Stuff going missing in carehome

[stolenearrings]

Mum is in her 80s and has been in her present care home for 3 years. I live hundreds of miles away but the rest of my family live locally to her and visit regularly.

She got a nice pair of earrings for Xmas. My sister put them in for her and she looked lovely. When she visited on New Year's Eve my Mum did not have them in. My sister asked her when they had been taken out - she didn't know. She is often confused and her memory can be erratic. She is probably is in the early stages of dementia but can be quite lucid. My sister had a good look round her room. She asked one of the carers who said someone might have taken them out and put them aside somewhere and forgotten about them. My sister asked them to have a good look round to see if they had got mixed up with someone elses stuff. The Care Home Manager said she would ask all her staff if they had seen them.

The care home seem to think they might have come out when she had her jumper taken off.

My sister is being very patient and understanding with the staff. They are offering to reimburse her the £22 cost of the earrings.

I am upset because I think they have probably been stolen (and my sister thinks this is a possibility too). I think we should get the police involved. Unfortunately, 2 years ago my Mum's wedding rings went "missing" the day after my Dad's funeral. The family gave the home the benefit of the doubt then and accepted an apology from the care home (they admitted that someone had put them in an envelope and that they hadn't been put in the safe and had got "lost")

I feel bad because I am so far away and won't have to deal with the fallout of this situation if the police become involved. That situation will fall entirely on my sister's shoulders. Many of the carers in the home are lovely and my sister has a good relationship with them. They do rely heavily on agency staff.

I just feel so bad for my Mum (and by default) the other residents of the home. I fear someone is taking advantage of their vulnerability. Do you think I am right in advising my sister to contact the police even though it might make for an unpleasant atmosphere between her and my Mum's carers (and my Mum?)

[ProfessorDent]

Sorry that's a typo, I mean to write that the CQC is not legally allowed to act on individual complaints by people about care homes. It can only look out for it when it visits, and if it sees it happening then, it can act and report on it. Instead, they recommend you contact social services (if they are the ones paying the bulk of the fees) or the local ombudsman. The CCQ is imo a red herring, it is always quoted in care home scandals as if it should be on the case, but no staff are gonna beat up some old biddy when a CQC team is visiting.

The person in charge of the CQC did preside over the Stafford hospital scandal, she is no longer in charge of the CQC I understand.

In your case 3littlefrogs, that is beyond the pale and I would be kicking up a fuss with someone, no question.

[BrianTheMole]

the home is not legally allowed to act on anything that happens or reported outside its visit, it must be struck from the record

Sorry, what do you mean, the home? Do you mean CQC? I'm a bit confused by your statement.

[3littlefrogs]

If I remember correctly, the person who is in charge of CQC also presided over the debacle that was the Stafford hospital scandal. the name escapes me ATM.

My MIL went into the care home with a carefully selected collection of smart, mix and match, washable clothes. All named. The last time we took her out she was dressed in someone else's very tatty, ill fitting dress, no tights and a very large pair of plastic sandals. In November.

[ProfessorDent]

Oh, and once again, I must point out that the CQC is a chocolate teapot. It exists for its own benefit, and any benefit it offers residents' relatives is coincidental. It can only act if it catches the staff in the act when it visits, otherwise it hasn't happened as far as they're concerned. This isn't me just bitching, it is fact - the home is not legally allowed to act on anything that happens or reported outside its visit, it must be struck from the record. Of course, it only tells you this after you've filed a lengthy report; it is quite happy for you to do that and get it out of your system, but it's for their benefit, not yours.

[pippop1]

I've just been emailed the forms for MIL to go into a care home. On the list of "what to bring with" it says not to bring expensive jewellery or items.

[Frostycake]

Both my parents had severe dementia and within weeks of going into care, their possessions disappeared, including my father's wedding ring and watch, my grandmothers engagement ring, my mothers engagement ring and wedding band. The home said they didn't know where they were. They had all been listed as property when my parents when into the home. My cousin said that the same thing happened to her father while he was in care. I seriously hope it's unusual/rare and not regular practice. I didn't have the heart to remove my parents' jewellery when they went into the home. I wish I had now.

[ProfessorDent]

Yeah, I get that, but of course you need an alternative nursing home lined up and we don't, it's not that easy. I have complained about some things.

