Do you cook several different meals for one sitting to suit everyone?

[WhyNotSmile]

I grew up in a family where the dinner options were the good old "Take it or leave it". There were one or two things my sister or I couldn't stomach, and Mum wouldn't make those unless one of us wasn't there, but by and large we were expected to eat what was put in front of us, whether we particularly liked it or not. We didn't have to clear our plates, but nor were we allowed to turn our noses up at anything. We're both pretty good eaters now; neither of us is fussy and we will both give most foods a try.

I remember being surprised to hear from friends that their mums would cook two or three different meals each evening so that everyone could have something they liked. Sometimes these would be totally different meals - lasagne for one, say, and pie with chips for someone else etc. Most of these people seemed to be really picky eaters even as adults.

Is this something that people do? Do you com a different meal for each person? Does it lead to picky eaters? Or is it that a child is picky and it's less hassle to cook different meals? Or is it just a coincidence that the people I've known who had this are picky eaters?

I don't think I would ever bother cooking separate food for different people (except in the case of allergies/vegetarian etc). I would expect DS to eat what was put down, more or less. Am I being harsh?

[KiteKit]

I do quite a bit of the time. Dd is very fussy and would not eat as varied a diet as myself and dh so at least a couple of times a week I cook stuff she will eat such as roast chicken, bolognaise, curry, pasta etc and we all eat it the first night, i keep enough for a second dinner (or in the case of bolognaise etc I bag it up in individual portions and freeze for dd) that way dh and I eat something else that we enjoy the second night but all I have to do it cook some rice / pasta for dd and she has a proper dinner too.

I never mind doing that for her as I like to know that she has a proper dinner as she is very skinny and has always always been hard to feed.

Through sheer perservence we now have her at a stage where we have about 10 or 12 family meals which I suppose I am happy with. If I could change one thing about her I would wish for a child that ate without fuss and enjoyed food - but can't have everything and she is great in so many other ways!

[Spatial]

Not as a matter of course. Sometimes I will adapt things, eg put chorizo in for DS but leave it out for DD, add some chilli after DDs helping is put out etc.

On a leftovers day, they often eat different things, primarily as there is often only one helping of each thing left.

Very occasionally DH and I will have something special like seafood, which DS is allergic to, or something we know they wouldn't like, but that's fairly rare.

[ElizaPickford]

WhyNotSmile I tend to veer between being totally "you get what you're given" and being a bit less rigid depending on how much time and energy I've got to put into meal planning and cooking. My two are incredibly fussy but not with the same things, just to make it even more complicated. During the week the kids generally eat earlier than we do, due to the times everyone gets in, so they will often get something different to whatever we have later (which will tend to be more spicy quite often.)

If I make a big one pot, stew, curry or anything with lots of different ingredients mixed up and serve up the same thing for all of us, generally there is a lot of whinging and moaning, they can take up to an hour to poke it about and I get incredibly pissed off with their utter lack of manners and sick and tired of putting food in the bin. I'm being a bit more lenient at the moment as DS1 has been ill recently and is painfully thin, so it always makes me anxious saying "take it or leave it" as he will happily leave it for days.

It does make things a bit more complicated when I'm also trying to fatten them up while trying to slim myself down. It's frustrating as I find I spend my life thinking about what to cook and how to get the right nutrients into everyone with the minimum of food and time wastage, and it takes the joy out of something that I used to really love to do.

[Scotchmincepie]

when she moved out.

[Scotchmincepie]

With my sister she had an incredibly fussy eldest - very restricted diet. And because she didn't want to cook two different meals they all gradually went down the really restricted diet route.

It was only when he moved out that i think they really realised how limited what they were all eating had become - they cook amazing meals now - really, really lovely and healthy and different. And when eldest comes to visit - she has beige food from the freezer...

[confusedandemployed]

My mum was take it or leave it, and so am I. Or rather I will be - DD isn't quite 2 and eats at 5pm, far too early for us. For her, I still regularly batch cook curries, casseroles, cottage / fish pie etc and just pull something out of the freezer for her. But, whatever DP and I have, we tend to make a bit too much and she then has it the following day. She eats absolutely everything so it's really easy for us.

[Silverjohnleggedit]

I was brought up with take it or leave it - I left it, I wasn't bothered....my mother's meat and two veg was my idea of hell food. I saw eating dinner as torture, I was extremely skinny and I suspect malnourished.
I am no longer a fussy eater but I still find my mother's cooking to be incredibly dull, so I usually cook when we visit, suits us all.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Do you think it makes a difference in terms of fussiness, though?

Well no - that's putting the cart before the horse. I cook separately because my DS is very fussy - he's always been this way (although BLW hadn't been invented so I guess I started with purees and stuff which strictly speaking means I started cooking separate food).

I've now got it to an acceptable level after years of hard work, so that there are enough foods the whole family can now eat on the nights we eat together, but if we ate together 7 nights a week then yes, I would find that very tricky and end up cooking separate food.

