Living in same street vs living 30mins away

[Sh1neAL1ght]

Would it make much difference if my parents (80 & 82) moved into the same street as me instead of living 30mins away?

They need increasingly more support and whilst they only live 30mins away this takes a chunk of my day. If they lived very close by I could pop in, they could pop in and DH and DS could also pop in.

Or is it neither here nor there?

[DumbledoresWand]

My mum lives next door but one to me. She's 88, and currently in good health. She pops in for a coffee, and I sometimes call in when I'm walking my dog.
We go out for lunch once a week, but shealso has other friends in the village.
2yrs ago she had to have a hysterectomy, and it was a godsend being so close.Also I think it gives her some reassurance that as I'm only 2 doors down it's no bother to nip in if she needs help with something - although if she was more of a 'needy' person, I could see it being problematic :)

[Sh1neAL1ght]

@DumbledoresWand
Thank you for answering. That sounds like a great arrangement. I think that knowing you're both close if needed probably takes the pressure off.
If I had your wand and could move my parents without any hassle they'd be up for it!

[Ilovemyshed]

I'd say 30 mins is too far as their needs increase. However same street is too close. You want them a few streets away ideally. Walkable but out of sight.

[SallyWD]

I suppose a lot depends on your relationship with them. I would absolutely love it if my parents lived in the same street. It would give me peace of mind.

[WitchesWithKnivesInTheirFeet]

MiL is 80 and on her own and she lives in a bungalow next door. It's perfect. When the bungalow came up for sale, I was the one to suggest it to her. She is fiercely independent, hates to ask for help, but being next door means it's very easy to pop round for a chat, and then we can help with anything she mentions while we are there. If we had to drive over there, she would never mention anything because she wouldn't want to put us out. So it works well for all of us.

[TruthorDie]

Depends on how they are with boundaries! Would they be popping round constantly?

[DumbledoresWand]

@Sh1neAL1ght .. I'm lucky that my mum is still very independent - although that might come back to bite me as time goes on. I'm an only child, and it does give me peace of mind knowing she's so close, but as a pp said, it would very much depend on you relationship with your parents. It was more luck than judgement that a bungalow 2 doors away came up for sale

[yikesanotherbooboo]

DM lives next door to DDsis , it works well . A lot falls on DSis and DBil but they can pop in rather than make a small chore last for 90 minutes. My Mil lived a few doors away from us and it was much better than when she lived hours away and , for us, much better than if she had had to move in with us as she became frail.

[shellyleppard]

Would your darling parents want to move closer??? Had this discussion with my elderly but fiercely independent dad, he reckons it will take him at least 18 months to pack up 😱😱

[EndlesslyDistracted]

Mine are half an hour away and in the opposite direction to where I work, so going straight from work takes an hour, then half an hour back again. It means that weekday visits aren't easy and only happen in emergencies and weekend visits take half a day as I tend to stay a while having made the effort. It would be much easier if they were in the same town but I'd rather they weren't in our street. I know lots of families whose elderly parents have moved to their town and it generally seems to have worked well. Mine don't want to move though and they are far better connected by public transport to eg hospitals where they are now plus their social life is there.

[Sh1neAL1ght]

@shellyleppard
This is it 😂- they don't want to move. They love their house and it would be too much of an upheaval but they also like to get out and see more of us. They have to drive to leave where they live and only my mum drives now. I've read other threads saying that it's unreasonable to expect elderly parents to move. I suppose I wanted see if I was wrong to think it would be easier if they were very close by.

@yikesanotherbooboo
@WitchesWithKnivesInTheirFeet
I'm really pleased that this arrangement works for you all. You don't know about elderly parents until you have elderly parents do you!

[shellyleppard]

I did discuss it with my dad but he won't move until its in a wooden box 🥺🥺 did offer to move closer to them but told not wanted so now long distance relationship 😔

[RandomUsernameHere]

My DParents are in the process of hopefully moving to the same town as me (not the same street though)! They're currently just over 30 minutes away, so similar situation. 30 minutes is too far away just to pop in for a quick chat and a cup of tea, or to quickly help them with something. It's more of a planned visit and for me not easy to do during the week. Then the weekends are quite often busy. I also feel that frequent shorter visits are more beneficial for them. So yes, I think it would make a big difference.

[Sh1neAL1ght]

@Ilovemyshed
@SallyWD
@TruthorDie
I think you're all right that it would depend on your relationship. It could become difficult if boundaries weren't clear.

[Sh1neAL1ght]

@shellyleppard - I suppose they must hate the idea of needing help. I'm sorry for you that you're trying but feeling rebuffed.

[Sh1neAL1ght]

@RandomUsernameHere
That sounds great and it's what I would imagine would make things easier if my parents were closer. I feel a bit silly thinking 30mins away is too far but is if you wanted to pop in in the morning and evening and still run your own life.

[Coldupnorth87]

My in-laws live around the corner. It's fine (in terms of boundaries) as they do not visit and barely let us visit them. They desperately need help but there's only so much you can do. Still better than if we had to travel, they are at the point where there may be a crisis, so this is better.

I'm also caring for a relative a fairly long way away, that's much harder.

[HuntingoftheSnark]

My mother is nearly 94 and lives a 10 minute walk away. She lives completely independently but has lovely neighbours who keep an eye on her. My mother's boundaries are so good that she never texts during my working day (I have told her she can!). I generally see her at weekends but have a retired sister a few miles away who does a lot with her. I'd love her to be next door, but her area wouldn't work for me (huge houses). Also I wouldn't live with her as we've discussed it and neither of us would want it.

[shearwater2]

As others have said it depends on boundaries. My inlaws live a 5 minute walk away but it doesn't mean we see one another all the time and check what the other is doing before going round.

[NewName24]

I think it would make a massive difference in terms of convenience, but that might not always be a 100% positive thing. It can turn into relying on you more than they would otherwise and becoming dependent on you.

In your case, it would also take them away from the network of friends and neighbours they have where they are.

You also have to look at comparing what is good and bad about both options, in terms of what they can access without you - be that Doctors, shops, lunch clubs, hobby clubs, Churches, libraries, warm welcome places etc. I think people should think long and hard about moving from their communities as they get older.

[Sh1neAL1ght]

@EndlesslyDistracted
It's hard isn't it.

[Sunnnybunny72]

SIL lives next door to PIL. She's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, as whilst PIL sit on pots of money and are well able to buy in help and leave their DD free, they refuse to spend a penny and have her at their beck and call.
She massively massively regrets it. God knows how bad it will become when one is left alone. So much they could relieve her of.
Totally unfair.