Daughter is no longer doing so well academically. Lazy/distracted/not trying!

[whyisthishappening]

My daughter is 6.
Everyone has always commented on her intelligence.
Initially her vocabulary scored at a very high level and her maths ability also was very advanced. Her reading age is high. She did very well in reception.

This last year we've seen a huge dip. She is now average/below average except in her reading.

She comes from a family of high achievers but I don't believe we've been putting high levels of pressure on her. We just know what she's capable of and when she doesn't even try it is really frustrating. I want her to enjoy school but she seems to be developing a very lazy attitude. She wants to play and she's resistant to lessons. She interrupts and won't sit still.

I don't think it would bother me so much if she wasn't bright - it is the attitude that bothers me - I want her to work hard at school, to do her best. I would like her to show her true potential.

I'm not sure what I should be doing. I feel like I'm failing her.

The school has advised various things to practice with her. I am dyslexic but initial tests suggest she isn't. Socially and physically she was behind but she is now doing fine in these areas.

Her behavior is brilliant although when she does occasionally get upset it is very intense and over the top. She will then take a long time to calm down.

School have moved her up and down groups quite a bit this year but now she's mostly in the bottom groups. Her school books show she is capable of good work.

Any advice?

[natellie1970]

Most kids have peaks and troughs in their education, whether they have other problems or not, don't they? My dd in yr4 was 'well above average' in science and 'above average' in English and maths. Yr5 she was 'average' in everything teacher told me she was lethargic. Yr6 back to top of the class. Maybe she didn't get on with her teacher in yr5 or she was bored or she couldn't be bothered. Never did get to the bottom of it but didn't lose any sleep over it either.
She'll be fine, if she wants to learn she'll learn if she doesn't there is nothing you can do to force them.

[bonkersLFDT20]

How do you know whether she is average/below average etc. I find they don't readily give you this information, just tell you how they are doing with respect to themselves - at least in Reception anyway.

[whyisthishappening]

Thanks. There's been lots of good advice on this thread. Thanks for your contributions. Will check out the book.

Lots of comments ring true,

1. The bullying,
   

1. Possible dyslexia (I was diagnosed near the end of my phd but it is mild) - my daughter - if she does have it then it is even milder or shows in a different way. I couldn't learn spellings until year 6 and only just about got the alphabet order by yr3 - whereas my daughter could do her alphabet in nursery and spelling are easy to learn after two or three weeks of initial struggles. I was slow to get reading then it clicked and I flew ahead. My daughter did start reading slowly then raced ahead - but she really loves reading.
   

1. Praising effort and helping with confidence. I've been thinking of maybe drama lessons but I don't want to overload her with too much.
   

1. Memory - yes, we both have poor short term memories but she has a fantastic recall of events from when she was a toddler.

[gardenfeature]

It took a long while to work out that my DS had dyslexia because his reading was always OK. He too was quite eccentric and has been bullied on occassion for being weird. Junior school never understood him and several teachers suspected ASD. He was given a Literacy Assessment Pack which was a school dyslexia test and he passed this. Only a properly qualified person can test for dyslexia. I would recommend doing a Google on Twice Exceptional and Dyslexia. If children are bright then this can compensate to some degree and they can appear to be average or slightly below, rather than very bright but with a learning disability. Your DD sounds very bright and similar to my DS who was always making and doing (still is). Drama workshops have been a fantastic outlet and the first place where he really blended in. As you may know, people with dyslexia can be very creative and have the ability to think outside the box. One of the first keys to finding out what was going on was getting this book out of the library:

www.amazon.co.uk/Dyslexia-dyslexia-dyspraxia-learning-difficulties/dp/0091923387/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394518206&sr=8-1&keywords=dyslexia%20a%20parents%20guide&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[fairybaby]

I find that my bright DS benefits from doing a bit of work everyday, just enough to keep his on top of things. He has issues with perfectionism, hates being corrected and at the same time simply loathes being bad at something.
If he feels he is struggling with school work, he is capable pulling kinds of avoidance techniques. So I do my best to give him a bit of consolidating work everyday (10 - 15 min) so keep his confidence high. It seems to be working! It was hard at the beginning but so worth it.
We are also very careful to praise him for his hard work rather than for him being smart. We hope that he will understand that it is practice that makes his good at reading/maths etc. And if he is not good at something, he knows that he has to practice more.
Another issue with my son is that although very bright, he has below average working memory. Something in your post made me think your DD might have the some problem.

