Teacher deliberately holding him back

[emzy1987]

My son is 5 and has just moved into year 1. He can read fluently and there was much discussion at the end of last year about what he should be given to read with both his class teachers who both left and the head teacher who also left! He was moved to free reader simply because the book bands for his ability were inappropriate, in terms of content, for a 5 year old. He was very proud of himself as this was his goal and he worked hard to get there. His new teacher is now giving him stage 11 books to read which he finds too easy. He thrives on a challenge and is very thirsty for knowledge. He is very dispondent so I asked the teacher if there was something more challenging he could read and she basically said they had all decided at the end of last year not to push him (the complete opposite to the outcomes of my meetings with said personnel) because otherwise in year2 he won't have anything to progress onto. Besides the fact they are letting my son feel like you can work hard and acheive your goals but we can just take them away from you there is a very real concern that they don't know what to do with him and are trying to get him to progress at the same level as the other children. He hates going to school and has been effectively self harming due to anxiety about school and to be honest I was very shocked! I have parents eve in a couple of weeks where I will endeavour to find out who coordinates gifted and talented and what is in place to extend him but has anyone else come across this?

Goodness me op, there is nothing to stop you letting him read to his heart's content whatever he wants at home with you.

At school it isn't just about academic competitiveness but learning social skills, teamwork, having fun and making friends.

I wouldn't worry about his academic side as it sounds as if emotionally and socially he isn't coping very well so focus on those aspects first.

Both my dh and I were fast forwarded years of schooling in the days when they didn't know better and believe me, you do not want to socially isolate your son by doing anything more that would upset his emotional side at his age.

Take him to museums, enrich him on trips, let him have friends around. Have fun.

Hi OP. So I had a similar situation with my son. In his school the accelerated reading programme is called Renaissance and children choose which book they would like to read and then they are tested on comprehension and vocabularly on a computer programme. If they are consistently getting high scores they are moved up a level. My child went onto this programme at 4 and did his ordinary class reading books alongside it. Most school reading schemes are published alongside comprehension workbooks that the children complete in class. I'm certain the school were reluctant to differentiate too much in terms of reading books because then they would have had to create special language work for him to do in class. Ultimately I didn't mind this because he was doing renaissance too, and I liked that he was reading in a "group" of similarly minded peers. He read alone at the beginning of p1, and moved into the top reading group a bit later and he is still best friends with that small group of kids.

I can understand a school's reticence to move children on too far - there is a risk that their learning becomes shallow, and at what stage do they stop working ahead?? The approach our school has taken is to widen his learning instead of focusing on literacy and numeracy. In practical terms this means giving him different responsibilities - writing for school magazine, working on the school website, IT helper etc. Is there any way that your school could do something similar?

We have tried not to focus too much on my child's cleverness because I don't want him to feel any pressure at any stage. We want him to be engaged and motivated though, just like all parents, so I appreciate your concerns. I hope that his anxiety decreases and his love of learning returns.

Hi Dancingdot. Renaissance sounds good. I would appreciate the idea of not moving him on too quickly if it was consistent. Last year they really encouraged him and he flew and now his new teacher is saying his old teacher had agreed not to push him? I do need to find out what they are doing in other areas but was very shocked at her reasoning as it wasn't really about him but that they might be at a loose end next year! Those ideas to widen learning sound great and maybe I need to think of some other activities he can do and work with his teacher on that. I try not to pressure him but he is so competitive (like his dad!), he gives up so easily if something is difficult and a lot of things he wont try in case he fails!

If he gives up on easy things that's a huge life skill to work on.

Resilience and not fearing failure. Kids who lack this are far more likely suffer with anxiety, eating disorders etc as they get older as their perfectionist nature drives the constant need to succeed and this bring their validation.

Please get him to try new stuff and fail at it and learn this is good, normal and how we all learn.

Get him to sports clubs or music or karate or something out of his comfort zone. You'll do his future mental health a huge favour if you can do this.

he gives up so easily if something is difficult

This is actually a huge reason NOT to move him on to harder work. When things start to get too difficult he will stop trying, lose motivation etc. From your description of him it sounds like widening his experiences at school might be the answer. How are his IT skills? Could he attempt to cobble together a power point if shown the basics? When my child was in p2 (6) he would power through his class work and when he was finished he would be allowed to work on the computer - either making a presentation for the class, sumdog (another intuitive learning programme that gets harder the more the children are getting correct) or something similar.

