What would you ask?

[PinkShoelaces]

DM diagnosed with MCI 6 months ago and has probably had symptoms of this for over 18 months. I know it's not necessarily going to develop into dementia, but I've noticed a big difference over the last year and am aware that sometimes she seems to be fading. She doesn't seem to remember a lot.

I think I'm scared that I'll regret not talking to her about certain things like her life, her history, my early life etc before she forgets, as I'm aware that she already has no memory of many poignant and/or significant shared family memories.

The thing is, now I'm faced with thinking about what to talk to her about, I don't know where to start. Has anyone got any advice about what to ask, or anything they wish they'd asked? It's all desperately sad but I'm a bit numb to it at the moment.

[LeWifi]

I recently saw a TikTok account where the young guy had asked his dementia sufferer DGM about her early life. He had played some old music and just asked what she did as a teen, how she met her husband, her first job etc and filmed her as she came alive and chatted on about her life. He just let her talk, he has now filmed his DM.

Maybe just start with her earlier years then go on to meeting your dad, how she found out she was pregnant etc and then see how much she talks about.

[defnotadomesticgoddess]

We got a book from Amazon called grandma tell me your life story. We ended up using it as prompts for her chatting about her life. Was really interesting. There were a few headings which we didn’t use like what are your passwords but the rest was good

[Beamur]

Going through old photos is a good prompt.

[GuppytheCat]

Do you have photos of her early life? You could go through some of them as a jumping off point, label them on the back or in albums, see if she'd like to talk about 'Jean from the office' or 'the time I went to Barmouth with little cousin Martin and he was sick on the train'.

I am dreadful at remembering who is who in old photos. It doesn't help that some of ours are labelled in teeny neat print things like 'Lillie? Or Hester'.

[GuppytheCat]

Snap, Beamur

[Knotaknitter]

I found stacks of old photos whilst clearing the house for sale. Nothing on them, not so much as a year. If I could turn back time I would have asked mum about them and marked them up. As it was I binned them and felt bad about it.

[doitwithlove]

I agree with previous posters, start with her younger days - what she enjoyed at school, her parents and siblings (if she had any) any memories of where she lived.

Good luck.

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Might be worth starting later and moving backwards, since it is the earlier memories which are most firmly bedded in.

[PinkShoelaces]

These are all great ideas. Why did photos not occur to me? She loves photos. Also music has given me another great place to start, and also something that we might be able to bond over. I don't know why those things didn't occur to me - I think being a bit numb to everything right now means my brain isn't really in gear. I'm really grateful for these suggestions - thank you.

[fluffycloudalert]

Yes, please go through old photos and write on the back who/where they are. I have a whole box full of the things, and I know they are photos of wider family, taken from about 1890 - WWll, but there is nobody left to ask.