Widowed Mum is in her early 80s. She is totally compos mentis, still very sharp, but physically she is rapidly deteriorating but unwilling to accept this. She keeps having falls because she will not accept that she can no longer do things like stand on the step ladder to retrieve things from high shelves, or carry heavy bags of compost across the garden. This is the third time now in as many months she's had to call an ambulance out because she's fallen over.
i live a 4 hour drive away from her (she used to live nearer but she and my Dad moved just after they retired, and he died not long after that) and she has refused to move any nearer me and I cannot move any nearer her as cannot uproot my own kids who are at school and nearing exam age. I have one brother but he lives abroad and has a severely disabled child he cares for so can't really provide help. I am a single parent myself. Mum is a bit of a recluse and has no real friends and no relationship with her neighbours. She totally refuses anyone coming in to help. She won't even allow me to get her a cleaner or someone to do the gardening.
What can I do? I'm at my wits end if truth be told. She simply won't accept help.
Elderly parents
Elderly mum, not sure what to do any more
Cherony · 20/03/2024 16:50
cloudjumper · 20/03/2024 22:08
I completely sympathise, OP. I'm in the exact same position with my mum, it is so frustrating and worrying. Sorry, I have no helpful advice, just solidarity!
helpfulperson · 23/03/2024 21:49
Most local councils will have an alarm system where she can call them instead of the ambulance service if she just needs help to get up. It is hard when you can see that she shouldn't be doing these things but I'm sure when I'm 80 I'll still be trying to be that independant.
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 24/03/2024 10:39
‘She is totally compos mentis’ ….so maybe she is not unhappy? Not everyone wants society or human companionship.
The falls clinic sounds like a good suggestion, if it can be couched as something to help her maintain her current lifestyle. Quite often better footware is a help as it makes you more stable ( experience speaks).
you don’t have to feel guilty, OP. It’s not your choice or unwillingness that is to blame.
Cherony · 26/03/2024 17:39
She is unhappy. She talks all the time about how lonely she is and how much it upsets her that she keeps falling. Yet will not accept help or companionship from others.
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 24/03/2024 10:39
‘She is totally compos mentis’ ….so maybe she is not unhappy? Not everyone wants society or human companionship.
The falls clinic sounds like a good suggestion, if it can be couched as something to help her maintain her current lifestyle. Quite often better footware is a help as it makes you more stable ( experience speaks).
you don’t have to feel guilty, OP. It’s not your choice or unwillingness that is to blame.
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