okaaaay .... it's possible that dh has bipolar disorder

[Miaou]

He went to the gp on Wednesday and she said she definitely isn't ruling it out, though she is going to change his ADs to see if that helps at all.

It's not a shock as we have suspected it may be the case for some time. But he has struggled to work over the past 10 years or so and I think we have to accept that working is just simply not compatible with his condition, whether it is bipolar or just straightforward depression.

I wasn't feeling too bad about it until I wrote this out but seeing it in black and white is quite hard actually. Ho hum.

[Overrun]

Hi Miaou,

If you want help, even if you are very rural you will have to fall under the responsiblity of a team somewhere, and there is an obligation if your dp was eligible for services to make sure that you are able to receive them.
The NHS may have many failings but can work really well. I'm glad that you are going into this with an open mind. It is also promising that you say your dp feels the same. Sometimes people find diagnosis labelling, but it can be reassuring to know what it is, as long as there is a plan drawn up as to how to tackle it.
Good luck with it all anyway

[morningpaper]

lol@ zippi's "total loon" - I know just what you mean. I once woke up naked in my own garden pond.

Miaou - it is very hard spotting the highs and lows, although sometimes spouses are much better at it than the sufferer themselves. It might be a good time to think about some kind of couples counselling, so that you could work out ways of communicating these kind of things to each other during difficult times (rather than waiting until things are shit if you knwo what I mean).

Overrun yes it is luck of the draw, although I think that things are much better now than they were 10 years ago. There are lots of services for mental health service users that didn't exist then. You are also right that I was lucky in that I was proactive. I work with mental health service users sometimes and I know how some people just accept their condition and can't get out of it. It's frustrating seeing them stuck there, but at the end of the day only the person themself can lift themselves out of things.

Miaou have you contacted your local branch of Mind? They have a lot of services that might be able to help you. Some have carers groups too. It's worth finding out what's available. My local Mind has all sorts, including a runner's group, free aromatherapy massages for carers, loads of great stuff that you don't have to be totally barking to tap into. :)

[Overrun]

For some people a diagnosis can be a relief and a starting point on the road to getting better.
Even if your dp is diagnosed with BPAD, this is only one small part of him, he is still the same person but not just not well. Having said this, having a diagnosis doesn't mean that you are not responsible for your actions (you have to be totally incapacitated for this to be the case).
You say he takes it out on you, maybe, counselling could help him learn coping stragegies so he stops doing this

[Miaou]

thanks overrun - it's nice to be able to talk to people about this. I love him dearly and feel about this just like I would if he was diagnosed with heart disease or diabetes - ie concerned for his health and looking to what I could do to help alleviate symptoms.

He has made HUGE steps in the last year - admitting he needed to take ADs was a big thing for him and fortunately has made a difference - it's now just a case (in my mind) of fine-tuning. Fortunately the real "him" is still there and he can function well on many levels (he is a great father, hence we are not changing our plans to complete our family - yet, anyway).

[Miaou]

Thanks for the suggestions - I will certainly mull things over - there's a lot to think about in here! Will show this thread to dh too. Thank you zippi and mp for being so candid

[mousiemousie]

My university professor was bipolar and took lithium. His career was sparkling but his personal life sadly less so. So it is certainly possible for some sufferers to have brilliant careers, and I don't think my prof's personal problems were purely down to this syndrome, so I didn't mean to sound negative. But it sounds like a tricky one to live with before someone is successfully medicated at least.

The highs for my prof consisted of spending loads of money he hadn't got, and thinking himself irresistible to all women...

[Overrun]

Morningpaper - I agree that mental health services both statutory and voluntary have improved massively in the last ten years. They now work much more with service users. I think most psychiatrists accept that medication is not the only tool for dealing with mental illness. Nowadays services are intergrated and psychiatrists work alongside social workers, nurses, occupational therapist, psychologists.
As mentioned before, there is a much better understanding of the part that works plays in someones self esteem, and thats why a lot teams have specialist workers who try and get people back to work.
So Miaou, hopefully this will be your experience of services

[zippitippitoes]

Miaou Is it only in the last twelve months that your dh started on ADS?

example of nutty behaviour...which is fairly repeatable.. there was a series on TV about depression in 1999 which I watched and the presenter/author showed a hospital room that he had been in when he was ill..it had just a bed and was very monastic looking..I thought that is where I want to be

I got up and left the house..and walked about 3 miles barefoot to the general hospital


on the way there I took an anti depressant every few metres..I thought they were breadcrumbs and I would be able to find my way home again because I was taking them (Hansel and Gretel)

I got to the hospital and walked to the children's ward where there was a gate to the ward

I then panicked because I thought I might frighten the children (it was the middle of the night)

so I made my way back again and talked to a security guard who took me to A&E

I spent the rest of the night talking to a nurse

and eventually went to a ward

I spoke briefly to a psychiatrist and was sent home

I went to my hairdresser's appointment that day

While I was there I looked down and noticed I had the hospital "bracelet" on...

