Told I'm teaching my son the "wrong" way. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

[Katherine]

I feel really furious so just have to get this off my chest. DS started school in January and so far has loved every minute of it. He's very bright but puts most of his energy into creative things and imagination and has not so far been that interested in numbers and letters but lately he's been getting much more involved and this weekend wrote his sisters name without any help which really impressed me.

Anyway this morning his teacher (who has a reputation for being a dragon) took me aside and complained that she had been testing his letters. She was horrified he didn't seem to know them all yet (well isn't that why he is there!) but then went on to complain that he won't say the letter, only the word it starts off, so instead of "n" he says Noah and instead of "M" he says mummy. She complained that I had been teaching him the wrong way. That I should focus on other letters and not mention what the letter stands for. Or better still I should stay well out of it and leave it to her.

Now I don't claim to know more about teaching but the sad thing is I feel terribly guilty because I never have time to teach DS - anything he has learned is something he has developed himself to help him remember. I feel he has just not learned the distinction between words and letters yet and if someone spends some time on this with him he will grasp it all fine.

I feel really arngy as I don't feel she is accepting that this is my sons way of doing things. She is trying to impose on him rather than letting him develop his own ways which I think is wrong. But most of all I feel it is terrible for her to blame me for something he has got wrong and to order me not to teach him at all. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? And if so how do I stick up for myself. I am not a confrontational sort of person and to be honest I find her scary. Do I just let it pass and do my own thing at home. I just feel really bad about it all.

[booklady]

I just wanted to know if there was an update on this. Which LEA is the school with? Would it be worth contacting them direct?

[Clarinet60]

A vote of agreement from me again. Meanmum, you say it best. People like this make my blood boil too and I thought they went out with the ark, in teaching. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[meanmum]

Hi Katherine. Sorry for being nosey but just wondering how this was going. Hope it's improved.

[Hilary]

I just feel so sad for your poor son. He has only been at school for a few months and it is all still so new to him, he is young in his class anyway and he sounds as though he is trying his best and being undermined at every turn by his own teacher!

I think you need to go along with dh to the parents evening and be brave and say something.

Love to you though.

[WideWebWitch]

Blimey Katherine, this woman makes my blood boil too, what is she on? I agree, go to the governors and the PTA - they need to be aware of this (bet they are already and just need someone to formally bring it up). Steppemum's suggestion of asking for the policy sounds good too. Good luck.

[steppemum]

Katherine, I've just read this thread, and I feel so sorry for your ds being put in this position and so angry with her. I am a primary school teacher, and we were always well aware when other members of staff were behaving badly towards kids. If you have the courage to bring this up you may find that the staff and parents feel safe to come out and back you. On way is for the parent governors to ask for a school policy on behaviour. We had one which said that positive reinforcement was the schools policy. (ie praising what HAS been done, rather than focussing on what hasn't) Once a ploicy is in place, then you can complain that it isn't being followed. There may even be such a policy already. Having a piece of paper to back you up can help take the pressure of you.

On a lighter note, Tescos sell foam letters for playing in the bath. They stick to anything when they are wet. My goddaughter loved them and used to find the m for mummy and pile soap bubbles on it etc. Once she asked me which was my letter, and then the next day kept looking for that letter on car number plates. I thought it was a lovely way to have letters around which are play not work.

[josiejump]

I'm just wondering how this woman relates to the staff at her school. If she treats children with so little respect, I doubt that she is able to command the respect of the other teachers. Have you heard any rumblings of discontent? It just seems to me that she certainly shouldn't be in charge of small children with an attitude like that, and maybe if the staff could take some sort of action against her then she could be moved into some different job to which she might be better suited ( I'll hold my tongue as to what job that might be).

[LIZS]

Katherine, your poor ds. I would be devastated if my son's confidence were undermined in such an offensive manner.

As you say she could have simply quietly asked you to dress him more simply on PE days until he really could master it(my MIL an ex-reception teacher did find this a particular issue and has instilled in me to make things as easy as poss for ds on those occasions, isn't velcro great!) but her manner is nothing short of bullying, and lazy. She obviously lacks the patience and skills to constructively educate young children and perhaps the PTA/Governors should be made aware of this. Her role is not only to get the kids to a level of numeracy and literacy but to nurture them and build up their confidence too.

Perhaps she is too bogged down under the weight of her Head's responsibilities and the key stage/sat admin to be an effective class teacher at the moment. Is she of the older generation by any chance, some of whom may resent the govt "interference" and allow this to affect their morale, and thereby that of the kids ?

