Care home concerns

[OnthePiste]

Hi DM moved into a local CH after having several falls and her Alzheimers worsening. She is currently on respite care funded by the NHS but I chose this home (in a hurry) as I wanted some say in it. It was recommended to me by several people including a paramedic who knows most of the local CH's. I was shown around by the owner and was impressed. Not swanky but homely, clean and friendly.

DM seems fairly settled and we are hoping she can stay permanently as she can no longer live alone but there are couple of niggles I have. I didn't meet the CH manager as she was on holiday when I was shown around. My first impressions were not great as when I called to see how was on her first morning there, her reply was "demanding"! I was quite shocked at this, should have said something at the time really. She has been very efficient since and is well qualified working with dementia patients but I just don't warm to her. Secondly, when I was shown round it was very fresh smelling but the last few times I have been in, the area near my mum's room smells awful. I assume they have an incontinent patient nearby so it is understandable but surely they must be able to manage it?

Otherwise DM says the food is good, decent entertainment and the other residents are friendly. Not all of them have dementia so she is able to join in conversations and activities when suitable.

Should I be concerned by these issues? Having a wobble about whether I am making the right decision!

[Rupertpenrysmistress]

Oh op, it's a hard enough decision already without these worries. It's a shame the word demanding was used, did she say it in a light hearted way or do you feel she meant it in a derogatory manner? The reason I ask is that I sometimes hear relatives refer to patients like this but, it's often meant as 'she likes things done her way and will tell you so'. Alternatively of course it can indicate a problem with the staff attitude.

It is unfortunate and if that is the only issue with staff I would give it a bit more time. Re the incontinence smell, there is no reason for a care home to continually smell like this. It should only be short term ie a resident has a UTI or has just been incontinent. As you say mum seems happy so I would give it a bit longer and see if you notice any other problems. I hope it settles it's such a tough decision.

[Knotaknitter]

It is a really difficult time for you, trying to make the right decision, the responsibility, feeling that you missed the lesson that covered this. The manager has upset you with one word, it is going to sour your experience. That alone is going to be enough for you to feel that things are a bit off.

Your mum sounds happy, as happy as she's going to be given the circumstances. Does she have issues with the staff, has she complained about the smell? If she is happy and safe then it is the right decision. I'd ask a passing member of staff about the smell, if they accompany you to your mum's room then it should be easy enough to do.

[IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere]

When mum first arrived at the home she was in quarantine which was horrendous for her - she had been on a ward in hospital with other ladies and she hated being alone. We could see from her notes that she was constantly calling for the carers because she was lonely.

Her home has excellent reviews everywhere and is one of the top 20 in the country. There are some members of staff who are less warm than others. One in particular my cousin and I disliked because she seemed to see us as an interruption to her work. But on one occasion as we were looking for someone to let us out through the security door we saw this particular nurse on her knees hugging a patient and comforting her and we both realised that the staff reactions to the residents are far more important than their attitude to visitors.

As for the smell it could be an unfortunate coincidence that you are smelling it every time you visit. We have noticed the odd smell from time to time but not consistently.

[Mum5net]

Seven years' experience of care situations here, including a care home which was force closed, the next one which was ultimately too expensive for her to afford, and another brand new one put in special measures after three years which has improved and is coming out the other side.

My view is that care homes go up and down in quality depending on the quality of the manager. If the manager can keep a regular and almost full quota of staff and makes sure the staff are being trained, then they are winning and deserve high praise. It is a hugely difficult role and staff retention is a daily juggling act.

On very few occasions have I seen a manager involved in my DM's care other than a hand squeeze, a warm word and a knowledge of DM's health. So, OP, the 'demanding' comment wouldn't phase me too much as it was possibly accurate and honest.

The smell issue -might be apparent if you are going into see her immediately after lunch - as the corridors at our place can get quite ripe when there is a mass changing of pants and toilet visits. If, however, it is at different times and is consistent in every corridor, then I would raise that as a concern, firstly with a team member and then higher if problem becomes a norm.

The things which I would move her for are if she is consistently bored and left unstimulated; if they ever start to mess up her medications or if you find her regularly with soiled clothes or is always very thirsty with no drink beside her.

It is an emotional roller coaster for all concerned, especially if you have to clear the house to pay for fees all at the same time.

Keep reassuring yourself that she is being looked after by a trained team in a purpose built/ or purpose adapted environment. The team go on and off duty so your DM will meet and talk to lots of different people across a 24 hr period, rather than being in her own four walls at home. Friendly residents, good food and valid entertainment are all huge positives.

[OnthePiste]

Thank you all for your comforting words. You are right-I need to give it more time and I think it is just the anxiety of whether I am doing the right thing. I keep half thinking should I have tried again with her back at her home but after a trip out today to the town centre shops, I can categorically say she 100% needs 24 hour care!! 😆

The CH has so much going for it, privately owned, same staff for years, no agency staff, semi rural setting with a gorgeous garden and 2 house cats. I'm not going to let one word put me off, I do think she said it in a jokey manner but I just felt it was inappropriate. I was probably too sensitive as I was so worried about mum. The smells I will keep an eye on and mention to the head carer. Mum has not complained at all as she spends the whole day in the communal areas. The carers who I have met all do seem lovely.