[Miaou]

Yes zippi, he finally acknowledged that he wasn't going to get better on his own and that taking ADs was not "cheating". Up until recently he has been fairly even in mood but then had a noticeable manic phase which lasted about four/five months, which he is now coming out of and going into a depression again. He's never done anything like you describe though - not delusional (or suicidal either). How scary for you.

[tyedye]

Hi miaou,my dp bonkers,and defensive and aggressive,gp wants to help,no diagnosis other than depression,dp now stopped all medication and refuses all help as i am "colluding"with gp to "drug"him.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Sorry to hear this Miaou. Although, the fact that a diagnosis si on its way to being made can only be a good thing.

Sending you lots of love and luck adn hope things work out for the best for you both.

xxx

[ScummyMummy]

Hope diagnosis helps, miaou and that you and dp either get access to services that can help or find your own ways of coping successfully like Morningpaper. Like others have said bipolar really affects different people in different ways and jobless houseboundness need not be part of the picture at all.

I think my mum had an experience very like yours, zippi. Except it led to quite a long hospital admission and then wasn't repeated. I loved the way you described it. Thank you.

[hunkermunker]

Miaou, my love, have emailed you x x x

(not sure I'm actually any help, mind )

[zippitippitoes]

I was similar to your dh miaou, in that I never went to the gp until the start of 1999 when I made it my New Years Resolution to get anti depressants which I'd never had before. I was also one of the people who said that your dh drink/ads incident was a similar experience to what I'd had (except I didn't get arrested)..interesting.

By the beginning of April and via a few changes in meds I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I have a few novels stored up to write about the period between Jan and April.

I was in hospital until about the end of June.

The point of this is that if you are bipolar then ads can produce mania. So hopefully he will be better on his new meds.

I think I have your email address but as I have it by default won't use it without permission.

I've found it interesting to read posts on this thread. I've started a couple of threads myself before on this subject.

[Blandmum]

as I mentioned we have some family experience of bipolar. In that case the person was diagnosed after a manic phase. Very much not sitting at home depressed rather going out and taking big risks, personaly, socialy and finacialy. One of the problems in the manic phase is that people with bipolar conditions can be very hard to get to take their medication. Because during the manic phase they feel bloody great.

Person is fine now, and under good control, had great quality of life.

[Miaou]

Thank you everyone for your posts and support - although I really wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's nice to know we're not alone!

Hunker, got your email this morning and will reply. Zippi - feel free to email me, that would be great!

So far dh's manic phases have been fairly manageable -even before he took ADs - it's the downs that are hard to cope with (for all of us). The downs are so big and long-lasting that this is why he didn't consider manic depression until recently - as you say mb, when you are manic you feel great, so you feel like there isn't a problem.

We spent a lot of time talking about this a week or two ago - when he was feeling stable - and he read loads about bipolar and realised just how many boxes he could tick.

Our biggest problem from a "getting back to normal" pov atm is that even if he gets appropriate medication and it works brilliantly and he is stable again, he still cannot work until August 08 because of losing his license (impossible to work here without a car). Which then contributes to further depression. Argh!!

He has gone fishing for the w/e just now - he was in two minds about whether he could be bothered to go (and he is passionate about fishing under normal circumstances!) - however he has gone and seems ok though I have had minimal contact. He has lots of supportive friends who like him for who he is (he met them all online, it's the fishing equivalent of mumsnet!!), so I feel he is in good hands.

Waffling now. It's nice to be able to talk though.

[zippitippitoes]

Hi Miaou

I had a rather tortuous day yesterday with my grandson and a real handful so couldn't reply again. I think I've sent you an email just to check it was actually your address and not a random mn.

I think manic depression is something which you recognise in yourself before you get diagnosed.

It's definitely a good thing that dh is able to discuss it and have yoyr support.