Sex Ed in Secondary - Should the School have Told Us?

[MumofSilver]

My son came home from school after 'citizenship day' full of giggles about how they had been taught to put a condom on a banana ....

I don't like that at just turned 12 he is being taught this level of sex ed. However, the age of innocence has eroded somewhat and some kids need it so am not saying it should not have happened.

HOWEVER, should the school be communicating with parents just to let them know when such topics are being taught? My son's school did not. We are quite an open and frank family, but a heads up that the dinner conversation might be off down the line of 'somebody on the bus said there are different types Mum, what like?' would been appreciated!

[TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain]

It all

[TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain]

Out of curiosity I have a 9 year old ds. He knows the basics of how babies are made, he is very innocent and a young 9 and finds not all embarrassing. How much should he know? Should he know contraception etc?

[ProggyMat]

...it just gives the 'the religious nutters amongst the parents chance to raise objections' ...
Which 'religious nutters' are you alluding to, roguedad?

[roguedad]

We are constantly surprised by what our kids come home discussing. While it unnerves me a bit sometime I tell myself that's what education is for. If it is about the use of contraceptives that's definitely a plus. I am not even sure advance warning is even desirable - it just gives the religious nutters amongst the parents chance to raise objections and get in the way of the lesson being delivered at all.

[teacherwith2kids]

(It does not come easily to me - I was brought up by two lovely, but very Victorian parents - but I see it as my job to ensure that my children are fully informed of the facts about sex, contraception, etc etc, so that they have the information that they need to make sensible choices in their own lives.)

[teacherwith2kids]

If sex ed at school covers ANYTHING that you have not already discussed at home, then you as parents are telling your child too little, would be my general comment.

I always ask my children ' did you learn anything that you didn't know already?' and feel I have failed if the answer is 'yes'. 14 year old DS confessed that he hadn't been aware of the full range of contraceptive methods available to girls, though he knew all those available to him.Stored that up as a useful pointer to ensure that 12 year old DD has all that information, as we obviously hadn't discussed it enough at home.

[VikingLady]

One girl in my class had an abortion on her 13th birthday. 12 is NOT too soon.

[VivaLeBeaver]

I see 13yos and 14yos having babies. I think 12yo is probably a bit late to be having this sort of class.

[Whichseason]

Surely you know your child's school will be teaching sex ed at some point. Students need to be taught before they need to know the information. Student who receive good quality sex ed have sex later than student who don't.

[Lancelottie]

Wonder if we're at the same school? DD has just announced cheerily that they've 'done sex and drugs today' for PSHE day.

[inthename]

We had a letter that it was being taught as part of the science curriculum and in PSHE lessons, ds was lucky enough to have a teacher who was very good at teaching the facts whilst dealing with giggles, embarrassment etc and we'd already talked at home (theres an usbourne book thats very good but the name escapes me, something like 'whats happening to me' which covers puberty etc and allows for honest discussion without feeling awkward)
As others have said, permission and info is normally in the paperwork given out when they start.

[ValancyJane]

Agree with others that you will almost certainly have signed a piece of paper (along with permission to photograph etc) at the time of starting Year 7 giving permission to teach sex education. Was any information posted on the school's website about the lessons they would be doing this year in Citizenship?

For what it's worth, if you'd pulled him out he would probably have been teased - and his friends would have told him a garbled version of it anyway, much better he hears the facts from the teacher in my opinion.

I very much wish the school I used to work in had done this; one of my old form group gave birth at 14.

[noblegiraffe]

At the start of the year kids in my school get a planner. In the front of the planner is the home school agreement about homework etc, the use of IT policy and the sex ed curriculum. Parents are supposed to sign all these at the start of the year.
Is it in your DS's planner?

[AuntieStella]

www.fpa.org.uk/product/fpa-condom-demonstrator

Not fruit, veg or household appliances - you never know what fetishes they might provoke

[senua]

Upcoming Ofsted will be interesting!

Ofsteds are very quick these days. Our last one was over & done by the time I knew it because DS/the school managed not to tell me about it - I have the feeling you may have the same problem.
You and the other fed-up parents can always fill in Ofsted's ParentView questionnaire.

[isupposeitsverynice]

Apparently I'm not! I genuinely didn't know you could withdraw for some bits and not others. Every day's a school day eh? With the added context about school communication being poor, your annoyance makes more sense. I still disagree and don't think the school should be expected to provide a schedule for sex education, but I can see why it's pissed you off.

[SoupDragon]

cucumbers, gherkins, bananas or courgettes - not sure which is better?! We were shown on a broom handle!

I just thought the bend in a banana would make it tricky...

When DSs were going to be doing this in secondary school, we were told by email. I don't think it was made obvious at all that you could opt out but I imagine if you were the sort of person who would object then you would have done so anyway.

[AccordingToOurRecords]

This^^.
Why some parents do not bother is beyond me.

[Madamecastafiore]

At 12 you should have crossed the bridge at home with him already.

[nigelslaterfan]

sorry, 'hear' it.

[MumofSilver]

Titchy - Have just read back over the posts and am having a giggle fit at the image!

[nigelslaterfan]

Thankfully some schools are tackling this with pupils effectively.

If we left sex ed to parents - children would continue to get too little too late and continue with our bad stats on teenage pg.

Parents appear to suck at sex ed in this country.

We're far too hung up and don't know how to teach it to our own children.

Contact the school and check what the curriculum is and what they cover at what age, they will be glad to give you more info.

But information is power, these kids had better here it from school than learn about it from porn on someone's phone.

[MumofSilver]

Soup dragon - cucumbers, gherkins, bananas or courgettes - not sure which is better?! We were shown on a broom handle!

Isupposeitisverynice - 'actually' nothing was directed specifically at you, but glad you are well genned up. However you are entitled to withdraw your child from specific sex ed classes.

Claviova, I'll have a check on the school policy, thanks for that pointer. However, we def haven't signed anything or had any letters. That said, this school is well know for riding rough shod over parents and forgetting a to keep them informed on some pretty major issues. This is a minor one on a long list and endemic of a general blasé attitude. Hence a few parents getting hacked off on the principle of our rights ignored rather than actually wanting to act upon them! Upcoming Ofsted will be interesting!

[mrsdavidbowie]

soup dragon and bananas can break in half. Great way of putting boys off sex.

[Clavinova]

You probably did sign something - have you looked for the sex education policy on the school website? Your ds' school seems to be covering more than ds1's school did last year.
A friend's dd goes to this state school: www.georgeabbot.surrey.sch.uk/sex-education - sex ed for year 7 seems less forward here too.