Developing a fear of men

[androphobic]

I feel like I'm developing a fear of men.

I've always been more comfortable around women, only ever had a few male friends. I know there are good men out there. My Dad was a good one, intelligent, respectful to women, he taught me my first ever come back to a sexist remark. I'm married, DH is not perfect but he has really opened his mind up to feminist issues, supports me in gender critical views, etc.

I just feel like I keep seeing more and more things against men that I can't un-see. The Sarah Everard case, I always thought the police were the "good guys" but then I've since learnt that they have the most amount of domestic abuse etc. The porn industry, which is driven in a large part by men and all the awfulness it fuels. 97% of women have been sexually harassed, NAMALT but it's almost all women so it must be a massive percentage of men? Which are they? It stands to reason of the men I've known over my life some of them must be it and I don't know who. The awful posts you get on here by women in abusive relationships. Etc etc.

I've been sexually assaulted in the past, although mine were very, very mild compared to what so many women go through so I don't know why my fear is so bad. One assault happened in a unisex bathroom in a backpacker hostel, and I'm honestly terrified at the idea of all public toilet facilities being unisex, or men taking advantage of self ID to access women's facilities, etc. I was offered a new job recently which would be amazing for me, but my new boss has her pronouns in her email signature and it made me feel sick at the thought that if they've adopted that practice, they might not have single sex toilets and what would I do?

I don't know what to do to manage it and it's getting worse. I step away from social media sometimes, which is where I see most of the things that scare me, but then I also feel guilty then because I can't un-know all this, and I think if I'm not actively doing anything I'm part of the problem.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you manage your life with men in and at the same knowing the terrible things they sometimes do and we have no idea who?

[KayKayWat]

Agreed.

[brokenbiscuitsx]

@Wanderingstars4238

Most men won't assault you and would return someone's wallet. I'm not afraid of men in general, but I am angry at men in general because they constantly downplay and deny the mistreatment of women by men, which helps keep it continue.

This

[IWillFindYou]

Going againts the grain here, but honestly?
It’s just common sense.
Most men aren’t good people.

[Glitterybug]

men taking advantage of self ID to access women's facilities

Step away from Mumsnet. Reading the sex and gender board will make you think this kind of thing is happening everywhere. It's not. It's a frothy echo chamber in there.

[Wanderingstars4238]

*keeps it continuing.

[Wanderingstars4238]

Most men won't assault you and would return someone's wallet. I'm not afraid of men in general, but I am angry at men in general because they constantly downplay and deny the mistreatment of women by men, which helps keep it continue.

[NiceGerbil]

Not sure I agree but this is about OP so let's not go there!

OP.. how are you getting on?

Rereading your OP,

Eg porn. Yes the vast majority under s certain age have seen it. Despite the type of 'facts' pushed on here by those who really do paint all men as exactly the same...

Yes it's everywhere. No not all watch it. Yes some find it grim. The ones who chide about 'kink shaming', don't seem to understand the basic point that not all men are excited by the standard stuff showing essentially male sexual domination of women. And the ones who have seen it, watch it sometimes. Doesn't automatically mean they will have that attitude embedded in their psyche.

Yes the vast majority of men have a few iffy attitudes, so do plenty of women, and across society.

And yes most of them at some point will have laughed at a really horrible joke, said something grim, seen a drunken mate doing something out of order and just watched etc.

But again. Plenty of women when they see/ hear stuff like that are all haha etc.

When it comes to up a notch. The flashers, stalkers, the rapists and murderers. The men who have a thought out way to do the thing like that policeman did. The vast majority of men don't do that. Wouldn't.

Yes there's loads of stuff to be sorted. I won't Go into that due to nature of thread!

But the vast majority of men and boys just don't do that, the up a notch stuff.

You say you've never had many male friends. I've always had lots (and women as well!). And IME. Really most are fine.

The news is depressing. Full stop.

My interest in women's rights means I read about.. awful stuff all over the world which is just constantly going on and grim.

Have a break do nice things in RL. Look after yourself :)

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

I agree. Sometimes an echo chamber can be damaging.

97% of women have been sexually harassed, NAMALT but it's almost all women so it must be a massive percentage of men?

Not necessarily (but there's no way of knowing which men).
An anecdote: a friend of mine is a policeman in a small town. He told me that most of the crime is commited by one family of brothers. When they are in jail, his job is quiet. When they are out, there are a lot of burglaries and break ins until they are put away again.
There are too many men sexually harassing women, but that doesn't mean it's most of them.

[KayKayWat]

Agree with Gerbil. Get off the internet and start basing your perceptions on reality.

[NiceGerbil]

Yes step away for a bit.

Get out into real life.

Most men are fine. I mean yes some dodgy views etc. But most care about women in their lives and don't attack assault etc them.