Very slow eater, any ideas?

[lilibet]

My 5 yr old is getting slower and slower at eating his meals, he has at least two visits to the toilet, because he is 'desperate' even tho' he has been before he sits down. Tonights efforts took over an hour for a small pice of lamb, some new potatoes, peas and corn. Of course after a while it's cold and he doesn't want to eat it, then he's full, when all he has had is a small portion of his tea. I don't want to do the ' we will sit here till you eat it' or bribe him if i can help it. Any suggestions?

[robinw]

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[PamT]

The experts recommend that you give children a limited time to eat their meal - say 20 minutes, and if they haven't done then you just take the plate away without making a fuss but don't offer anything else. I've got to say that my youngest 2 aren't particularly good and we always have the toilet trips and delaying tactics when DS2 doesn't really like the meal.

[Azzie]

I think I must be a hard mother, because if this was my ds (who is nearly 5) I would do what PamT says that the experts recommend. My ds is now old enough to remember next time that he got hungry because he didn't eat his tea, so I think he'd learn pretty quick.

Just a thought, though - is this attention-seeking behaviour? Is he doing this because it gets your attention (however negatively)? I just ask because I wonder if he's just a slow eater, or if there's some other factor involved.

Out of interest, all the fastest eaters I know come from large families or went to boarding school - it's amazing the effect that knowing someone else will grab your dinner if you don't get a move on has!

[21stcenturygirl]

I am so glad I am not alone in my frustrations!! My DD (nearly 5)will not eat her food hot, it has to be stone cold, and she takes well over 1 hour to eat. We have delaying tactics such as "my belly hurts", as well.

Robinw, you might be right with the tomato sauce thing, as she does tend to eat quicker when I give it to her. Also, when we have friends round, we try the "who's gonna be the winner" game (finish their meal first) and this seems to work. I might try this with her toddler sister who stuffs everything in her mouth in five minutes flat!

[Snugs]

I have recently cured this problem with my (very soon to be 5yrs) ds - using the good old sticker chart.

We found that by setting specific (but very easily attainable) tasks for every day, he has something to aim at - and if he achieves them all in 1 day he gets a bonus sticker. We use simple things like eating all his dinner; brushing his teeth; being nice to baby brother all day; putting all his toys away at bedtime (all without having to be told to do). Each sticker is worth 1 pence, but he has to reach at least 50 before he can 'cash in'.

[21stcenturygirl]

Snugs - Thanks for your suggestion, what a brilliant idea! Did you set a time limit with eating dinner or did ds just eat it all up quickly with a sticker as an incentive? If so, how long does he take now?

[Loobie]

try using an egg timer with a spefified time limit and let them watch as their time runs out, we do this with ds who is 6 and also a very slow eater but htis is due to other problems,the timer works well as they can see when time is running out.

[Snugs]

21stcenturygirl : The rule for getting his 'dinner' sticker is simply to eat it all without having to be nagged at - which means he has the time that his baby brother is in his highchair eating his meal - it averages out at about 10 minutes. If he takes any longer, not only does he not get the sticker, but db is out of highchair and in range to steal food from his plate - incentive enough I've found

[threeangels]

I agree with PamT, I would let him have 20 min to eat then if he doesnt eat all I would take the plate away. I think 5 yrs is old enough to understand when its meal time its time to eat. If he was a small toddler I could understand more since we all know a toddler cant sit long or concentrate on one thing too long. I been there with my two oldest now 9 and 12. I dont recommend this to people but as to how bad it got with my dd at the same age I resorted to feeding her in between her feeding herself. This sounds weird but she was barely eating anything on a daily basis and all I wanted to do was get any food in her. Now she eats a pretty good amount. I only did that for a couple months.
Also you can do an award system like Snugs said, call it "THE CLEAN PLATE AWARD" Ive done this.. Maybe give out a small peice of candy if he cleans his plate entirely or just a small type of snack. I know its like bribery but if it will help get food in him if you feel hes not getting enough then I would do it. Good Luck.

[21stcenturygirl]

Thanks for all your suggestions!

Loobie: I think a timer is a definite investment - she is so slow in everything she does (even misses nursery because she is dithering around!). Her teachers reckon she is so laid back she's horizontal. Don't know where she gets it from!

Snuggs: I'd love to think that she doesn't want me to nag her but unfortuntely she just has a smart-answer (oh I could add this to the star chart!). However, a definite motivation is the youngest dd2 not climbing up to get her food. She hates this so much. Star-chart and climbing dd2 here we come!!

Threeangels: She does love me to feed her. You could have hit the nail of the head. Maybe she is such a slow eater because she wants me to feed her.

[Snugs]

My ds is a master at the smart answers - but 2 or 3 days of missing stickers and he soon learnt it wasn't worth answering back. Now, if he lapses it tends to be only for a single day.

He also persists in occasionally wanting to be fed. I had put this down to 'relapsing' slightly when the new baby came along but since ds2 is now over a yr old, I think we should be over that stage. I now only give in when he appears exceptionally tired, but point out at the same time that he will need to go to bed straight afterwards if he is that tired. Amazing how quickly he picks his fork back up!

[21stcenturygirl]

Snugs, perhaps they should get together and compare notes. Or maybe not! My dh and I really find it hard not to laugh when she comes out with them (don't know where she gets them from, eg: "Yes M'lady"). We have to tell her off quickly and run out of the room laughing. (Oops I've just discovered a smiley face!!)

[TVWoman]

As a slow eater (I'm 30!) I find this hard to read. I can see it's an issue but surely timing them puts pressure on them and food should be a good thing. If they're hungry feed them, if not don't.

Surely that's a sensible option?