I'm losing patience

[Undecidedmare]

I'm the only carer for my severely disabled mother, she refuses to have any other care. I work, have four children and basically run her life too. My mum has had an awful life that has scarred her and left her difficult, immature, selfish and demanding.
I, myself had a difficult childhood which included lots of beatings and emotional abuse but as I've become an adult and she is less physically able she has mellowed.
I do my best to meet all her needs but I find her demands a becoming too much and there seem to be more and more unacceptable incidents that I'm struggling to forgive/explain/ignore.
Today, she asked if two of my children would go for a walk with her. They wanted to go and I agreed.
At the moment she has a condition which means she can only eat liquids, as solids make her choke and vomit. I rang her three times because I know how difficult she is, to please not eat while with the children as if she choked it would frighten them and obviously it is unfair for them to deal with it. She promised me she wouldn't eat and and even got cross with me for daring to suggest she even would,after I'd asked a few times.
So , I get a phone call from my panicked children to say she was eating while they were out. I spoke on the phone and said you promised you wouldn't. She put the phone down and then my children called to say she'd called them bitches and told them to fuck off because they'd told me. I'm so upset for them. I collected them all immediately and took her home without saying a word to her. I feel so trapped and frustrated with this situation that I can't escape. I'm all she has and I do everything for her, she couldn't cope on her own.

[Needmoresleep]

Bob thank you for that. It explains a lot.

I have probably always wanted my mother's approval, and perversely denying me this gave my mother the upper hand. Her behaviour over the years would have allowed me to walk away but I did not.

She can still be pretty mean but the power balance has shifted, and even with dementia she recognises this. I have been able to accept that my mother is half gone, too late to improve a relationship that was never healthy. This has been really liberating. I will continue to support her because I choose, not to get something from her. Which means I can finally put aside the negative views she fed me with, both as a child and as an adult.

A bit deep. However it is a relief to know that I am not the only one forced to confront a level of dis-functionality in order to be in a position to care for an elderly parent.

That said my childhood sounds like a walk in the park compared with OPs.