[whyisthishappening]

She really enjoys school and is very enthusiastic about going. She can get very involved and when she wants to talk it is hard to stop her. This is how she interrupts the class.

They tell her to slow down and say she has lots of ideas but struggles to get it written down correctly. Sometimes she just day dreams and gets very little work done. It is very variable.

Garden feature - I think she initially got targeted for bullying as she was a bit different and 'eccentric' according to staff. She has been moved up groups again today. Because of my dyslexia she has been tested but it's apparently not affecting her.

Would these early tests miss dyslexia?

At home she is very full on. It can be quite draining keeping her busy. She likes crafty things, cooking, art, drawing, painting, making books, she makes displays of objects (inspired by school displays), sticking things with glue, sequins, glitter. Her teddies all have names and personalities. Role play games are very involved. They have scene 1, scene 2 etc after last years Christmas nativity.

[simpson]

Personally I would follow the lead of your DD.

What does she say about school?

What does she like to do at home?

I would keep up with the reading (listening to her/reading to her) and go with anything she shows an interest in.

[gardenfeature]

I might be a little concerned about her being on the "bottom table". DS is dyslexic and was placed on the "bottom table" but he is actually very bright and should have been on the top table. This mismatch led to eccentric behaviour. Your DD could be bored, under stimulated and confused and so is switching off. Also, if she is very bright, this could be masking mild dyslexia - her work could appear to be average or slightly below when in fact she is under-achieving and struggling. Could be way off the mark but just a thought based on personal experience.

[Timetoask]

When I read the title of your OP I honestly thought this was going to be a thread about a teenager.
She is only 6 years old, you really need to let her find the love of learning, helping her grow in her emotional intelligence, please don't push her academically yet, you will make things worse.

[SirChenjin]

At 6 years old she shouldn't be subjected to any form of pressure in relation to her learning. She is a young child, fgs - by all means encourage a love of learning, but don't push her. At that age she should be playing, building friendships and confidence, and, most importantly, having fun.

Art - what an amount of pressure to be piling on children so young, privileged or otherwise.

[MrsRuffdiamond]

Imo 6 year olds should not even be in formal education.

You do know that studies have been done showing that countries which start formally educating their children later (6/7) invariably have better outcomes in numeracy and literacy at age 12?

Hothousing 4-6 year olds is ludicrously pushy, and potentially damaging for the child.

My 9 yr old was put on the G and T list at his school, and I take it with a pinch of salt. All it means is that he was in the top 10 per cent when they were tested. Depending on the cohort, therefore, he could be Einstein. or just quite good at maths. My guess is - quite good at maths.

I would support him in whatever he wanted to do, but when given the choice of going on a day maths course or training with his football club, he chose the latter. And that's fine. Let them be children. They're far more likely to reach their potential in a relaxed atmosphere, and they've got a whole lifetime to be on the treadmill.

[GooseyLoosey]

You may or may not be. We thought the bullying had had no effect on ds - it was only when he changed school that the profound impact it had had was observable. Ds himself was not even aware of it but his new teachers started asking what was wrong straight away.

Your dd may not be affected at all but it is something worth considering.

Art - wow, that sounds quite high pressure.

[whyisthishappening]

Goosey Loosey

The bullying in reception was quite severe. It has been sorted out although there was some low level bullying from her best friend at school at the beginning of this school year. This does seem to be ongoing but they are no longer best friends and they have been moved to different tables.

There didn't really seem to be much impact on her from the severe bullying, she was upset for a week and then it settled down. She was most upset about getting the bully in trouble with the head teacher.

She isn't as confident as she used to be - so we are probably underestimating the effects of the bullying.

[KatnipEvergreen]

^I really don't think we've been putting pressure on her. I wondered if we have been a bit lax and maybe needed to have done more at home. I want her to enjoy school and have friends - but I also want her to do well.

We do her reading most nights (sometimes she is tired or we don't have time), she does her homework and spellings every week.
I've never done that much with her academically at home although she writes mini-books. She writes pages of stories about fairies and unicorns. Her literacy work at school is occasionally up the the same standard but mostly very messy and just a few sentences . She does lots of craft activities, she loves the library. She goes to dance class (recommended to help her physical development). She goes to the park, she loves lego.

She struggled with the other children and was mostly playing with older children; she is now getting more friends in her age group. She was bullied last year by an older child.

Her creativity and imagination are always being mentioned by the school.^

It sounds like there is absolutely nothing to worry about, in that case.

