Low pass grade 1 piano-daft mother needs help getting a grip and helping dc!

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Dd, year 4, has just done piano grade 1. She's had funny moments preparing and at times declared she wasn't doing it, or piano, any more. She was playing beautifully just before the exam. She said she made mistakes and that, plus being nervous made me feel she'd possibly get a merit. But I was surprised that she got 105, and her teacher said she thought she'd do better too.
My head knows this matters not a jot, that any music exam is an achievement, and that even if turns she isn't an exams girl then all will be well.
A bit of me wishes she could have the extra cherry on the cake of getting a merit or distinction and also fears that a couple of her friends who did grade I last year might be a bit rubbish about it.
And a little bit of me just wishes she was super amazing musical. There-I'm a dreadful mother.
Anything you can share to help me say the right thing to dd and to feel encouraged that she might be okay at this music thing?

[Trufflethewuffle]

Based on the limited knowledge I have of my own children plus some of their friends, grade 1 results are not necessarily an indicator of future success. We have observed this particularly at piano.

For example, a friend's child got a really good distinction at grade 1 and her mum was over the moon as she was sure her child had found her "thing". The child just shrugged. A year later the grade 2 result was a scraped pass. Grade 3 was put back a couple of terms.....then never taken and piano lessons have stopped. I believe that she did really well at grade 1 as she was very accurate and well drilled and on the day managed to sparkle too. But usually the sparkle wasn't there and she lost interest.

I also know others, including my own children, who have been more wobbly at grade 1 but have developed as they have progressed. One of my DSs got a middling pass at grade 1 and then a blinding distinction at grade 4. I know which way round I would rather see it.

Congratulations to your daughter. Grade 1 piano is not for beginners is what we say!

[Mistigri]

I think the whole process of preparing for and taking exams places inevitable pressure on the end result. Of course you are secretly disappointed as are 99% of other parents whose child "just" gets a pass.

What you have to focus on is that results in the early grades are pretty meaningless. So much depends on how the child responds to exam pressure, the vagaries of exam marking, and (to be blunt) the quality of the teaching, especially if the parent isn't musical and can't help much at home. As a child I went from passes at grades 3 and 4 to a very high distinction at grade 5 after a change of teacher. (I still didn't have much in the way of musical talent lol - compared with my actually musical daughter, it's clear that I was just technically competent).

Your daughter is still little - you literally have NO idea what her "big thing" will be when she's older. When my daughter was 9 I would have laughed bitterly if anyone suggested she had a musical talent. She'd been playing an instrument four years at that point with no sign of any gift. Like I said above, it was only much later that she discovered (via another instrument) a genuine talent for composing and improvisation - she'll never be a virtuoso player but as her guitar teacher says, she is already a real musician.

[Floppityflop]

Yes, you can be an amazing pianist and rubbish at exams. My DF sounds like Vladimir Ashkenazy but he kept failing his grade 8!

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Ah, thanks all. There are some real gems here that I will remember and some to share with dd. I feel okay now-surprisingly dh is a bit funny about it. His is certainly not a personal thing but I think he might be wondering what the exam process has given dd. Hey ho. Do you all think it would be disastrous to let ds know she's passed but not tell her the mark? I don't anything to mask my genuine feelings that she's done ever so well, particularly as she has always found getting down to things and concentrating tricky and was also very nervous about the exam. If it doesn't feel too much like hiding things a pass might be all she needs to know. 105 is two more than I managed in grade 8-I think that examiner was desperately trying to help me to pass! And she is so much more musical and confident to play in front of others than I ever was.
Thank goodness we changed teachers-I know her current teacher will work hard to maintain her confidence and pleasure in playing.

[Ferguson]

She put in the work and 'endured' the exam process, so personally I think she is entitled to know the mark and see the comments sheet when you receive it; it will help her in knowing what to do next, and help better prepare for future exams. (It's not necessary to sit every Grade; our DS skipped a few on his way to G8 on saxophone.)

It's also good that she does clarinet, and is in various ensembles, as that is useful for social reasons, as well as broadening musical experience. I played drums for forty years, in every kind of setting there is pretty much; I never got to be as good as I had hoped, but I did provide adequate, sympathetic backing for stage shows, bands, and solo performers, and as a TA coached primary children to accompany the Christmas production for ten years.

(Sometime, I'll PM you.)