Ultimately it sounds like he is going to do well academically anyway if he is bright. I'd focus for now (while he is still so young) on the other areas of learning that concern you - resilience and perseverance. Without these, it won't matter how academically gifted he is. What can the school do to help support these? Best of luck OP.

The last half an hour watching him play a computer game and giving up and getting annoyed with himself for not being good enough has highlighted to me how much we need to work on these. I have resources to do this so will try to start with him on that!

Absolutely. That itself will hold him back: not necessarily academically but in lots of other aspects.

Failure and fear of it comes from valuing "success" over effort and hard work. He needs to value effort and hard work, even if the result isn't successful.

This is down to you. Don't praise him for being "clever" or getting top marks or "god boy". Praise the effort going in. I can't see how hard you worked to do X. Well done for not giving up. That kind of thing.

He might enjoy the "you are awesome" book on growth mindset in children.

I second everything, and bought the book this week for mine.

I literally bought and started reading it myself this week. Will definitely be reading that with him n told him so after his dramas this evening!

I don't want to get your back up, but I wonder if the comments about 'we won't push him because he'll have nothing to do in Y2' were because the school are concerned about his mental health and think that 'pushing' him hasn't been/isn't helpful.

Being very competitive and giving us easily through frustration are a really potentially damaging combination. Well, not just potentially as these personality traits have led to his anxiety and self-harming, which actually extremely concerning for a 5 year old.

You haven't actually mentioned if he enjoys reading (or maybe I missed it?) What books does he like? Any particular authors?

Maybe it's the school's way of saying 'actually, his reading level is the least of our worries and its emotional health that needs our imput'?

Sorry if I was judgemental. He is very young and I totally get the competitiveness. My son is like that in sport and also school exams. He has learnt with time losing and failure is part of life. Being part of a sports team has really helped with that

thanks thehorseandhisboy I want to clarify their reasoning at parents evening and also to find out what they are doing in other areas but wanted opinions on here to see how others might have handled it if they had encountered the same. He does enjoy reading and enjoys fact books more i'd say.
sad9999 not at all I think learning to be part of a team and experiencing failure is definitely a good idea. He seems to be quite good at most things so struggles when he come sacross something that is more difficult. He is a very difficult boy to understand sometimes!

He is obviously a very bright child, and it sounds as though, apart from the mixed messages regarding reading, the school are differentiating pretty well (eg sending him to the class above for some sessions etc). I also have an advanced reader, and while DD’s school have never held her back in terms of levels, they have paid very little attention to her reading in the three years she’s been at school (because she is not a ‘problem’). For all we know she is developing bad habits (obviously she reads out loud to us at home and we discuss the meaning of words, inference etc). However, I recognise that this is not high priority for the school, so I don’t bother them about it.

Regarding lack of perseverance, I think this is not uncommon with bright children / high early achievers. My DD’s excellent Reception teacher spotted within weeks of DD starting school that my DD, while clearly bright/ahead academically, was quick to back away if she didn’t immediately understand something. We and the school have watched out for this since, and are quick to praise effort and reassure her if she does make an occasional mistake. It’s an ongoing challenge!

I think the main problem is that your DS’s obsession with reading levels and the challenge that they pose is unhealthy. You seem to think that if the school relents on this it will make him happy. I think, instead, you have to explain to him, as many times as it takes for him to understand, that reading is not a competition, and that sometimes we just have to do what we’re told. If that means reading a couple of straightforward books per week to satisfy the teacher, so be it. I know you’re battling with his mental health and his obsessive competitiveness. He needs to learn that he can’t have everything his own way, and that this stuff doesn’t matter too much. This might be a significant challenge for him, but it’s so important, as he will encounter lots of ‘restrictions’ in life and he needs to be able to handle them. Good luck!

Thank you letitgotoruin, all good points. When your young child starts doing something so extreme your first thoughts are how you can fix it for them but that might not be the best thing for them in the long run. I have no objection to them moving him back but their reasoning I think is fairly absurd. Will clarify with her at parents eve.