You are doing well to encourage your ds despite this woman's attitude and I hope that his disappointment is short lived. On a more constructive note, if things like changing the kids for PE are such a chore , could your class's parents get together and arrange a rota for someone to be on hand to assist - ours did one for swimming but I realise that there are vetting rules that may apply in the UK to make this more complicated than it sounds.

Good luck

[crystaltips]

I agree with you Meanmum - this woman sounds like there might be other issues going on elsewhere. It's just not acceptable to take her frustrations out on you and DS.
I apologise as I have not read the whole thread - but is this just aimed at you or are others bearing the brunt of her "insensitivity"?
If it's just you - perhaps she thinks that you are pushover and accept this "bullying" tactic. She really has to be shown that such behaviour is not acceptable. After all what sort of message is she giving to the children ?

[Meanmum]

Sorry Katherine. I realise the first sentence of my last posting sounds a bit rude. It wasn't aimed at you just at the world in general as she sounds absolutely horrid.

[Jimjams]

Oh this woman is hideous- will ds be rid of her soon?

Have you heard of backward chaining? It can help teach things like putting on shirts. You start by leaving out the last step, So initially you would do it all- but leave the last button undone. Once he's mastered that leave the next one undone as well and so - leaving out one more step at a time until he's mastered it all.

[Meanmum]

Do you not believe this is a serious issue? Sorry I'm really worked up about this. I know you are angry at her but it feels a little like you are giving in to her. I know you are teaching him at home and encouraging him which is wonderful but it also seems that you are bowing to her demands which I think are ludicrous. So what, she's the head teacher, she can be wrong just like the rest of us. This is really upsetting me as I really feel she is bullying people and children into submission and I do not believe that is acceptable. She seems to have forgotten how to relate to children and needs to be reminded that encouragement will see far more rewards than reprimand. Of course they need discipline and guidance but her form is medieval, torturous for all involved and exclusionary.

[crystaltips]

Ooooh Meanmum - you said it so much more eloquently than me

[crystaltips]

Get DS to master this and then tell the silly old witch that with a little encouagement he was able to master this task too - stressing to her that it's not DS with the problem and as you say you are not going to be beaten !!
Keep it up. DS needs all your support as he's obviously not getting much support at school - oh well hopefully he'll be changing teachers next term!

[Meanmum]

I'm really sorry I haven't read all the responses on this thread and hope I'm not saying something someone else has already said but I think this is a serious issue. I think you need to raise the issue of this woman's teaching methods to Oftsted. I'm not a teacher, I don't have children at school so may be talking utter rubbish but we would never let anyone behave in this manner in our work place nor would I accept someone behaving in a this manner in public so why is she entitled to behave in this way in a school.

I see her teaching methods as bullying which are unacceptable. I appreciate I'm not at the school and I'm not in the class so can only base my opinions on information here, however, it does not appear that you have exagerated anything but merely told it the way you see it.

Children this age are eager to learn and I believe it is incredibly important at this age to imbue them with a passion for learning. I'm horrified to think that there is a class of children at this moment who may have their potential crushed due to a teacher's style. It doesn't bear thinking about all the children she may have already done this to and all the future children that she will teach.

I believe this is an incredibly serious issue and I hope you have tackled it and made her fully aware that her performance is lacking. All of us need continual learning and development and she should not forget that.

[Katherine]

Mrs X has struck again!!!!!

Up to now DS (4.5) has been wearing those stretchy polo shirts for school but I've been given a couple of proper short sleeved shirts and as its getting warmer(!) decided to give them a go as they look so smart and the others are getting a bit tight.

This morning when DS was getting dressed he got really upset when I asked him to put his shirt on and eventually said he wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. I thought he was having me on so gave him a hand. Thought it strange though as yesterday he managed to put it on without any trouble and fasten one button.

Anyway we want to school and I got cornered by HER!

"Did DS tell you what happened with the shirt? He didn't have a clue how to put it on. Even got it the wrong way up. Eventually I had to put it on him. I asked if he could do the buttons and he said yes but was there for ages and couldn't. So he can't wear them on days we have PE."

"Fair enough when do you do PE then?"

"Tuesday, Thursday and Friday but its no good. He can't do it. You'll have to wait till he's in Juniors to wear shirts like that."

"But they won't fit him then!"

Grrrrrrr. She just makes me so angry because she is so negative. DS was struggling to master shirts but was getting there until she "helped" him. Now he's too upset even to try. Why didn't she say "DS had real problems with the shirt the other day. Please could you try to use the others for PE until he gets a bit better and perhaps you could practise at home.

But NO! He's been banned from wearing them! I mean I do sympathise that shes got a lot of kids to organise and can't do one to one with DS and I'm prepared to work with that but to ban them all together!

