Organising private care for MiL

[Notsobadstepmum]

Hi there, anyone able to tell me how you start arranging in home care for a recently widowed elderly relative? I'm not sure it's the best option - I think renting somewhere in an assisted living community would be a much better option - but she doesn't think that and she's my MiL rather than my own Mum so I'm not especially empowered here. I'm guessing it would have to be self funded as she is relatively comfortable financially.

Where do I start, please?

If you look on your local council website there should be information. You could ask for a care assessment which will establish what care needs MIL has, but if she has funds it is likely she will have to pay.

Alternatively you could just contact local places (again likely to be a list of providers on the council website) and arrange for visits

As pp said.

Can you discuss with her exactly what she does want? If it’s more wanting someone to clean and tidy or do the gardening type help, then you will need to find those rather than a carer. If she’s lonely, then age uk used to do a befriending service which you paid for - and they would try to match you with someone who you paid for companionship eg coffee and a chat, shopping, doing a hobby etc. If it’s requiring help getting up, showering, etc then an at home care agency would be the approach.

AgeUK will have information on income and savings limits before you have to contribute to LA arranged care (which will only be personal care - washing, dressing, toileting and popping a ready meal in a microwave).

Worth getting a Social Services assessment as it may open the door to OT help, with free fitting of grab handles and supply of perching stools etc. if she does need personal care help, it may be cheaper through LA.

More expensive to hire through an Agency than employ direct, but you don’t have to worry about NI payments etc.

Gardening, Cleaning, handyman, personal assistant for help with shopping and taking to appointments will have to be arranged separately.

Some LAs still do meals-on-wheels.

If she’s only recently been widowed, probably sensible to stay put. Too early to make life changes. Revisit in two years.

Great advice by other posters.
local recommendations re agencies/ independent carers are most helpful- local fb/ next door/ gp/ vicar etc.
home instead are a franchise with usually good ratings but expensive.
look at attendance allowance- non means tested.

Why isn't your husband taking the lead on this? I'm sure you have enough going on in your own life to contend with. I hope you don't feel pressured into taking this all on.

Thank you everyone. He is taking the lead but is pretty overwhelmed (current focus is funeral and admin) so I'm just trying to pull together information for the next step: I won't be arranging it! (Wouldn't dare!)

You can easily internet search local care agencies. Make sure to check their Care Quality Commission reports.

In my experience, the agencies are keener to take on substantial packages i.e more than one visit a day every day or a one hour visit daily rather than only some days.

If you don’t want that much support yet, we used Curam Care to find private carers successfully.