Thinking out loud.
The french have made a wiki platform were there are a lot of information for parents and teachers dealing with gifted children, it is impossible that an English document by Ofsted does not exist somewhere.
It helps a lot especially when they are small. (His behaviour is absolutely normal. You will ask yourself if there was a webcam in your house). They then proceed to give exemples on how to work with them subject by subject ( science, math, language etc.).

It is quite useful : when I got through it, I started breathing (I've got more then one). The vocabulary and syntax is simple so google translate can do the trick. I tried before putting the link.
The main message for me is that they need strong explicit guidelines, working with processes is tricky, and they are hypersensitive to words. This is the starting point.
Anything that promotes good overall coordination is excellent for them : like swimming and piano.
And failure is your friend. Big time. They need grit. This is how it's done. Fail, fail, fail, then fail a little more, and yet again, then win.
Let's face it : it is work. You can do this. It does not have to take over your whole life.
Your child needs alone time, alone space, and you too.

fr.wikiversity.org/wiki/Mallette_pedagogique_Enfants_Intellectuellement_Precoces-Une_demarche_pedagogique_adaptee-L_importance_de_l_evaluation#firstHeading

My ds was a early reader and was on lime(lv11, I believe) since reception, and stayed on the same level for whole ks1. They didn't let children go beyond lime. But it didn't really matter, it was only a part of his reading. He can read any books at home.

He read 100+ books on that level some more than 2/3 times.It was mostly online scheme they were subscribed to. He did enjoy it.

Our school allow children to read any book for reading aloud. So he mostly read books from home/library.
But reading assigned online books, which was below his actual level, didn't hinder him at all, imo. He is a voracious reader. He would read anything with letters on it, regardless of difficulty. He sometimes enjoy reading books he read as a toddler. Every book is great.

I'm afraid you are coming across as 'that' parent. Your child is suffering from anxiety, why? It may be much more to do with the transition from Reception to KS1, which brings with it a totally different way of learning. He's got a pushy mum, who thinks he's a genius and is fixated on what was probably a bit of a throw away comment from a teacher who's probably sick of you going on about your genius child.
My DD was able to read when she started school in Reception. She had read all the scheme books by mid way through Y1 and was reading Harry Potter at home. I just used to write in her reading record that she'd read whether she had or not. It's a hoop to jump through. I do find it very very strange that a child as young as 5 would know that putting your fingers down your throats will make you vomit.
I would step away from berating school, let him just enjoy himself and he'll soon settle.

I've not been in the same situation but I have had experience of worrying about a child who is gifted and struggling. I found that it's not the academic side that stresses him, more the social side.

We're lucky though in that we have a school that are totally engaged in getting the best out of him. We're not in the UK and here kids start at 6. Five year old DS was moved from nursery to school a year early. He has his maths and English lessons with the 10 year olds. As other posters have said he reads fluently but he still has to work at a lower level so that he reads 'well'. He reads so fast that he hops over words so he needs to learn to slow down and read each word.

I was in 2 minds about him going up a year, especially because of his social issues, but it was the right decision. He is so much happier now. But his school do give him tons of support with the social side (he has autism).

I take back what I said about behaviour. (How did I forget about the vomiting and alii ? !) Please cool down : cool mum cool kid. Cool. By the time he'll finish uni you'll be … It's plenty of time. It's the week-end I hope that you are having absolute fun. And relaxing family time.

It is concerning that OP is less bothered about
her son being anxious, self-harming, inappropriately competitive, perfectionist, goal-setting, and lacking resilience at the age of 4/5...
and doggedly persists in seeking someone/ anyone to condemn the teacher's (probably throwaway) comment about reading levels.
To me it seems like a dangerous case of not being able to see the wood for the trees..

On the specific point about holding him on the level becsuse otherwise he will have nothing to read next year - my dcs school tried this. It was so stupid - I refused to read books sent home because we read our own and when they ran out carried on reading our own.
This is why reading schemes and levels are daft.
My ds was reading but they insisted he must complete all the books with no words before moving on to the basic books with words
You probably can't stop them doing this in class but you can refuse to do it at home. Try to teach him strategies to employ when he gets bored - and he will, often, if g&t and in infant school.

