How to maintain personal boundaries in social situations

[sheenaisapunkrocker]

Hello, I'm hoping for some advice. I'm not sure if I'm in the right topic so apologies if this would be better elsewhere.

I'm in a large group of people (predominantly women) who meet ad hoc for a hobby. Yesterday I met around 8 or 10 of the group, 4 or 5 of whom I hadn't seen for weeks, but whom I have a friendship with. We (the 5 or so friends) exchanged greetings, hugs and news before setting off for our activity. Another member of the group, a man, whom I see reasonably regularly at the meets hung on the periphery for a few minutes and then approached me with arms outstretched, saying "where's my hug, you've hugged everyone else" (I hadn't, I'd hugged my friends in the group, but there were also acquaintances that I didn't hug). I didn't want to hug him, I don't know him well, don't count him as a friend and have not made any indication that I'm seeking a friendship with him. I reluctantly and half- heartedly hugged him, because he put me in a position where declining would have required me to reject him in public. I was unprepared, and now feel annoyed at myself.

What I'd like to know is, what's the best way to deal with awkward situations like this? I wanted to have a personal boundary, but couldn't get over the social awkwardness of "making a scene". What words could I have used and what self talk do I need to employ to avoid future situations? TIA

[SquishyBeanBag]

Oh that sounds tricky.

Reply in a very light hearted but confident way something like "don't be silly you're being greedy!" Or
"You're a bit forward aren't you! They are my friends I've barely met you!"
And then quickly move on.

Or if you're feeling upto it you could tease him and say
"Hug you? I don't even like you! Come on let's get started with our activity"

If you say it with confidence and a bit jokey you can get away with saying lots of things.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I agree that joking (but actually serious) is an easy way. "I have five hits a day and I've used them", "I don't hug strange men", "who are you again?". All said with a laugh. NO ONE has the right to physical contact. Once you've decided that's the case, he's rude, not you.

[Redhothoochycoocher]

I think it's fine to say - I'm not a big hugger while holding your arms out to block a hug.

I find it helpful to think of advocating for my young children. If a grandparent is trying to hug them and then don't want to I'll always put a physical barrier between them- my body or my arm or something - and say 'jane doesn't want to hug right now, do you Jane?' with a big smile. So you're essentially treating yourself like your own child if you see what I mean?

[Redhothoochycoocher]

Also worth remembering that man was relying on you not wanting to create a scene. He knew what he was doing. If he's a regular at this hobby I'd practise a 'no hugs for you' line to use next time.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@Redhothoochycoocher

Also worth remembering that man was relying on you not wanting to create a scene. He knew what he was doing. If he's a regular at this hobby I'd practise a 'no hugs for you' line to use next time.

This in SPADES.

[Whattodo2024]

I’d preempt it with handshakes for those I wasn't as close with

[sheenaisapunkrocker]

@Redhothoochycoocher

Also worth remembering that man was relying on you not wanting to create a scene. He knew what he was doing. If he's a regular at this hobby I'd practise a 'no hugs for you' line to use next time.

Yes, I had this vibe.
I know that no one has a right to expect physical contact, but I didnt manage it when it happened.

[Hatty65]

I'd have taken a step back and put my hand up (like a traffic policeman) whilst saying firmly, 'I have hugged my close friends only. Please put your arms down, I'm not going to hug you'.

I have no problem with being blunt over my personal boundaries.

[sheenaisapunkrocker]

God, I really need to channel @Hatty65
Bravo 👏

[Hatty65]

@sheenaisapunkrocker I'm old. 😁

I have got stroppier as I've got older. I don't feel any need to be nice to strange men any longer.

[Jandob]

Jokingly say I don't hug strange men, or say husband/ partner wouldn't like it? Forced you into it really. Or plainly say I'm not comfortable doing that.

[GrettaGreen]

"Hardly, hahaha, it took these ones a lifetime to earn them hahhaha" sideways pivot to block.