[1805]

Hi OP. I understand where you're coming from I think.
Don't worry about the low mark. Had dd done the prep test? If not, then an exam situation can be very daunting for some children.
Overall, she passed, which is good. Well done to her. Now look at the mark sheet and find where the marks were down, talk it through with dd, praising where necessary of course, spotting where to do better next time (if she wants to).
Then move on.
I think grade 1 piano is harder than grade 1 on other instruments, so she really has done well. Grade 1 - 105 is worth celebrating.
She may still turn out musical, who knows? If she enjoys her music, she will get good at it. Has she tried working out some pop song tunes on the piano and singing along with herself? Making up (random) tunes on the piano? Singing is a key part in being musical I think.
Good luck, and enjoy!

[Singsongsung]

As a piano teacher I say relax and don't worry. A pass is a pass. I have three grade 8s and a music degree and have absolutely no idea what mark I got in any of my grade 1s!
It is no measure of what will happen next at all. Exam pressure is a big thing and chances are she'll plod on to the next grade and pass that one too- maybe with a distinction.
I agree with those who have said check the mark sheet and ask the teacher how much time was spent on things like the aural tests and sight reading. Some teachers skimp on those and actually the marks make a big difference.
For your daughters sake, big up the fabulousness of a pass at grade one. Buy her a well done gift and give only praise. She worked hard and she passed!!

[BigBirthdayGloom]

She spends loads of time picking out tunes on the piano and doing variations on pieces she is playing, messing around with minor/major and changing rhythms. And little compositions too. Not sure how much this is worth, but she sings in the school choir and was asked by her teacher to go back in when she gave up. I was pleased so told the teacher and he said it was genuinely because she was a good singer. I'm pretty sure she's more musical than I was or am and certainly keener to perform. It's very unfair that she worked much harder than I did and didn't get a better mark-guess that might be why I was surprised.
It's definitely a wholehearted well done and reiterating what I said after the exam that the real achievement is the work and the pleasure of getting through the tricky bits of prices, not the mark, even though the mark is great and a pass.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

And I'm able to say all that because you've all been sensible and positive-thank you

[NameChange30]

"She spends loads of time picking out tunes on the piano and doing variations on pieces she is playing, messing around with minor/major and changing rhythms. And little compositions too."

Awesome. That's the kind of musical talent that can't be measured with grade exams.
Have you considered steering her towards jazz? It sounds as if she could really excel at jazz, given that she's already experimenting with scales and rhythm. Jazz is also great fun as a pianist because most ensembles need one.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

Might be her thing, although it is all at a fairly simple level and I wouldn't want to read too much into it. I do admire her persistence when trying to get a tune-they've been doing the ten pieces at school and she was trying to get in the hall of the mountain king and wasn't happy with nearly. Anyway-I think she enjoys her music far more than I ever did.

[NameChange30]

Yeah it's probably too early to tell but I do think you should give her chance to explore that creativity. I was classically trained and started jazz very late, by which point it felt very scary and unnatural to improvise. If she is taught / nurtured / encourage she could do very very well. I knew some amazing musicians who played jazz from a young age and are very successful now.

[JulieMichelleRobinson]

Do it! I could confidently teach jazz fiddle but on piano I find it out of my comfort zone.

[WhistlingPot]

"Messing about" as you put it is fabulous, and really don't worry about grade 1, she's just getting used to things. If she is as keen as that to mess about and try new things now, she'll probably have a good spurt at some point.

I've played since age 3 and got to grade 5 at about 14/15 then gave up exams, whch I regret, but that said, having what little ability I do have still means a huge amount to me. I played at concerts and in front of family etc but still don't like playing in front of anyone now all that much. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing (so would poss disagree with AnotherEmma there) as I cherish any chance I get to play, and my piano.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

How on earth do I get her into jazz? I am totally in knowledgeable about it, having been very "straight" with my playing (jazz French horn bit a particularly well known thing!) and so grades and orchestras is what I know. She's playing clarinet at the moment but considering switching to bassoon - not a hugely typical jazz instrument! I definitely think being creative with music is a way to go, be it jazz or any way to get her I to composing (sounds grand but I guess that's what some of her messing about is. She's like that with other stuff too-not madly keen on the learning the "right" way but coming up with gorgeous, creative things. Ah, listen to me-I am starting to be a proper parent who thinks their child is the bees knees rather than a bit sad because she didn't get a distinction like her classmate!