[Silverjohnleggedit]

I attempt to get everyone eating the same thing but I get frustrated that my meal planning is restricted by the dc's fussiness. I cook 1-3 new dishes a week because I get bored eating the same food, on nights where I'm trying new recipes, I usually have a back up for dd, sometimes it's needed. She's getting better at trying new flavours and textures but for me not to provide her with an alternative wouldn't be fair. No alternative is offered on a night where I'm cooking a family favourite.

[Clueing4looks]

I do. DS has tactile defensiveness, there are only around 10-15 things he can tolerate so he has separate. DD eats everything except lamb and beef, so I generally cook the same for us 2. Doesn't really bother me as I'd rather eat something we enjoy rather than waste something we don't.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Not. A. Chance.

Similar upbringing to you. That said we don't eat with the children Mon-Fri as they are too small so they miss out on the more exciting chilli laden option. Family meals are fairly traditional or pasta based.

[Canyouforgiveher]

I used to do this (and was amazed I did as I grew up in a one dinner house and can eat everything). Until my eldest was about 10, I would basically cook chicken/pasta/veg for them and something more interesting for dh and me (like curry/casserole/roast dinner etc.

Two things changed my mind. 1. A friend came to stay and said to me "but why would you give yourself that extra work?" and I thought - why indeed. And 2. my eldest went off on a school trip for 3 days to farm school. When he came back I asked him what he ate and he told me a pork stew thing with pasta and when I expressed surprise because he would never eat a stew for me he said "but there was nothing else and I was really hungry"

I changed that day. Now we eat the same things. My dd1 doesn't like meat, especially red meat, so I try to accomodate that (with lots of veg), I don't insist on anything being eaten and will try to make things everyone likes but other that you get what you get and you don't get upset. there is always fruit, salad and bread to eat.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

No, but would tweak if need be.

[BMO]

No chance, cooking one meal is bad enough! Though I don't make anything the DC hate. DS2 won't eat rice so he can have a piece of bread if we have a rice meal though.

[WhyNotSmile]

Interesting! ElizaPickford, can I ask why you do separate meals if you say it does your nut in?

I still don't really get the separate meals thing... ok, variations on a theme, like a less spicy version or two types of pie or whatever, but I guess I just expect that as long as I don't make anything that anyone really hates, they should give it a go.

Do you think it makes a difference in terms of fussiness, though?

[applecatchers36]

Definitely not only exception is baby as she is being weaned

[chocomochi]

No. It's take it or leave it here and no alternatives. Have found DDs tend to eat more than half of what they "don't like" more often than not.

[RitaOrange]

nope

[Milkwagon]

Take it or leave it. This was how I was brought up. Unless there's leftovers in the fridge that need using up etc. Exception occasionally to lunchtimes only if it's a case of making sarnies, then we'll have different fillings.

[Manic3mum]

No, I'm afraid I do go for the 'eat what you are given' approach - and I do attempt to get my children to eat things they might not like - to broaden their thoughts on food they do and don't like. But I'm not all mean - I ask them to try a few mouthfuls to make sure they give it their best go, then if they don't like it still, then fair enough. But theres no more food on offer if they don't eat what I have cooked.

[Mehitabel6]

Absolutely not! I don't run a restaurant. I do the work providing it and they get a choice- take it or leave it.

[Kundry]

No way. Only me and DH but he gets precisely zero input in what I choose to cook.

He initially claimed not to like olives, cheese, apricots and pineapple. I've gradually tried out the lot and the only one I wouldn't serve now is pineapple which he really hates - the others were leftovers from childhood which his adult tastebuds are fine with

He likes slightly different things to me, I make sure I do stuff he likes but the abiding rule is cook decides Never had different meals to my parents when I was a child so wouldn't occur to me to do them.

DM would just say we had to put up with something we didn't like as somebody else did like it. There were a very small number of items that didn't get made as somebody had exercised an absolute veto eg I hated soup as much as my DH hates pineapple but that was the one item I was allowed.

[sticklebrickstickle]

DP, DD and I tend to eat the same but sometimes with small variations when that's easy to do. I'm vegetarian but DP isn't so if I'm cooking something like veggie sausages, bean burger etc I sometimes cook him meat instead of the veggie element as it's easy enough to just stick something different in the oven. When DP cooks something like a curry or pasta sauce he will often make the base sauce and then separate it into two pans and add meat to one, extra veg to the other. If I'm making something spicy I will sometimes do a less spicy version for DD in another pan or dish hers up before adding more spice.

But I would never do completely different meals. That just seems way too much effort.

[Mixtape]

No, we all eat the same, but then I don't make things that the DC's don't like. They are 8 and 5, they do like spicy foods so we can all have curry, but I don't make it super hot. Same with chili. Sometimes there are elements of a meal one of them doesn't like but they can just pick it out or leave it.

[clareyfarey]

nope! I do the veg that people like, so one has carrots, one has peas for example.....but that's the extent of it.

work full time, 2 DSS AND 1DD plus animals means you get what you're given :)