My brother abused me as a child. For years he would make me touch him and kiss him whenever my mom wasn't there. He was 3.5 years older. I tried to tell my mom about it at the time but she just told me to go away and stop being silly. Because we were smacked a lot as kids and mom didn't seem bothered I was too scared and confused to tell her again. He carried on for a long time after, always with coercion telling me he'd tell mom something about me (to get me into trouble) to get me to do what I wanted. It only ended when I stood up to him after he tried to make me do what he wanted on a petrol station car park when mom went to pay for the petrol and I was so embarrassed as well as everything else I felt and I think I had become old enough to realise I didn't have to do what he said anymore.
It's only recently I have started to be able to deal with this and try to stop it hurting inside in some way. I just don't want it to affect my life as much as it does anymore.
He tried to absolve himself at a family party a few years ago in front of his new partner by saying 'do you remember what we used to do when we were little?' I was floored as it made it real and couldn't believe he tried to make me implicit in it as I had never wanted to do those things.
I told my mom and dad by email separately what happened and how I wanted to try and deal with it in some way. I got a brief reply from my dad acknowledging that I must be feeling bad and that he'd call but he didn't. Mom called me after a day or so but didn't talk about it at all she started talking about another issue of how I felt they were giving the kids too many sweets and it was affecting the kids health. After that nothing. Knowing my parents as I do my mom had probably given my dad a vague confirmation that she had 'sorted it' and then tried to bury it, and he believed her.
They still keep organising family events with my brother and asking me to come.
I feel utterly abandoned and betrayed by them and feel like my feelings don't matter at all. I have tried to talk to my husband and a couple of friends and a therapist about it and every one of them has avoided the issue. Once I have mentioned it a couple of times I feel like I can't mention it again and I'm so embarrassed to think I've exposed this part of my life that I kept buried successfully for so long.
Now I feel completely estranged from my parents and they have taken to ignoring me except to ask about the kids and give the kids presents. I can't talk to anyone. I feel so alone just because I have tried to deal with this issue. Sometimes I feel like I make progress and feel a bit stronger but then I have to interact with either my family or people I've told again and I feel like I'm crumbling inside again.
I suppose knowing what I do now I don't really expect a reply and know no one will help me. I just wanted to write it down and put it out there. Catharsis and all that. I just don't understand the premise that if you come forward you can get help. I have found the complete opposite to be true and I have lost friends and family because I have tried to tell my truth. I had few friends before and now I feel I have ruined what few friendships I had because I have told people. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you are safe and well.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Genealogy
Parents have shut me down over abuse
17 replies
Waitingonadream · 11/04/2021 20:32
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.