Reporting close relative to Children's Services

[NorthernDancer]

Keeping it very simple, has anyone done this and how did it play out?

I have had concerns about a close relative's DC for some time, which have escalated recently. If it were a neighbour for example, I would not hesitate, but there are high stakes here. I am one of only four people who actually sees this DC other than their DPs, so although I know what I should do, I fear that if I do, family relationships will blow apart and probably take my marriage with them.

Thanks

A Family member did this to me but it was malicious. Case was closed now no one in the family speaks to them. So just be sure on what you are reporting.

As above, we had a family member report us for a "safeguarding" concern which was absolute nonsense. Perhaps a difference in parenting (think along the lines of putting the children to bed at 8pm instead of 7pm...they saw that as a "safeguarding concern" rather than a difference in parenting). It was of course closed immediately after a social services visit.
The whole thing was very distressing, obviously, and could have been solved with a conversation rather than straight away reporting. We also have no relationship with that family member anymore.

Is it someone you could perhaps talk to? Are you sure it is neglect/abuse or is it more a difference in opinion?

If you think the children are in immediate danger, absolutely report. But I do think you should make sure that's the best decision.

Agree with PPs.

If it's a child who sees NOBODY except four adults and parents, ie no school or leaving house, and are at serious risk of harm, then you report.

If it's a difference in opinion, style, then that's very different

Thanks. I'm well aware of differences in parenting and quite understand that. I remember my DM's reaction to my BF on demand!

The concerns relate to health and development and a strong possibility that the DPs' relationship is abusive.

If it's a family member and you are concerned can't you have a word. If it was a stranger or someone you don't know that well then I wouldn't talk yo them about it, but a relative I would defibetly voice my concerns first before making a decision like this.

My family member also claimed to know best about health and development my child is severely autistic and she told social services she can’t speak and that she goes to bed late. Well she was non verbal and has SALT, also it’s common for autistic children to not sleep at the “acceptable” time hence medication like melatonin. She mentioned all this and various other irrelevant things to social services but left out the fact my child is autistic to try to make it look like it was neglect🤦‍♀️ thankfully ss saw straight through her allegations and the case was closed very quickly and nothing came of it. I often wonder why she did it and what she thought she would achieve without actually speaking to me first but all that happened is now the whole family want nothing to do with her and she has no relationship with my kids anymore and I haven’t spoken to her in 3 years.

The concerns relate to health and development and a strong possibility that the DPs' relationship is abusive

Do you believe the child is at risk of harm?
Does the child see any other professionals?
Do the adults in the relationship see other friends or professionals?
When you say there's a strong possibility that the relationship is abusive, what do you mean by that? What factual observations would you report?

I'm of the view that safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility, but understand that in this situation you might want to pause and reflect what you'd be reporting. Obviously you might not want to answer all those questions on a public forum but that's what I'd consider.

Thanks @LolaSmiles, that's helpful.

OK @LolaSmiles, we have just spent two days with this child and I can answer your questions as follows:

Yes, no, only nursery staff 1 day a week, no, I have seen the DF be openly verbally aggressive to other family members, including reducing my DH to tears. I have seen him shout at the DM and order her about as if he were giving commands to a dog.

We have just spent two days with the DC and we remain very concerned. The DPs have told us that they will not toilet train the DC, who is due to go to school in September, because that would be forcing their will on them. They say they will figure it out in their own in time and if they have not figured it out by September, they will simply defer the school place for another year.

Meanwhile, the DC continues to exhibit red flags for a paediatric assessment (speech delay, ? absence seizures, ? situational or selective mutism, poor gross motor skills, restricted growth, dark shadows under the eyes, special interests, poor sleep etc etc and the DPs are oblivious. Nursery have highlighted a failure to integrate with the other DC but no action has been taken.

I had to do this twice with the same family member. She guessed it was me but didn't say anything directly. It did make things awkward between us for a while but it had to be done. You should prioritise the children no matter how difficult it makes things.

Based on what you have said, I would also be considering reporting, but there is always more going on than we see so ?

Why don't you call someone like the NSPCC in the first instance? You can explain your concerns more fully and get a more informed response on whether the risk to the DC is significant/worth risking your marriage/family relationships.

Also, sadly, social services are stretched to the bone, and in some areas, this wouldn't be top if their priority list. You could consider reporting to the nursery, or their GP, if you can find out who they are? They may not be able to act straight away, but the more adults keeping an eye out, then other behaviours may get flagged too? So, the next time they see the GP, perhaps the GP asks a few more questions than they might otherwise, etc. Nursery might pay closer attention to development milestones. Failure to integrate on its own might not necessarily warrant action, but if other issues are identified then it might.

Good luck with this, as it's going to be a difficult path, hope that those who need help can get it soon (sounds like the DM may also need support).