[BrianTheMole]

What poor practice, BrianTheMole? That is just how it is in nursing homes, if they can't say, hey, take me to the loo, they won't take them, as I understand. That's what the pants are for.

No its not. I've worked with some extremely good nursing homes that are not like that at all. This casual acceptance that it is just how it is means people don't complain, and things never change. If people see poor practice they have a responsibility to complain about it, for the sake of all the people that live there who are unable initiate change themselves.

[ProfessorDent]

Not sure about this, I mean my Mum isn't on life support, just can't walk around or feed herself but seems more dead than she is, i mean we take her out and so on. No, if she was on life support we'd get financial relief, can't think of the phrase now.

What poor practice, BrianTheMole? That is just how it is in nursing homes, if they can't say, hey, take me to the loo, they won't take them, as I understand. That's what the pants are for.

You may as well complain about your boss's wandering hands - to the boss. See where that gets you.

[3littlefrogs]

Sorry - care home, not nursing home.
You need to be practically on life support to qualify for a nursing home.

[3littlefrogs]

My dad was in a reasonably good nursing home. Still most of his (named) property went missing frequently.

He needed a great deal of care and was wheelchair bound.

He was assessed by a social worker as not needing any nursing care (I know, this is how it is done now), but needed visits from the district nursing team every day. Especially after he got pressure sores. And UTI from not being given enough drinks. And congestive heart failure because the staff kept forgetting to give him his medication/order repeat prescriptions.

He needed a visit from a family member at least once a day to keep on top of all of this. The fees were £900 per week.

[BrianTheMole]

I wouldn't accept that poor pactice dent. If people don't flag it up and complain, then its allowed to continue.

I'm assuming your mum doesn't get LA funding? Even so, if her savings run out, the LA / HA do pick up the bill if she's eligible. Did she get assessed by SSD before moving into the home?

[ProfessorDent]

Yes, well I do refer to my Mum in my post. And the place is not officially that awful, I mean frankly I have visited far worse in terms of decor and atmosphere, and there are not screaming nutters there (her last place, for 300 a week more, described as 'excellent' by a local GP, cheers mate).

Other places? In the area? Sure, and they are around £1,500 a week! Not more than a handful of nursing homes in a 2-mile radius.

[BrianTheMole]

Hi op, yes it is. If you call your mums local ssd they will give you the number or put you through. Alternatively you can google adult safeguarding plus your mums area, and the contact details should be easy to find.

[pudcat]

ProfessorDent Can I ask you if you have someone in a home or when you last had someone in a home? There are good homes out there. Unfortunately only the bad ones get the publicity.

[stolenearrings]

ProfessorDent what can I say. The picture you paint is depressingly familiar. It's a sorry way to end your days and I hope to God that, if I ever end up heading that way I can take steps to avoid the same demise.

[ProfessorDent]

Sorry, that should read 'if a CD (compact disc) of your kids got nicked' not saying if your kids got nicked and sold off you should just go along with it!

[ProfessorDent]

This thread is as good as any about the reality of care homes.

In a way, it is not so different from schools. You don't have a vast amount of say, actually tbh schools are worse, look at the bullying that goes on, all approved, I know of no case where a school has been sued because of a suicide brought on by bullying.

But my point is, if a CD or your kids got nicked or went missing at your kid's school, you probably wouldn't call the police. And if it was a valuable item, well, why is it being taken to school then?

As for the staff, some I've found are nice and the wicked sounding ones, well, they seem to have carte blanche. Short of leaving a hidden camera in their room, can you really be sure what goes on?

As for being incontinent: well, when my Dad had her at home, he would ask my Mum if she needed to go to the loo, she would say yes, and she would go. At a nursing home, generally they'll let her piss her pants, it's the way it goes there. Admittedly she can't talk much beyond yes or no, but they do not schedule loo breaks except for those who can ask and badger to go (and to be fair, some of those will just be saying that regardless of whether they need the loo or not). So, yep, Mum is incontinent really, what do you expect.

She never walked again with a zimmer (and me leading it) after she went into a home, but there you go. For a grand a week, you'd expect more but they hold the aces.