I have an early reader. She taught herself to read before she went to school (she could read before she could talk - I know that sounds a bit odd but she was speech delayed due to oromotor issues so she was reading chapter books by 3 but couldn’t talk. Anyhoo. She was assessed by the Ed psych in yr r as reading and comprehension age between 12 and 15 (ed psych was for something else, being gifted was just an interesting aside). She just free read mostly, but in the end we asked if she could drop into the level 10 and just work through from there (which she did in a few months, and went back to free reading). We just felt that although we knew she could read (literally anything, including Virginia Woolf over my shoulder) as she’d taught herself we didn’t really know whether there were gaps. She was fine. She didn’t care what she was reading for the school books because in school you just get the next book, and at home she loved Michael morpurgo. I honestly wouldn’t sweat the reading scheme stuff. It feels like it’s a big deal but in all honestly it’s completely meaningless.
Some high achieving children do struggle with either anxiety or perfectionism or both.
Dd2 has OCD. It’s not connected to her academics at all. It’s a generalized thing but in reality being more relaxed about attainment helps to ward off anxiety at a basic level
In your scenario, I would be actively supporting the school to remove pressure and encourage ds to find a less attainment based flow - as others have said, the Carol Dweck stuff is interesting (but beware super-bright kids who are smart enough to manipulate such concepts as ‘persistence’ in order to argue for whatever it is they want - yes ds I’m looking at you.
And it’s always worth knowing that you never really know how it will all pan out. My least ‘gifted’ kid has tenacity and a fantastic work ethic and is streets ahead of her brother’s grades. Gifted kids have all sorts of complexities and often they are happier backing off. The perfectionist drive and necessity for attainment can be quite damaging. They need to know they are valued for things other than their ability.

I think the thing about reading is, that you may think your child is so far ahead in ks1. But many will be reading quit well by yr3. A lot of them click and start reading easily. What makes big difference then is the deeper understanding of the text, not that you can read difficult words.

If he can read well, it's a good thing. Let him read whatever he likes outside of school.
I know book level is a big thing in ks1. But they are rarely mentioned in KS2.

My ds was very similar to mamaryliis - naturally very fluent reader, self taught etc. Reading fluency of 12-15 in reception.

I don’t actually recall him being on the reading scheme. The school were very flexible about it - he took his own books in to read. Then when they started shared reading groups later on he read with my older child’s year (different class) so in year a would potter off to year 4 for shared group reading. Year 2 would go to year 5. By year 3 there were some other really good readers in his class and the lines between his natural early talent and their ability were blurred so he was accommodated more easily (without holding back) within his year group.

I remember having a wobble about all the time they spend on phonics in early years and ks1. But actually it was a helpful addition to his own way of reading and he didn’t seem bored. He had an awesome reception teacher who had lots of daily help from her mother as a volunteer and so he’d spend a fair amount of time with her. For interest, they got him to sit some made up ks1 reading and writing tests in reception and he got full marks in reception. By year 6 he got top score in all SATS (120). I was very proud of the maths - because that wasn’t his natural forte, and was very impressed with the teaching that got him there.

I did pay for a private Ed psych in year 1 - had a tricky year there because he just wasn’t happy and didn’t gel with the teachers. Nor they with him. Best money spent - gave everyone an idea of strengths and weaknesses and the SENco who was also the deputy head made sure that there were areas for confidence boosting and stretching in reading by organising the group reading set up.

I would be concentrating on the happiness of the dc particularly as it seems here that his progress is related in part to his own competitiveness and pushing himself.

regarding the reading, my experience with 2 children, both reading fluently at age 5 / Y1, is that both their (different) schools held them back, giving them books 2-4 years below their ability. It's not just about the reading books - the wider issue that the child's ability and needs have been misunderstood and all activities in school will then be pitched too low leading to frustration and boredom.
Ensuring that instruction including reading material is at a developmentally appropriate level is not pushing, it is matching - ensuring a good fit between the child's prior attainment and the provision made for them.
When there is high ability and inappropriate provision causes frustration, kids can respond in different ways. Some tolerate it fairly stoically, others become despondent, some lash out, some bottle it up in school then explode at home. It depends on the degree of mismatch and the personality and environment of the child.
Self-harm in a five year old is fairly rare. In your shoes I would be trying to see a child clinical psychologist as they can assess and advise on both the ability, the anxiety/self harm, and the possible interaction between them.