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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Fostering

Do I need permission from my carers to leave the house at 16?

21 replies

Oricorio · 18/06/2023 03:25

Hi all, I understand that this forum is intended for foster carers, however I wasn't sure where else to find an answer to my question as I've searched online and found nothing.

For context, I want to visit a friend in London for 3 nights in ~2 weeks time (I live in Wales, meaning London is roughly a 4 hours' drive away), however I'm concerned that my foster carers would not allow me to go, mainly as they believe I'm not responsible enough (Afaik, the only reason they believe this is that I neglected my chores for a few weeks as I was focusing on revision for my A-level exams, as I have never misbehaved, endangered others etc.) However, from a legal standpoint, do they have any power to prevent me from going? I'm well aware of the possible risks, and I would consider myself to be rather mature, which my foster carers agree with, and I'm also aware that normal 16 year olds have the right to leave without parent's permission, but would it be different considering I'm a foster child?

OP posts:

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Seeleyboo · 18/06/2023 03:58

Ex foster child here. They can't stop you from going. However, they may and are probably duty bound to report you as missing if you don't return in the evening. You will then possibly be picked up by police and returned. I also believe they can refuse you back so alternative accommodation will have to be sought. Resource centre or another foster carer. Take it from me. Who did this ALOT. it's not worth the hassle.

Oricorio · 18/06/2023 04:03

I doubt that they'd report me as missing, as I don't intend on just disappearing - Sorry, I should've made it clear that I would make them aware of where I am, and ensure them that I'm safe, as well as allowing them to speak to my friend's parents beforehand.

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 18/06/2023 04:19

I don't think many 16 year old would up and leave against their parents permission even though they wouldn't like the restriction. Mine certainly wouldn't have although they weren't model children or anything. Obviously l don't know what relationship you have with your Foster parents but unless they are abusive..in which case you would have discussed it with your social worker..l think you need to respect their rules and not go. I presume you intend to live with them until at least 18 so you need to keep a good relationship for everyone's sake for another while.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/06/2023 04:26

I wouldn't allow any 16 year old to go to London for that long on their own. Particularly as you live so far away. Foster care or not. A day trip if you lived closer, possibly but not three nights. Who are these friends?

MamaBear2210T · 18/06/2023 04:29

Social worker here - it wouldn't be up to your foster carers they would need to speak with you social worker who would make that decision. Overnights of more than a few days and away from home would need to be agreed and possibly police checked by social services.

Oricorio · 18/06/2023 04:31

It's one friend, who I knew from school but moved away. Also, I was not asking for anyone's opinions on the matter, because frankly they don't know enough about the situation, I was simply asking if my foster carers could theoretically prevent me. As I stated previously, I would inform my carers in advance, and it's quite literally no different than if I went on holiday with friends for a few nights, which is something plenty of people at my age do.

OP posts:

Silverbook · 18/06/2023 04:44

Oricorio · 18/06/2023 04:31

It's one friend, who I knew from school but moved away. Also, I was not asking for anyone's opinions on the matter, because frankly they don't know enough about the situation, I was simply asking if my foster carers could theoretically prevent me. As I stated previously, I would inform my carers in advance, and it's quite literally no different than if I went on holiday with friends for a few nights, which is something plenty of people at my age do.

The short answer from what you’ve given -

They would be duty bound to report this to your social worker who would probably refer to the police if you’d left without going through the correct channels of policy and procedures in place for safeguarding.

ImustLearn2Cook · 18/06/2023 04:45

Can your foster parents theoretically prevent you from going to your friend in London and staying a few nights?

I think you should be asking yourself what the possible consequences will be if you go even though they have said no. Which they haven’t yet as you haven’t asked them and they might surprise you and say yes. Especially, if your friend’s parents talk to them and put their minds at rest that you are welcome and will be well cared for.

If they say no and you respond with: too bad you can’t legally stop me, how would that affect the relationship? Will they want to continue fostering you? Are you ok with potentially being relocated to a different foster family?

These are questions you should be asking yourself.

It must be hard for you to be in the foster system. But I think you need to realise that 16 year olds living with their parents don’t necessarily have more freedom than you.

Doingmybest12 · 18/06/2023 04:59

As you say people don't know enough to advise you. I would talk to your social worker about the safe care plans and what is reasonable and about any rules you aren't happy with. They will want you to see your friend if it is a good friendship and hopefully will help make a plan everyone is happy with. But sadly because you are fostered there are processes that are in place to make sure you are safe and to stop everyone looking after you saying 'yes, do what ever you want' . Hopefully your foster carers are saying no because they care about you and are doing their job well because they care. Good luck talking things through.

Mumdiva99 · 18/06/2023 05:36

Your focusing on the wrong thing. It's not about legality here. It's that thesr people are acting as your parents. As a parent - their house, their rules. So whatever they end up saying- that's the answer.