[stolenearrings]

Thanks again, Brian the Mole - is adult safeguarding within social services? My Mum is in England but I'm not and am not abreast of the relevant people to contact. Adult safeguarding certainly sounds like an appropriate body in this case.

On the whole I think she is well looked-after. There are some lovely pepole there but the whole atmosphere of the place is grim because... it is grim.

[BrianTheMole]

Yes. I would get on to adult safeguarding and voice your concerns. There may have been other complaints. Let them take it up. And CQC. Its not on that her wedding rings went missing or her earings. Upsetting the staff should not be an issue, if they have nothing to hide then there isn't a problem. If you think the staff would take it out on her then all the more reason to flag it up. Theres plenty of good homes out there, don't let the shit ones carry on with their bad practice through fear. Your mum doesn't have to stay there.

[stolenearrings]

Oh goodness this is so depressing but thanks everyone for replying. I feel bad now for getting on my high-horse and perhaps pressuring my sister to "do something".

Maybe I should accept that it is a fact of life that things will go missing in the chaos and drudgery of looking after elderly people (with dementia especially). It does make me think about why we buy "nice" things for my Mum anyway. She doesn't care about what she's wearing - it makes us feel nice that we are buying her clothes that make her look nice and bits and bobs of jewellery but she doesn't give a toss about it. Perhaps that's what the anger (mine especially) is about more than anything. That it's come to this; our Mum sat in a chair, breathing and eating but not exactly "living".

Her dementia isn't bad at all. She ended up in the home as a vulnerable adult because of her depression and the fact that my father could not be trusted to look after her properly. He's died since she's been in there. She's just given up. Most of the other residents can't walk about themselves and spend their days curled up in a fetal position in the TV lounge or just sat blankly, or screaming. My Mum was doddery and a wee bit forgetful when she went in there but quickly became doubly incontinent and unable to walk.

The staff spend their time feeding the residents and dealing with their toiletting. They're not going to care about a pair of f**cking earrings. Most of them are lovely. I spoke to one who showed me photos of her two children back in her home country, thousands of miles away with their grandmother - she sends a majority of her earnings home to them and gets to see them once every year or so. There are many there who are nice and many that are very perfunctory, dolling out the drugs, harassed and sometimes a bit tight with their smiles.

I guess I am just eaten away by the thought that there might be people working at the care home who think "I'll take this, no one will bother making a fuss or calling the police and the person I'm stealing from can't remember even owning it anyway". The thought that this might be going on wholesale in most care-homes makes my blood run cold.

Anyway, once again thanks to everyone and 3littlefrogs it sounds like you particularly have experience of this "not wanting to upset the staff". It's not a nice position to be in is it? Thanks for your understanding and sorry to hear of your many depressing experiences.

[DoItTooJulia]

This is so sad. My nan is in a care home and has had some stuff go missing.

We were concerned it was theft until her false teeth went missing. Apparently, lots of stuff goes down the toilet, especially if dementia is involved.

Of course, the cut glass vase that was my great grandmas didn't fit down the toilet so we don't know where that went.

We've learned not to send anything valuable or precious and name label all clothes. Even each sock.

[3littlefrogs]

You are fortunate pudcat. This is our 4th care home over a period of about 10 years. (4 different relatives).

[pudcat]

Mum has had a couple of things go missing but they have been found where the staff knew where they would be. Mum now doesn't have any jewelry there because a) she doesn't know she is wearing it and b) it might get lost.

I have had no problems in both homes with finding clothes and glasses.

Nor with the other problems you mention 3littlefrogs

[3littlefrogs]

This is the reality of having a vulnerable relative in a care home.
I am currently going through it for the 4th time.

It is NOT an easy choice to make - most people struggle on until they simply cannot continue to care for a demented, frail parent any longer, because it is still a full time job, for which you pay out upwards of £700 per week.

You have to visit every day, to find the clothes, the hearing aid, the dentures, the glasses.

To nag, check, remind about the need for a GP visit, a prescription, to see that medication is actually being given, that food and drinks are actually being given, to explain over and over again the basic principles of adequate nutrition, awareness of the causes of pressure sores etc etc..

You have to constantly replace the lost clothing and toiletries, look for the new shoes/slippers that disappeared after a week. It is depressing and exhausting.

But you have to be so careful to try not to upset the staff, because they are the ones looking after your relative when you are not there.