[Marne]

I think it's ok to do work at home but only if the child enjoys it, dd1 has always done work through her own choice and mainly using the computer but we have never pushed her to do anything, she has always thrived at school. Your dd is only 6, a lot of kids may seem bright before they start school and in the early years compared to other children their age but a lot of the others do catch up and others slow down. If she enjoys reading then I would just let her read, she can learn a lot from reading ( my dd is a book worm and it has given her excellent vocabulary, great story righting skills and great general knowledge), if you push too much you will just make learning less fun for her.

[Artandco]

Goosey - everyone at ds's school can read. Very advanced reading tbh at the age of 4/5.
Hence we started the extra at home as although he can read we felt he was going to be left behind otherwise. I don't think he is learning more than the others at all, I think he is now at around the same level.
Many children at his school already have tutors/ governesses and its a very privalidged area so I think the schools expect higher than usual.

I hope our approach means he doesn't find the work too hard as he gets older, and that when he gets lots more homework it doesn't come as a huge shock

[Beastofburden]

I think it is very difficult to assess if a six year old is gifted and talented.

Much more likely that she had a spurt of development slightly ahead of her peer group and now she is consolidating.

Leave the poor child alone. Make sure she gets enough exercise, fresh air and fun. If she is genuinely bright she will motivate herself; if she isn't, you will make her miserable.

[ReallyTired]

Artandco even in London the majority of four year olds attend state primaries which are non selective. In fact London has the best state schools in the UK.

Children do have to sit down and work, but not at four!
At four learning social skills is more important than reading. Children develop academic work skills in their own time and the majority of seven year olds in mainstream UK state schools can sit down and work independently. Children's concentration improves as they get older.

Children's development and progress goes in fits and spurts.

[ClownsLeftJokersRight]

why Teachers do actually say that many children are creative and imaginative when describing this age-group. Because they often are..

Exams at 3 sounds depressing Art

[NurseyWursey]

She is 6.

6.

Dear god.

Also you cannot assess gifted and talented at such a young age IMO. reallytired has touched on reasons why.

I absolutely hated being classed as 'gifted and talented' because people always expect some super human level of knowledge, expecting me to come out and write a symphony or something. There's nothing wrong with sometimes being average.

And some children aren't gifted, but are just simply clever for their age. It catches up on them when they start settling and become on the same level as everyone else but then parents and teachers end up disappointed as their little genius isn't as astounding anymore.

[GooseyLoosey]

I have just seen the bullied bit. Don't underestimate the impact that this can have on a child even if it has now been stopped. What form did the bullying take?

Ds was the victim of some low level bullying for years. By the time we moved him, it came as a surprise to us to learn he had virtually stopped speaking in class because he had been singled out as being geeky and a bit mouthy/

[iseenodust]

IME learning goes in spurts as they do with height. You say school has given you some ideas so give them some time to work. Age 6 is a bit early to say she is not showing her potential. It may lie in foreign languages or engineering. If there is movement up and down tables this is good as the teacher is monitoring/adapting and it can mean upwards too.

There is a gap perhaps though in you saying her behaviour is brilliant and school reporting she will not sit still and interrupts.

[GooseyLoosey]

OP - could there be something else going on with her at school? Is she unhappy with some aspect of it? Do the school have an explanation for her behaviour?

Artandco - Have you thought what outcome you want from your approach? Your ds may learn more than the other children, but the school are likely to teach all of them the same. I could read and write etc at 4 and spent my early school years bored to tears.

[whyisthishappening]

I really don't think we've been putting pressure on her. I wondered if we have been a bit lax and maybe needed to have done more at home. I want her to enjoy school and have friends - but I also want her to do well.

We do her reading most nights (sometimes she is tired or we don't have time), she does her homework and spellings every week.
I've never done that much with her academically at home although she writes mini-books. She writes pages of stories about fairies and unicorns. Her literacy work at school is occasionally up the the same standard but mostly very messy and just a few sentences . She does lots of craft activities, she loves the library. She goes to dance class (recommended to help her physical development). She goes to the park, she loves lego.

She struggled with the other children and was mostly playing with older children; she is now getting more friends in her age group. She was bullied last year by an older child.

Her creativity and imagination are always being mentioned by the school.

[Artandco]

Clowns - yes seriously. Luckily the school mine attend/ well attend don't have this system, but all of their friends at neighbouring schools have had to spend several days at different school to see whether they will be accepted. Most nurseries will be training the children from 2/3 to pass the exams