How to broach the subject of moving parent to residential care and selling home to pay for it?

[falstaff1980]

My mother has MCI and is just about managing on her own, but I have to keep a watchful eye over her and the house, which does absorb a lot of my time and add to my worries (I've got a three year old daughter, and older kids from previous marriage).

She does have some friends who have moved into care homes, and does visit them occasionally. I'm wondering how to drop the suggestion that she could move into one of them. I know one near me that does respite care, so I could suggest this for when I go on holiday - but I suspect even if she does go there, that she'll be worrying about the house and going back every day to open/close curtains etc.

I'm wondering if there are any care homes that provide just meals, so my mother could go there for meals and company, but still return to her house to sleep, this might be a good way to ease into the idea of moving permanently.

[olderbutwiser]

I think the idea of a respite week when you're on holiday would be a good way to open the conversation. If she has MCI then it may be that a move to residential care in the longer term is inevitable, and it's always better to be prepared rather than to have to make big changes during a crisis.

[Hollyhocksandlarkspur]

OP if she worries about security when house empty, could you reassure her by putting in timers on lamps, auto curtain drawing and light sensors so she is more likely to settle there?

[Rocknrollstar]

Day centres will provide her with lunch but she has to get there.

[GloriousintheArctic]

You would need to choose the care home carefully. You say she has MCI, so at this very early stage I doubt a dementia care home would be a good idea, it would probably be upsetting for her because there will be residents with severe dementia who will display behaviours which will alarm her. (My mother has been in a dementia care home for several years.)

If you think her mental state is good enough to for respite in a regular residential care home then that could be an option - it would depend whether her behaviours were acceptable there.

However it may not be helpful to have her go back and forth each day, it may be confusing for her. People with dementia need to feel safe in a familiar environment.

It might be more helpful at this early stage to suggest a carer coming to the house for a couple of hours each day during your holiday, to help her with whatever things you usually do for her. Jumping straight from no care to residential care is a big leap.

Before my mother moved to a care home, I used Home Instead who were brilliant. You can choose whatever range of hours you need. My mother had a carer in the morning to give her breakfast, take her shopping or out for a walk, then give her lunch. Then an hour in the evening to prepare her dinner. The carers were very friendly and provided companionship.

[PermanentTemporary]

A care home close to me does day care, so it exists but it would cost.

What other funds might there be? How many hours are you spending a week? Could Attendance Allowance be a possibility - and start to introduce some light touch/companion care at home to support your mum and take some pressure off you?

Or would Home Share be an option- where you have a kind of lodger who pays a low rent but provides companionship? That isn't suitable for professional care tasks but could be part of the picture and could at least alert you to problems. I imagine them perhaps changing the odd light bulb etc but dont know the details.

Or would a move to extra care housing be right at this point?

[carerneedshelp]

Why specifically a care home?
Have you considered getting a carer to pop in once or twice a day to help her instead?
Have you looked at retirement villages with independent flats but assistance if needed?