I remember being 16 and my parents not letting me do things....in hindsight some I agree with some not.....but I'm an OK adult.

Unfortunately not all parents decisions are what we want. But they are doing the best they can.

As someone upthread said - you haven't actually asked yet. But if they say no - accept it for now. Ask them to work with you to find a way to visit/see the friend that they are happy with.

TeenDivided · 18/06/2023 05:42

How can you be doing revision for A level exams at 16?
You say 4hrs drive, but at 16 you can't drive so would this be the train?
Or are you 18?

That said, I agree with others. This isn't about legality it is about compromise (& procedure).

Your FC have a duty of care. Approach it like an adult. If they are reluctant to say yes, ask if there is anything you could do/say to lessen their concerns. Stropping off and going anyway won't make you seem adult in their eyes and my make them less cooperative about things like lifts or other support.

ChittyBangabang · 18/06/2023 05:48

You have to follow your 'parents' rules. That is what they are there for, to set boundaries and give the guidance their experience warrants.

If you were my 16 year old, you wouldn't be going.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2023 05:51

TeenDivided · 18/06/2023 05:42

How can you be doing revision for A level exams at 16?
You say 4hrs drive, but at 16 you can't drive so would this be the train?
Or are you 18?

That said, I agree with others. This isn't about legality it is about compromise (& procedure).

Your FC have a duty of care. Approach it like an adult. If they are reluctant to say yes, ask if there is anything you could do/say to lessen their concerns. Stropping off and going anyway won't make you seem adult in their eyes and my make them less cooperative about things like lifts or other support.

This. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

mummabubs · 18/06/2023 06:48

TeenDivided · 18/06/2023 05:42

How can you be doing revision for A level exams at 16?
You say 4hrs drive, but at 16 you can't drive so would this be the train?
Or are you 18?

That said, I agree with others. This isn't about legality it is about compromise (& procedure).

Your FC have a duty of care. Approach it like an adult. If they are reluctant to say yes, ask if there is anything you could do/say to lessen their concerns. Stropping off and going anyway won't make you seem adult in their eyes and my make them less cooperative about things like lifts or other support.

Slight sideline but the A levels at 16 and driving comment also confused me.

Assuming this is all a legit post, honestly at 16 my parents wouldn't have let me go to London solo. And I'd have respected it. You seem mature in how you write OP, so I'd be thinking about what the consequences could be of you going against their wishes, for them, for you and your relationship.

MassiveSalad22 · 18/06/2023 06:51

I don’t know many (any) 16 year olds who can drive and are doing a levels.

Also don’t know any who would be allowed to go to London for 4 days alone.

Fostered or not!

TeenDivided · 18/06/2023 06:52

As a parent, if I knew the family from before and trusted them to supervise appropriately and that their DD was not 'wild' / into drugs / drink then I'd be OK.

However presumably your FC doesn't know them. You may not believe it, but the experiences that led you to being in FC may make you extra vulnerable too.

Perhaps your friend could come to visit you instead?

Seeleyboo · 18/06/2023 09:28

Oricorio · 18/06/2023 04:03

I doubt that they'd report me as missing, as I don't intend on just disappearing - Sorry, I should've made it clear that I would make them aware of where I am, and ensure them that I'm safe, as well as allowing them to speak to my friend's parents beforehand.

They are duty bound to report you missing even though they know where you are if you don't return.

f0stercarer · 18/06/2023 22:34

The foster carers will have a delegated authority form which lists what they are allowed to authorise and what the legal parent has to authorise. Remember the legal parent is the Local Authority, not the foster carers Thus the foster carers might not have the authority to approve such a break in which case liaison has to take place with the Local Authority social worker to gain approval. If approval is not granted and the child leaves anyway then the foster carers have to report the child as missing, as is part of thir contractual agreement with the Local Authority. If the Foster carers do have the power to approve the trip then they will certainly be expected to carry out some sort of risk assessment which it sounds like would fail . It is 100% correct that they cannot stop you leaving the house but that does not mean that it would not signal the end of the placement so weigh things up carefully.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/06/2023 10:08

If you are as mature as you claim to be. I hope you will carefully consider what other knowledgeable posters have said on here.

Taz2037 · 29/07/2023 01:31

This is false at the age of 16 you can legally move out without carer, parents or guardian permission if you are in a safe environment the police 9 times out of 10 will not take you especially as its a 4 hour journey... If you are wanting to stay with your foster parent till 18 tho which I would highly recommend doing it's probably best to keep your head down and just do what they say as they can also ask you to leave their home but social services will haft to place you in another acomdation which may be a semi independent home which is very rarely regulated by ofsted and you will not get anywhere near enough support, money, a nice environment etc hoe this helps

Toddlerteaplease · 30/07/2023 07:54

Did you go OP?

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