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Feminism: chat

All my team's senior managers are men and I've been too I'm too demanding

7 replies

ParkingFeud · 30/09/2021 20:19

I'm not even sure what I want to get out of this post apart from a rant. I work in a team of about 18. The 5 most senior members are men (in general really good managers and a great team!). 44% of team are women. I've recently had a number of requests for information ignored multiple times which has left me unable to give answers to my under pressure stakeholders. Had asked manager for support in balancing these needs and said I was struggling to access (admittedly limited) resource. Conversation was apparently one for a 'later date.' Got put under so much pressure by stakeholders that I asked for the information in a team group chat to try and get an answer and the shit hit the fan. Even dressed my request up with praise for changes so far, made sure to blame the system for my messages not being seen (instead of being ignored), said I was happy to find an interim make do solution for accessing resource etc. But apparently I'm being stressy and too demanding on the team's time. This is info that I could have access to and get in seconds if they would relinquish control. Just utterly peeved off that I've ended up being the one in the wrong. I really don't think one of the men asking for that information would have been treated the same way. They seem to get away with being much more abrupt and demanding. Grr.

OP posts:

ParkingFeud · 30/09/2021 20:20

Oops...told I'm too demanding.

OP posts:

Readyforthegoodlife · 30/09/2021 20:36

I have a similar problem at work but from the opposite direction. I am a female manager and sometimes make reasonable requests of my mostly female team which can occasionally be met with a ‘you’re so demanding’ attitude. There is another manager at the same level as me whose role sometimes entails making very similar requests of my team. The attitude is almost always ‘yes sir, of course sir, straight away sir’
It really hacks me off.


ParkingFeud · 30/09/2021 21:07

It's so frustrating. It makes me want to be really conscious of any bias I might have myself. And I really wish there was more gender bias training at work.

OP posts:

ItsRainingProstateOwners · 30/09/2021 23:52

That’s so frustrating. I have been told I am too blunt in emails - I always write full sentences whereas my male counterpart often literally writes one word replies and has had no complaints Hmm


ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 01/10/2021 13:09

That's happened to me too, *It's Raining.

OP, I was a team leader. I was trying to be fair to all team members (4 women, 1 man) . They thought I was mean. Big boss said the team needed firmer leadership (!). After a reshuffle, they put the man in charge. He's a wimp, the women have him round their little finger, but they love him and the big boss is happy Hmm. Baffling.


CBUK2K2 · 02/10/2021 03:18

Have you got any evidence to back up that men asking for the same would be treated differently?

Everyone is busy these days, put your request in an email, save a copy and your arse is covered.


Abitofalark · 02/10/2021 20:09

I can understand your sense of frustration at being accused of being demanding at the same time as you have been tiptoeing around and being anything but. It's infuriating. What is it exactly - who is not providing the information you want or not relinquishing control: is it the senior managers or is it staff at a lower level and if so are you their manager and how many of them are there and what is the dynamic, the working practice etc?

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