In general do parents find that their bright children find it difficult to settle in once they start school?

[Again]

When people come across a child who is academically advanced before starting school they frequently remark that they will have problems adjusting to school because they will know everything already. In your experience is this actually true?

[dulwichparkrunner]

I think my son (assessed as highly gifted G &T by school and ed psych) )only really got into his stride in Year 2. My observation is that there was a bit of a gulf socially between him and his classmates in nursery, Reception and Year 1, but that gap has now narrowed so today the whole class seems to find the same things funny and enjoy the same TV programmes, love the same computer games and have the same views on fairness etc. I have made a point of making sure he knows about things (like the X-Factor) that he might not have been terribly interested in, to help him out socially. (plus I like it ha ha)

From the academic point of view, I have found his Year 2 teacher seems better able to provide effective differentiation, but that could partly be because the stage they are at now makes that easier. ie if they are doing a project then he can work at his own level.

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

I have watched this thread with interest because I have mixed feelings.
DD1 isn't gifted/talented but advanced in all areas. Like lots of other people I haven't been pushy, just answered her questions, count conkers, trees and things as we go, make things and talk lots. At school in reception this week they were asked to colour in humpty dumpty which she did neatly in the lines, she then turned the colouring over, asked for tracing paper and traced. She then drew it free hand. She extended her own learning using imagination.
The phonics thing is annoying because they go at a slow pace, she came home with 4 new sounds for the week and new them without any practice.
On the plus side she was not very good at tolerating her younger sister and peers but that has improved significantly in the last few weeks. She has several little friends and has been invited to a Birthday party which is lovely. She behaves well but comes across as shy.

She didn't want me to take her to school, she didn't see the need because she said, ' I always look both ways until there are no cars, I know the way and its only up the road!' I said fair comment but unfortunately its the law and the police might tell me off!

[bubbleymummy]

Hi bruffin. I didn't mean to suggest that it was all about literacy. Someone earlier mentioned that they thought it was a myth that schools didn't like children Reading/writing/ learning numbers etc before they started school and I was just sharing our experience of one particular school -thankfully they aren't all like that! They just liked their own method of teaching and didn't want to accomodate different methods which I think is ridiculous because children learn in different ways. Regarding phonics, I do think they have a place but I dislike the way children are taught phonics as letters rather than the sounds that letters make iykwim. I also hate the way they are used as a one size fits all approach to reading because not all children learn to read that way. Anyway, rant over. As you were :)

[bruffin]

I think a lot of people forget school is not just about literacy even in the early days. DCs did a lot of projects on things like growing up, they even covered florence nightingale, poppy day and botswana in infants,also gravity and forces. There was plenty to keep bright children happy if they were interested in learning.


I don't actually see it as a problem that DD re did her phonics, she taught herself to read and probably missed bits out. She is/was a very sociable girl who loves learning and always takes a very active part in lessons (thankfully in a good way). Teachers in primary used her to liven up the class if they found the lesson was a bit flat and to bounce off of.

DS has SLD problems and wasn't reading etc when he started, again he had a love of learning and was interested in everything. He tended to have more problems when he was in year 6 and starting secondary. He was very mature for his age and gone past the silly little boy thing. Once he went to secondary he tended to go to clubs with a lot older children ie 6th form electronics. He is year 10 now and most of his friends out of school are year 11 or higher.
He was one of those children that definitely didn't look very advanced on paper when he started school, but passed most of those that were reading well by the time he got to secondary.

[Lynli]

My DS had a terrible time fitting in at school, although he was very advanced academically I don't think that was the problem.

It was his vocabulary, as other DCs just did not understand what he was saying.

It took until year 4 for him to make good friends.

I didn't choose to teach or not teach him before he started school, he just picked everything up. He would open his eyes in the morning and start asking questions before his head left the pillow.

[bubbleymummy]

One of the schools we looked at didn't seem to like that DS could read. We were told that he would have to learn phonics with the rest of the class( even though he's known them for years) They also did that stupid "this week we are learning the letter 'luh'" nonsense. (Why do they do that?) DS learned it as the letter 'L' and that it makes the sound 'luh'. He would have hated having to learn it again the 'wrong' way. Other schools weren't like that at all but there are some out there! Thankfully, we don't have to think about it yet. He's HEd for now and we'll see what happens in the future. :)

[bruffin]

I do know another school in our area wasn't keen on children reading. They complained to DC's nursery that the children were too advanced when they started, so dcs nursery stopped one to one reading when DD was there. Another child who went to that school wasn't given any books and was told she had to wait until the others caught up.
My dcs preschool was really lovely and they weren't pushy.

[Bink]

Brightness style varies just like personality style varies. Er, I am saying what cory just said.

But really, some bright children do the duckling-instant-joyous-swim thing (as do some perfectly average children) and some don't.

I think the only really fair thing to say is that the brighter a child is the more of a unique presentation he or she is going to be - so the more 'extreme' the issues (or non-issues) - ie, the more alienated they might be, or the more extraordinarily able to take everything & everyone & every subject in their stride.

(Disclosure: I have one at each end of the range. Luckily, they love each other.)

[ByTheSea]

My very bright DDs love school.

[magicmummy1]

I think it's a myth about schools disliking it when children start school already able to read - that certainly hasn't been our experience. Why on earth would they object????

[bruffin]

My DD has always positively thrived in school, she was reading fluently within weeks of starting school, but she was interested in everything.
My inlaws were shocked when she was reading words like architecture over DH's shoulder just after she started school. DH was filling in a family tree on his laptop. SIL muttered something along the lines that her DS's school didn't like them to be reading before they started.
I think people forget they are doing so much more than learning to read and write in infants.

[Kammy]

Same for my ds. His only dissapointment was that after one term of Year R he thought he would be going into Year 1 (and that all the children would not just him!). School is his world.

[magicmummy1]

Came a bit late to this discussion, but just wanted to say that my (bright) dd took to school like a duck to water when she started last year. Now in year 1, she has truly loved every minute of it. The school is great at providing differentiated work for her, and she has made tons of lovely little friends!

[Again]

It's not for another 2 years anyway and I don't think that there's anything we can do other than to accept him for who he is at this particular moment in time.

[Spinkle]

Sheesh.

Any kids who thinks he/she knows everything has got that idea from somewhere - i.e parents.


I blame the parents.

[witlesssarah]

Oh he sounds great and so do you. DS (starting reception)can count well past ten (by the yoghurt pot method) and noone has said he's advanced. And FWIW he's loving school.

[Again]

To be honest the child who was taught numbers that I mentioned was four and I don't think she could count to more than 10. The parents suggested that the teacher said she would be very advanced, but perhaps the teacher meant 'give the poor kid a break'. It may have been the parents telling me off, when actually we haven't taught our ds other than to answer questions - he just picks it up himself. I do feel the glare of disapproval or have been told by relatives to teach him to kick a ball around instead so that he will mix with other children when he gets to school. But he is a very sociable 3 year old.

[witlesssarah]

But if he wants to count yoghurts on the table in preference to socialising, you should work on the socialising

[cory]

condoms at every corner, hully

[witlesssarah]

perhaps the 'don't teach him numbers' comment was meant to suggest that he be taught something else, like how to listen, share, take turns, take an interest in others. These are the things a child needs good grounding in when they get to school. If they want to learn other things like numbers and reading, all well and good as long as it doesn't get in the way of these more important and time sensitive skills. If you don't learn these things young you will find it very difficult to catch up later.

When I struggled with sports or social issues as a child my mother would tell me 'it doesn't matter, you're bright' I know she wanted to protect me from feeling the failure but she did me no favours. I worked hard in my teens to find my way to social skills.