate either. People just get amazed and that's an understandable reaction.

You can't make message across to all the strangers he meets. So either accept it, or discourage him talking aloud in public, or if people spoke to your dc, just tell them not to.

Is it making your Ds uncomfortable? Maybe he likes being "tested."

They are not necessarily 'testing' him, just having a conversation. Does your son enjoy it?

(Also, my son could also reel off lists of square and cube numbers at age 4, and though he is clever I wouldn't describe him as a genius, he just really loves numbers).

It's more a case of giving the look that tells them to stop

Surely it's just conversational? My DS used to talk to anyone about dinosaurs - asking them what their favourite was etc. it's now Pokémon. People are just interested & trying to interact with your child - I doubt there's any ulterior motive.

If he is saying a number is a cube, it is perfectly normal to ask "of what?". They probably think he has been taught this as a party piece and are feeding him his line.

It's not testing him, it's conversation that he is interested in.

If he showed me his new "red" car he had for Christmas I'd talk about red cars.

If he talked about his new "red mini" car he had for Christmas I'd talk about minis and what other colours do they come in.

It's all appropriate for the child - It's just your son is particularly gifted and interested in numbers so the conversation leads to that. No.point in asking him about red mini cars - he's probably just not interested in them!

Agree with others that it's an appropriate question to ask. If an older child or adult said this I would try to work it out myself or guess or give up and ask. It would be inappropriate to then go on to fire arithmetic problems at the child, but a question within the context of the conversation is perfectly normal.

Hi @Honeynutcheerios we have one of those although at Uni now.

Family and friends is one thing and probably pretty easy to control, you just need to get the word out and anyone who cares will understand.

You specifically state strangers though which is a different matter, maybe just a paddington bear stare and a raised palm 🖐to back off?

P.S. look forward to the Olympiads in a few years time.

Your reaction is peculiar. Unless there is a better example you can give the reaction and follow-up question are very normal.

Where are you that strangers are close enough to hear what he’s saying

Please don't discourage your child from talking about what he enjoys openly. It's not necessarily an invitation to others to ask him unless he was speaking to others.

I also wouldn't discourage adults from asking him either, if he's happily answering and engaging with them.

But if you know he finds it upsetting or distressing, even if he still answers, then I'd tell them after the first question that your child really doesn't like being asked those questions. That's it. I wouldn't mention "testing". Just say he doesn't like it (which is true, if he doesn't).

Your example doesn't seem like testing more like conversation to be honest they probably don't even know the answer.

Just talking about numbers? That would be boring, it would be far more interesting to discuss complex real life mathematical questions.

Hi OP, I have a chatty non-genius 5 yo DS and he loves dinosaurs (like a PPs kid!) and is always inserting them into conversations. E.g a bus drives past - "is a liopleurodon heavier or lighter than that bus mum?" Walking past a church - "which is taller out of the church tower and a sauroposeidon?" He's typically quite loud and excited by these conversations so people do notice :)

I experience it as him interacting with our real lives through the lens of his beloved dinos - he's full of joy and fun, and because of this we get lots of strangers chatting back to him. It may partly be because his dinos of choice aren't the mainstream top 5 that they knew from their school days, but also partly because he's cute and engaging and chatty so why would they not?

My DS has never been upset by this AFAIK, and therefore I don't go out of my way to discourage it. I guess I would do so if I felt anyone was being hostile, snide or patronising, but in general I haven't felt that. Wish you and your DS all the best of luck finding what works for you.

In a world where everyone is glued to technology, we should be speaking more rather than discouraging it.

Your kid clearly has a gift and if he’s anything like me he’ll enjoy the challenge - I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of science and loved to sit and chat about it from an early age.

Not to throw petrol on the fire but I also don’t remember it being ‘mostly men’ who would quiz me too - a fairly even blend of both men and women who just wanted to talk about something I found interesting.

I met a very animated and very chatty young child (maybe 6-7 years old) and his mum on the bus a good few years ago. The child loved animals and wanted to be a zoologist. His knowledge was amazing, all the Latin names etc. He was talking to me saying things like "do you know the Latin name for wolf is.... It is a carnivore ...." he was saying he wanted me to test him etc. (I said simpler animals eg cat dog (he wanted more of a challenge 😂).His mum seemed really pleased I was chatting with him (he started the conversation) and we had a chat as well. Made for a very pleasant trip (he was talking about research he planned to do at uni 😁).