Fostering Panel - Is it worth battling this?

[SamiaMcx]

Hi,
me & my husband has been going through our fostering application for now going onto 7 month.

Our panel should have been this month but due to delays with annual leave with our social worker, it has been delayed to August as no dates available for July.

we’ve been super proactive as it’s something we both are very passionate about (my mum is a foster carer and i was inspired by her growing up in a foster carer household). The books my social worker told me to read i’ve done - pretty much everything she’s asked we’ve done happily!

i’ve been told throughout that we’re lovely and ideal and that everything seems so good especially due to my understanding and knowledge from growing up with my mum being a foster carer.

when we came to the identity forum part, it seemed an issue stemmed here. Me and my husband is all fairness aren’t so educated and knowledge in the LGBTQ+ however our closest friends are apart of this community. I.e, Gay, Bisecual etc. we mentioned we’d have absolute no issue at all looking after children who identify as apart of this community as they are still human, still require the same love, care and support. Although in my religion it isn’t supported, I did mention that it still states to accept everyone etc. i mentioned yes If i had my own children - I would want them to follow my religion, but ultimately if they chose that path i’d have to support bc they are my children. (We don’t have kids currently)

this seemed to have caused a big bump in our application. The next session our social worker basically said they don’t think they can take us forward regardless that every other thing about our application was great?
i was really taken back and surprised as it wasn’t something we even said no to? We were open and i even asked for training and education so I can be more knowledgable in this sector.

we basically got told we can continue but she’d be giving a negative review or we can withdraw our application.

i think this is really unfair and all the hard work we did, i don’t want to have to start with another agency and go through this again. I don’t want to give up either as I believe we have a real good motivation and passion for helping children in need and we have so much love to give. However realistically am i being silly to continue on?

do you reckon is it worth me fighting for this?
if so, if they still declined would that affect me going elsewhere?

Thank you appreciate its a long read!

Hi!
So sorry to hear you got that reaction, has there been any updates on this?

Personally, I would seek out speaking to another social worker within that agency to get a second opinion, as it seems very strange when you’re clearly supportive and welcoming to any groups children may identify in within your home.

Also, if it’s not possible to speak with other social work about this.. if you still choose to go ahead with the assessment, it is fully possible to pass panel with a negative review, as ultimately it’s the panel and final decision maker who make the decisions, so if it came up at panel (which it probably would if that’s the only issue) you would have plenty time to defend your case and explain your situation.

Hope things improve for you 😊

Hi I am sorry for the late reply - I am a Foster Parent and have been for the last 10 years. I would suggest that you could appeal the decision if this is all that is going against you.

If you have friends who are LGBT+ perhaps they could write a supporting statement if you think that would help? You can even evidence (I'm guessing?) that you asked for further training (you would get this anyway when you are approved).
It might also be worth looking at Foster Care Agencies that are specific to your religion if this is still a stumbling block for the Local Authority.

Religious belief is a protected characteristic so no local authority should be discriminating on that basis.

I am a little confused about what you said about wanting your children to follow your religion - did you mean hypothetically if you had biological children?

If you meant foster children I suppose that might pose a conundrum for social workers because in theory you might be fostering children who have their own religious background different to you, or no religion at all. Especially in the case of older children.

In that sort of scenario I imagine the LA would want the child to be able to embrace their own heritage/beliefs. In an ideal world foster parents would be well matched to foster children but I know there's a shortage of people wanting to foster so that isn't always possible.

I hope you can get it resolved because you do come across as being passionate about fostering and your family experience should help.

Best of luck.

definitely see it through. assessing sw on a power trip. Prob just been on a course about LGBTQ+ and saw a chance to be important....

I’ve been a fc for many years and have no experience other than courses of LGBTQ+.
Fostering is a job where you are learning new things all the time.
Our child since being with us has been diagnosed asd/adhd. I previously had no experience of these conditions, however now ( after 10years) I consider myself a bit of an expert!
I have sourced my own training and have joined support groups.
We never know what are birth children are going to be like- it’s the same with foster kids, you learn and grow together and this way you can offer your support.
I would definitely battle this out, as a matter of principle if nothing else.

I'm a Foster Carer OP. I can tell you the last 3 years they have had trans courses in particular running every 3 months. The child I foster is a male of 17 he is very much into his sport and has several female friends who are very sporting too they all play sport at county level. Foster son has now decided he won't wear Nike anymore in support of his female friends. He mentioned it to his SW and she was furious. Saying he had to support transwomen and when he said they shouldn't compete against females as it wasn't fair she wanted to talk with us to see if we had influenced him at all. I told her his female sporting friends probably had pointed out unfairness to him and he says it's cheating and she said I should have challenged him on it because all 'women' including trans women must be treated equally. I told her she could talk with him and tell him that herself but he's 17 and has a good understanding of sport and male and female physiology and capabilities in sport because he is doing BTEC Sport in college. She left very unhappy. We haven't really influenced him one way or the other but do respect his right to have his own views. I have always had very favourable reports for LAC review from this SW but I admit I'm a bit nervous this year now. I've nothing against trans people wearing female clothes or make up if they want to but I don't think transwomen should compete in female sport or invade female spaces like communal changing rooms where there are no cubicles. I don't think that is unreasonable but I suspect SS would.

