My grandmother has mild dementia (I'm using this to score her when I see her, currently she's at a 15: https://www.alz.org/careplanning/downloads/dsrs-scale.pdf ). Official diagnosis is Mixed Dementia of Vascular Dementia & Alzheimers.
Her support worker has told her that she must update her will and do a lasting power of attorney ASAP. I was there during this appointment (I normally live hundreds of miles away). After conversations with my grandmother it seems she wants my mother & I to be joint LPA.
I relayed this to my mother who said that she has already almost finished my grandmother's LPA with her as the sole LPA - she just needs witnesses. I am really, really concerned about this. My mother is a recovering addict and abused me as a child. She has made some ridiculous legal & financial decisions of her own and quite frankly, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I have told my grandmother this who is worried (and doesn't remember doing the LPA with my mum), and doesn't want this, but is scared to speak up to my mum who can really steamroll ahead and is pretty manipulative.
My gran has also voiced that she wants to move to my town and have me as her main support as she progresses. However she's thinking of staying put with no family support because she's worried she'll come between my mother & I if she decides to say she wants my support.
I literally don't know what to do?? My mum asked my gran for money to buy a house after she sold her own prematurely and made some bad financial decisions. My gran said no. I'm worried of the impact an LPA with my mum only could have on my gran. I have told my mum that my gran has asked for both of us but my mum is pushing back hard and has said she will finish the LPA with my gran in April. I won't be there and literally won't be able to stop it. Do I just have to watch this absolute train wreck take place??
Elderly parents
Lasting Power of Attorney
Fantapops · 23/03/2024 20:14
https://www.alz.org/careplanning/downloads/dsrs-scale.pdf
Chatbot12 · 23/03/2024 20:21
contact the office of the public guardian for advice or seek input from a solicitor who specialises in LPAs and Court of Protection matters, just in case you need to go down that route. but you do need to act immediately in these circumstances
Fleamaker · 23/03/2024 21:41
Your grandmother would need to sign the application for POA, along with her nominated person(s) who she wants...along with a witness. Has she done this with your mum?
Your mum can't just do POA without your grandmother's signature.
If your mum has done this, and your grandmother has signed without fully understanding, she can cancel it and say she doesn't want your mum.
TraitorsGate · 24/03/2024 10:23
It might be safer for gran to appoint a solicitor as her poa and executor if she does want to update her will, does it need updating?
TammyJones · 24/03/2024 12:15
We started POA (relative died).
But it was going to coast £500 ish.
So with solicitors fees.....
How come your nan wants your mum to be joint POA if she's so manipulative?
PermanentTemporary · 25/03/2024 20:49
I wonder if she might be better off not giving power of attorney at all?
She could give you third party access to her bank account and could make a will? She doesn't have to do anything else.
TammyJones · 25/03/2024 12:28
@Fantapops
Because she's still my gran's daughter, and she loves her, and she has 'family should never fall out' attitude. She thinks that if she doesn't let my mum be LPA then my mum would fall out with her. She's probably right about this to be honest.
Sadly family do fall out.
But if mi mum had abused me as a child that would be me.
In your shoes I would get my Nan to move near yourself and sort the POA for you.
Anything else will give your mum totally control ...and neither you nor your nan need that.
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Chrisaldridge · 25/03/2024 10:27
If you wanted a line to go in with could you suggest that it would be easier with just one POA listed and that should be you? I have a (useless) second POA listed and I would rather they weren’t! It increases the admin to prepare the docs and register them, quite apart from any issues of me having to deal with them and account to them going forward.
PermanentTemporary · 25/03/2024 20:49
I wonder if she might be better off not giving power of attorney at all?
She could give you third party access to her bank account and could make a will? She doesn't have to do anything else.
LinemanForTheCount · 25/03/2024 22:06
How difficult for you OP. I would
ring the Office of the Public Guardian advice line. I am sure they can offer help and advice in this, especially when undue pressure or bullying is happening.
However if your grandmother is of sound mind and still decides to give your mother power of attorney, regardless, because she doesn’t want to fall out, then that is her (unwise!) choice; it’s not your problem or responsibility - what are you meant to do in such circumstances? They are not in any way of your making.
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