[WhistlingPot]

Aw, she sounds sweet! Maybe it's like reading - just have to nuture a love of it and she'll take off when she's ready.

[Mistigri]

I don't think you necessarily need to "get her into jazz" bigbirthday, it's more a question of avoiding focusing exclusively on exams and the classical syllabus, and above all - keeping the pleasure in music.

I learnt to play the piano quite competently but to my lasting regret was never given the opportunity to really experiment outside the classical syllabus. I dropped out of lessons at 15/16 and never learnt to improvise or arrange or play by ear. My daughter's musical experience has been quite different - she dropped out of learning a "classical" instrument at about 10 but then took up several instruments later (all of them except sax initially self-taught) and she does a lot of composition and arrangement. For example after 6 months of piano lessons she's capable of listening to the piano accompaniment for a pop song and replicating it by ear rather faithfully (she works from chords, she is primarily a guitarist so this comes naturally).

I'm not attempting to hold my daughter up as a model of "how to learn music" - this approach has its drawbacks, like being able to play grade 6/7 piano pieces beautifully from memory but having the sight reading skills of a grade 2 student. Technically she is way behind a good classical student of her age (she's 13) on all her instruments except possibly guitar, but since she is never going to play orchestral music at a high level this isn't really an issue. Might be a problem if she wants to study music at uni of course as she will be competing with much more skilled students. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

It all depends what you and your daughter want to get out of music really :) but don't fall into the trap of thinking that exams are the be all and end all.

[Mistigri]

PS my daughter sounds a bit like yours - she is a creative, free spirit type :)

[Singsongsung]

Pamela Wedgewood does some books called 'Jazzin About' that have jazzy styled pieces which she might like. I often use 'Making The Grade' books in between exams that are full of well known tunes (lots of styles) that she might like. I do teach improvising from the very beginning with all pupils so you may find she's doing that anyway.

[RaspberryLemonPavlova]

Exams can include jazz too. DS2 is playing a lovely jazz arrangement of 'Over the Rainbow' for Grade 6, which according to his book has been specially arranged for ABRSM.

[Singsongsung]

C list ABRSM pieces are usually more modern. There is an ABRSM jazz syllabus too.

[chocoluvva]

Grade 1 in y4 is pretty good - she's still quite little.

She will get better at performing (including for examiners) with experience.

The piano exams are harder than many of the other instruments.

Let her play things she can manage fairly easily as well as more difficult pieces, for her enjoyment and confidence. Encourage improvising - eg play C-E-F-G with her left hand and pretty much anything she likes with her RH.

If her school or other local group has a choir that she would enjoy that would be a good thing to do.

[BigBirthdayGloom]

So, I finally shared the news with dd that she'd passed and how very proud we are of all the hard work she's put in and that she passed. She did say "not a merit or distinction?" But not in a very bothered kind of way. This is a very selfish thing to say, and I am aware of this, but her friend who has the same teacher and did the exam on the same day also passed and had told dd. That, I'm sure, made her philosophical, or maybe even my words while she was preparing, just before and just after that she should be really proud of herself for practising and persevering and whatever will happen/happened in the exam is very much less important. Thanks for seeing me through the angst. I'm absolutely sure I'd have done less well without the sendible words of truth. Piano lesson today so hopefully dd's teacher will have the mark sheet and go through it. She is lovely so I have no doubt she'll do a good job of accentuating the positive and bringing out learning points too.

[NameChange30]

Glad to hear it was a good outcome, well done OP.

[Worriedandlost]

I did not read all the comments yet, but my input will be
-you don't sound pushy to me at all, but very considerate
-well done to your dd!
-I agree that exam mark is not 100% accurate indication of musical ability
-there is always a human factor-an examiner!
-piano is quite hard instrument in my opinion
-I firmly believe that some instruments suit better to some people, may be piano is just not a perfect match in your dd instance
-she should definitely carry on if she enjoys her lessons
-if you want to help her in any way, perhaps you should help her with her practice? Nothing wrong with it though some people would call it a pushy mum :) My dd is playing two instruments but if I leave her to her own devices she may do some silly mistakes and will adopt the wrong way of playing. Therefore I try to supervise her practicing. Still too little to practice on her own without any control.