That's awful Caring. He should be allowed his opinion as should you. I certainly believe that female sports should be for biological females, otherwise those that are are massively disadvantaged.

In our street there is a teenage girl who identifies as non binary. My foster sons were a bit confused and I think they thought she literally wasn't either a boy or a girl. I said it's important to respect her and use the name she wants and the pronouns she prefers around her, but no matter how she wants to present herself, the fact is she is and always will be a biological girl.

It's probably fortunate that this issue has not come up around a social worker!

For any issue, I think if there is a process for you to ask for a second opinion, then it makes sense to use the process.

Do I think you should 'battle'? No. I think you can't easily battle an organisation that holds the power of judgement.

Your OP included this: Although in my religion it isn’t supported, I did mention that it still states to accept everyone etc. I would seek much more info about what the organisation's concern actually is, and be open to reflecting. Realistically speaking you won't be approved as a foster carer for an organisation if what they expect of you in a certain situation would appear to be incompatible with your religious beliefs.

I think you need to understand more about their reasoning.

Oh, I see the op posted some time ago, this may all be resolved!!

I don’t have any experience of this area, but when you hit a particular person who becomes a road block, it’s always worth navigating around them.

Thanks guys for all your input.

my social worker has spoken to someone else in the team and they suggested we wait a year to show we took initiative to do relevant training etc which I don’t understand tbh. And to come back in a year to show that we allowed time.

I’m really stuck because I want to go ahead to panel but if I get declined, i don’t want to then loose out of that.

i’ve applied to another agency now but not sure if I should still go to panel with the first and try my luck. Or if that would sabotage my second try with another agency! So stressful, i do feel like my religious beliefs are not being treated with the same fairness as other peoples beliefs. ALTHOUGH, i stated i would never put my opinions or views on any foster child i would encourage them to believe in their own

definitely see it through. assessing sw on a power trip. Prob just been on a course about LGBTQ+ and saw a chance to be important

Or they're concerned about potentially sending a lgb child to a home where they believe that honosexuality is wrong.

It could be the way you’re communicating.

we mentioned we’d have absolute no issue at all looking after children who identify as apart of this community as they are still human, still require the same love, care and support.
This sounds quite offensive honestly. It sounds like you’re saying you’d care for them even though they’re not straight. “They are gay but they’re still human” sounds like you’re putting them down, you think less of them.

Although in my religion it isn’t supported, I did mention that it still states to accept everyone etc.
Wouldn’t it be a difficult thing for a LBG+ child to join a foster family whose religion is fundamentally opposed to something so core to them? Will they see other members of the same religion; friends, family, other children, and will they be so accepting? Will they hear any religious teachings?

i mentioned yes If i had my own children - I would want them to follow my religion, but ultimately if they chose that path i’d have to support bc they are my children.
Are you talking only about religion here or about being LGB+? Are you saying if you had a child they’d need to identify as a heterosexual to follow your religion?

i do feel like my religious beliefs are not being treated with the same fairness as other peoples beliefs Whose beliefs are treated differently to yours? How would you know in detail about other people?

I think you need to engage with why they are concerned.

You should probably think carefully about how you've expressed yourself. You know that you would be welcoming and accepting, but you obviously have a red flag or two in the way you speak about this. Don't go to panel and try your luck. Either wait a year or go to different agency. Make sure you are 100% supportive of LGBT young people and know how to express that without throwing all safeguarding or other concerns out of the window. We got grilled on this issue too and on what we would do if a child did not want to / was not allowed to come to church with us.

I'm not sure exactly how you phrased it to the social worker but one thing that jumped at me in your first post was :

"Although in my religion it isn’t supported, I did mention that it still states to accept everyone etc. i mentioned yes If i had my own children - I would want them to follow my religion, but ultimately if they chose that path i’d have to support bc they are my children."

Your part about if they chose that path specifically, might be what they took exception to because you don't choose to be gay, it's just who you are and what religion or culture you are doesn't change your sexuality, it's not a choice.

If you reword as: I will support my dc whatever paths they take in life , whatever their sexuality is, and whilst I would prefer they chose to follow my religion I will support them whatever faith they choose or if they choose none.

And religion should not be in conflict with tolerance. I even work in it and we are welcoming of all, and yes including those who are gay. Reject hatred and intolerance of others - the world would be such a better place!

@SamiaMcx

I would want them to follow my religion, but ultimately if they chose that path i’d have to support bc they are my children. (We don’t have kids currently)

What path?

Just a warning as well…. You can’t apply to 2 agencies at once, it’s not permitted.

so if you have applied to another agency now you must withdraw from your original assessment. I’m surprised you’ve not been told this. you can’t carry on to panel and apply somewhere else.

also you need to give the details of the first agency to the second and they will liaise. They will need to know why the assessment has ended, no matter who ended it.

Completely agree with this. However, if your view is that it's a choice then I would rather you don't hide that in an assessment.