Well I'm not going to be beaten. Its all about learning and learning to dress is just as important as letters and numbers. So I have decided that DS is going to wear shirts all weekend. And we won't put them on for him but will show him how to lay it out face down so he can just put it over his head and practise buttons. I don't want the poor child thinking he's failed. He just needs to learn how. It was only a few weeks ago that she was complaining he couldn't get dressed at all.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I know what you will all say but I just had to get it off my chest.

[judetheobscure]

She sounds awful - I think I would be getting together with other parents and complaining to the governors.

[Clarinet60]

janh and oxocube I totally agree with you. This is becoming a bugbear of mine and I will be an anarchist before DS1 even starts school.
Katherine, this is shocking. I hope you and some other parents (perhaps that poor little ex-prem baby boy's mum) could go to the govenors. I keep thinking back to This Little Life - they are so precious, how dare people treat them in this way?

[janh]

When my kids were in Reception - the last was 5 years ago and I don't know if it's still the same - they had no book at all for about 6 weeks, and then started with the lovely Oxford Reading Tree, on Fridays only!!!

So yes, Oxocube, I agree completely! Somebody else is having this problem on another thread, aren't they - can't remember who and my PC is on its knees for some reason so I can't check but she is coming in with 2 children and baby and trying to do all the domestic stuff and homework too every night. Barmy. (Not her ! )

In most of Europe and the US these children wouldn't even be in school for another 2 years! Why must they be pushed like this?

[oxocube]

Katherine,TBH, I think reading every day after school with your 4 year old and having to sign a record book is excessive! Does anyone else think so? Of couse, a bedtime story every night is a very different thing, but are you expected to point out letters, sounds, patterns, high frequency words etc every evening? My 5 yr old dd is v tired after school and would not bear up well to this at all.

[WideWebWitch]

Katherine, someone's got to stop her! What is she on? What does his mum think? Is she cross too? You can't say getting a star depends on one thing and then refuse to give it for another entirely unrelated matter! I agree with Janh, maybe the Governors or PTA could help. Governors are supposed to be 'critical friends' after all. Let us know how you get on.

[janh]

Yep, got mine up all right!

How old is she, Katherine? I just don't understand why she is behaving like this - even if she is one of the "old school", "children should be seen and not heard" - though in that case what on earth is she doing in a Reception class - she must surely have done Child Psychology etc. Not giving that poor child his star is so obviously counter-productive, why doesn't she see it?

I wonder if she is overworked, overstretched, stressed and depressed. I know that small schools' budgets don't run to a full-time Head, but there is so much admin these days, much of which won't vary with the size of the school, surely the LEAs could provide extra funds for more non-teaching time for the Head in a small school. Could you speak to a Governor, or is there a PTA that could do something - or something - I don't know how you go about dealing with something like this in a school this size...can you tell from talking to parents of older children if she was always this bad, or if she has got worse?

[snowbird]

I don't post much, but this has really annoyed me. How dare she treat that little boy like that, oh my bloods boiling. Poor little mite. I can't believe that she won't support the parents attempts of promoting good behaviour. To repeat jimjams, stupid stupid teacher, can't get over the fact she is a head. Arghh.

[Katherine]

Just another gem from Mrs X which I thought would get everyones hackles up!

The other little boy I mentioned, the one she made stand in a corner with his hands on is head because he was being disruptive. Turns out he was a premature baby and has visual problems so was playing up because he couldn't see the blackboard. Anyway his mum has brought in a star chart to encourage good behaviour. He gets a star when he completes his work, does his homework etc.

Yesterday Mrs X said he couldn't have the star for doing his homework because he had been noisy when he came into class. I ask you. Only this woman could turn a reward mechanism into a punishment.

[Katherine]

Jaybee yes I can laugh at it too but its not so much that I'm doing as I'm told and doing it another way - I've not really taught him anything before because I never have time and he always seems too tired anyway. I'd rather let him have some playtime. But in desperation because I didn't want her picking on him I've made a tiny attempt (1-2 mins max when getting ready for school) to drip feed him odd bits, not doing what she said (which was to dsicourage him associating letters with words) but trying to address what I see as the problem (that he doesn't distiguish between letters and words). I feel positively triumphant that after a couple of minutes explaining he seems to be grasping it and I didn't have to tell him NOT to do anything at all.

I've got a degreee in pschology and a large part of the course was child development. I'm not trying to say I know how to teach but its given me the condfidence to stick by my own beliefs. The sad fact is that a lot of mums wouldn't do that. They would either feel demoralised and not try to be involved with their kids for fear of doing it wrong or they would do as she told me to do and tell their kids not to do things a certain way which I beleive undermines the childs approach to learning.