Feeling deflated after rejection letter

[sobbingmummy]

I feel like someone has taken my little boys life and thrown it away.
We just received a letter to say he wont be called for interview after his 11+ exam.
DS is super bright, nerdy but street smart too. He wins most academic at his prep every year, G&T in school, always gets top marks in tests.
I didn't do lots of tutoring because I thought he was okay.
I'm so upset for him. What went wrong?

[Blueberrypots]

Yes I think a few of us mentioned at the top of this thread getting feedback from the school that rejected him. I think it is important to know what it was that he didn't "pass"...so you know for the future?

[sobbingmummy]

Apple, You are right. I didnt show him I was upset at all. My DH and I didn't get to go to Uni. I just wanted to give the children opportunities we didn't have. He is only 10 and I know its not the end of the world, I just had a little wobble this morning. I am happy and positive again now.

[sobbingmummy]

Blueberry, thank you. I didn't know you could ask for feedback. That would be helpful.

[Shootingatpigeons]

Specific Learning Difficulty. It covers a range of difficulties including Dyslexia and Dyspraxia. All these schools if they are worth their salt can spot the signs (eg silly errors, misreading questions) in the exam and will take into account the ability they have shown in answering more difficult questions that may be tests of lateral thinking / logic and the creativity shown in English (Those with SpLDs will often have these as strengths) even if pupils have not been diagnosed at 11 these schools are good at spotting the signs and usually by GCSE around 10 % will have had a diagnosis and support. (Sometimes difficulties do not become apparent until faced with the demands of organising themselves and coping with producing large amounts of info in timed conditions) That is what it should be since 10% of the population are affected regardless of ability. If a school does not meet that model run a mile because it suggests they are focused on results, not potential of their pupils. Some of the most selective schools in the country, the Westminsters etc. do admit boys with SpLDs and support them in this way.

[Quinteszilla]

You are mentioning maths a lot. How is his literacy?
Has he been working on the format of the literacy test? Comprehension and essay writing? What about general knowledge? Verbal reasoning? Maths is only likely to have been a fraction of the exam.

[Shootingatpigeons]

sobbing if they do not give it to you! and with hundreds applying they may not! any good Head should be using his relationship with the school to find out why his brightest boy did not get in.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

My DD sits the 10+ for a very selective school next week. All along I have told it is not just about the exam results, headmasters report is important as is interview. I have also explained that the school will be looking for a 'type' of girl and she just not be what they are looking for.
My line is as long as does her best I will be proud of her not matter what happens. I 'failed' the 10+ and my mum and dad had said this all along I remember the day the letter arrived just as a 'oh well you haven't got a place, but we know you did your best and that is all we ask'.
Reassure him that you are so proud of him no matter is my advice.

[Shootingatpigeons]

Sorry inappropriate use of exclamation marks by ipad (spot the dyslexic)

[sobbingmummy]

Thank you Shooting.

His English is better than maths. He reads all the time he has just finished Wuthering Hights as he has read all the boys books in the house.
His essay writing is great he has great imagination. He found the VR really easy as it was similar to the Bond books. This is why I dont understand it.
I will ask for some feedback but I am really fine about not getting a interview. There were over 400 boys for 60 places.

[sobbingmummy]

Heights not hights

[Quinteszilla]

Also speak to the head of your sons school what HE thinks went wrong, and why your son had not been adequately prepared.

[sobbingmummy]

DS head is not helpful. He wanted DS to stay until 13 and sit for CE Scholarship but I prefer my son to be in a secondary school and prepare for GCSEs rather than CE, needless to say he didn't share my views.

[BeckAndCall]

OP have you thought of the possibility of moving him to a different prep school for the next two years, then trying again at 13?

You should also ask for specific feedback on his papers, and maybe ask for a clerical check - did they mark the papers correctly and add up the marks right? ( these things do happen)

[sobbingmummy]

Yes I gave DS that option but he really has his heart set on going to a big school with lots of clubs and more science.

[JustAnotherUserName]

Wuthering Heights!! Through choice? A 10 year old boy! Wow.

[JustAnotherUserName]

Boys at my DC's state primary just about manage Young Bond! I guess we should have gone private......

[Quinteszilla]

Lol! when ds was in his state primary, the boys in Y6 were reading Michael Morpugo, Tom Palmer, Robert Westall, Terry Pratchet, etc. Now at a private secondary he is stuck on the Cherub series by Muchamore.... I would not judge a boy by what he reads...

[sobbingmummy]

I said earlier he is a bookworm. Hes been through all the books for his age. He actually enjoyed WH he is going to watch the film at the weekend

[JustAnotherUserName]

Cherub was in Year 5! And he too is a book worm (of sorts), but just re-reads and re-reads his favouraties (Cherub and Bond and Percy Jackson) over and over again.

Anyway, de-railing the thread....

[Shootingatpigeons]

Sobbing Not the latest film adaptation, Dreadful, most of the dialogue is f**g, the only good thing is the long long long shots of scenery!

[Shootingatpigeons]

www.theguardian.com/film/2011/nov/13/wuthering-heights-andrea-arnold-review

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

I honestly don't think you can blame yourself, after all if he had failed an exam but had tried his best and done what he thought was right you wouldn't blame him would you? Things happen and all experiences shape who you become and who you are so it is how you handle these events that is important not what the actual event is.

He is very bright obviously, he sounds hardworking and a good kid so he will do well.

What you need to do is build up his confidence and say 'look this has happened and we need to now look at what the options are and move forwards'.

Incidentally I was at a selective school, we all sat the 11+ to go up to the senior bit but 3 girls were advised to take the common entrance for another private school instead which was considered to be an easier exam for that school and our school felt they wouldn't pass the 11+. Those 3 girls would quite possibly have struggled had they gone on to our senior school partly because of the pressure but as it worked out they went to the other school and have all gone on to be very successful with exams and their lives.

IMO if a child has to be tutored to get into a school then it isn't the right school for them, either because they will struggle with the work or because the school is quite possibly a very pressurised environment and that isn't pleasant for most people.

[Blueberrypots]

Not sure how I feel about tutoring/not tutoring, ask me next month when DS1 receives his letter....most parents seem to do a bit before an exam..

We did a bit of work with him, mainly in mental maths as it is a weak area. We didn't do any bond papers as he was scoring close to 100% first time (so no point, I thought) and reading he is very good at.

Although we scared ourselves as I asked him to write a short story - beginning, middle and an end two days ago and he didn't seem to be able to. I am hoping he won't have got writer's block today, but I am about to go and pick him up from his assessment and find out!!!!! I guess if he doesn't get in we'll know why....

[sobbingmummy]

Shooting, his sister will only watch the black and white version so hes not got a choice. We always try to read the book and then watch the movie.

Blueberry, I think most parents do a lot more than we have. If I had to do it again I would tutor. Being bright does not guarantee a place.

[summerends]

Sobbing if he did some VR (and found it easy) and he has has previous IQ tests, you have been tutoring him. He sounds very advanced but I doubt that at this stage he would have been rejected because if input from his headmaster.
It's probably that he made silly mistakes or was unable to work fast enough. At that age not all DC have the maturity that enabled them to concentrate for long enough and not be overly stressed in an exam situation.