If you had to choose between being slim and eating disordered, or "recovered" but chubby

[BamburyFuriou3]

Which would you choose?

I can maintain a BMI of 20-21 (and look good) but it's a constant fight against my old anorexia /bulimia and it's hard to stop losing weight. Constantly hungry, feel cold, numb toes, obsessional thoughts etc.

Or my weight stabilises at about a BMI of 24, with no eating disorder thoughts etc. But I'm chubby, and clothes size 14/16 with a waist of 30 inches.

I was stable and "recovered" for a decade, but try and lose weight and the eating disorders just come flooding back. But I hate being fat. And not particularly healthy either.

[AhAgain]

BMI of 24 is not chubby - it is healthy.

If you feel unhealthy and worry about your weight at 20/21, then go for the slightly heavier.

[Yesyesyesyeswhatever]

Also chiming in on ED at "normal" bmi.: I was anorexic and lost my periods for a year (got restarted with hormones) at a "normal" BMi, be it the lower end of normal. Clearly, it's highly individual. We should all work with the natural bodies we were given. Sod BMI. As long as you're relatively active and eat, mostly, healthily.

[PatMullins]

I really would be ‘chubby’ at a bmi of 24

[Ta1kinPeece]

BMI of 24 is grossly overweight for me : I'd be ill

BMI is one number

what is your waist to height ratio ........

[WhyDidIEatThat]

BMI of 24 is grossly overweight for me : I'd be ill

nobody cares

[potatoscowls]

Why would anyone say that on a thread full of people with EDs

Why

[WhyDidIEatThat]

Some people are just dicks aren't they

[SuperStormborn]

Grossly overweight? Seriously?

[ladybirdsaredotty]

Recovered. Every single time. I had anorexia and then bulimia for a total of 7 years (ending 15 years ago now) and the thought of going back to that time is the most depressing thought I can imagine.

In your position I would try to get some counselling to try to see that BMI 24 is not overweight. BUT with the proviso that it should be a counsellor with an ED specialism, as EDs are, in my experience, almost impossible for others to understand unless they have been in that position or are very experienced in the field.

I'm talking about the 90s here but my GP told me to 'eat some more cakes and come back when you've put some weight on'. I was 14 and 6.5 ish stone at that point. I can still hear him saying it.

Good luck OP. I really do understand

[KarateKitten]

Recovered but chubby!! I wouldn't wish an eating disorder on anyone, least of all myself! Food is a wonderful gift and gives me so much pleasure every day, I wouldn't trade that for the world.

[BetterEatCheese]

I am recovered but chubby. I cannot think too much about my weight, don't own scales as I am scared my eating disorders will come back. I would rather be slightly overweight and relaxed about food. It's a trade off I'm happy with.

[Ttbb]

You are right in saying that both are unhealthy but as you also said your chubbiness is stable and while not ideal not that that unhealthy. Have you tried losing weight with the help of a psychiatrist or psychologist? I don't think that it is worth loading weight if you sacrifice your mental health but if you think that it is possible for you to get down to a healthy weight without jeopardising your mental health if you have the necessary support then I think that it is worth a try.

[ladybirdsaredotty]

Better totally.

(I literally only bought scales in the last 6 weeks despite being recovered for 15 years as I was so scared I'd become obsessed again. I've used them twice I think, and only because I'm pregnant. Phew)

[Branleuse]

I wouldnt want to go back to the days of my ED taking over my life, but I dont like being chubby either. I havent made myself sick for ages, but I still am careful with what i eat and have been around a BMI of 22 for a while. I dont feel disordered at the moment, but weight was dropping off me a bit before the summer and I was overly pleased about it, and started getting into bad habits of restricting even more and weighing myself all the time and thinking about it more than is healthy, so I think I need to be really careful to not even let myself start thinking like that, because i am not happy like that either.

[Schtinkay]

I would - and do - have to be slim and disordered. I don't like BMI as a measurement I think it's pretty meaningless as it doesn't take muscle into account. Mine is currently between 20-21, I'm a very active size 6-8 at 5"4.

I don't think I could let myself get any bigger than I am. I exercise a lot so I can eat a "healthy" amount.

This is normal though, right? For someone who has recovered from an ED? I mean it's pretty rare for anyone not to care about their weight, let alone someone who had an ED?

[Schtinkay]

What makes you think a BMI of 24 would = recovery? You're giving it an awful lot of thought, which doesn't scream "recovered" to me. However if you're able to consider being that size then perhaps you are? I don't know. These things aren't black and white.

[AppalachianWalzing]

I would choose healthy and recovered. If that meant chubby, so be it.

I have never had an eating disorder, but a close friend did when I was a teenager.

I don't have an emotional relationship with food, I eat till I'm full when I'm hungry then can't eat any more. I feel incredibly lucky to have that. I think if I were you I would focus on loving your body and your mind. It sounds like you're still treating them as separate entities- your mind can be healthy but then your body will be chubby. With a higher BMI, are you eating nourishing healthy food you like? Are you getting gentle exercise that makes you feel connected to your body? Focus on health all over- mind and body- and if you're eating lots of healthy vegetables and a balanced diets with treats, and being kind to yourself mentally and physically, and that ends up with you feeling heavier than you ideally would want to be, I think that is much preferable than living in fear and anxiety.

[SloanePeterson]

I face this choice every single day. For me, recovery is hard. Tbh there are times, probably the majority of the time in fact, when I HATE it. I hate being so conscious of and negative towards my body 24/7. But my god the damage I did to myself when I was in the thick of it. I've lost teeth since being recovered and that was the hardest thing for me. I know I probably have an old age of osteoporosis coming my way. I can't reverse the damage already done but I can try and stay at a healthy weight. I had an awful time about 6 weeks ago where my and dh fell out and I didn't eat for about 5 days. It was terrifying to me how easily I slipped back into that pattern, and I had to consciously make myself eat when the emotional worst was over. Fwiw, I was never underweight on bmi charts and my periods never stopped. But I lost 6 stone in 9 months and was severely mentally unwell. I struggled to accept help as I thought I wasn't bad enough.

[LollipopViolet]

I'd say recovered, as I've come to the realisation I've got a binge eating disorder, and that's where I'd like to be. I'm currently also not at a healthy weight so I'd like to get there too, but if I restrict too much I end up having massive binges in secret so that one might take a while :(

[Callamia]

How long have you been in recovery? Because I think there's scope for a middle ground.

I've been mainly well for about 14 years, and I would have had the same decision as you at one point. Now, I think I can maintain a mid-top end of BMI without needing to make myself unwell or anxious.

I was bulimic and then anorexic for 7 years, and I have no desire to return to that. It's only been more recently that I've managed to really feel like I've moved away from that all or nothing sort of thinking.

Make sure you feel good in what you're wearing - don't try and wear clothes that are too small, and exercise sensibly to feel good about your body, and what it can do. It's a long journey, so good luck.

[LuckLuckLUCK]

I am 5'5, bmi of 24.5, waist of 28inches, so v similar to you.

I am defintely not 'chubby' but normal!

[shopthenewcollection]

It's all so subjective though isn't it, everyone's idea of normal. I am very slim but not eating disordered, I just eat until I am full. I would like to weigh a bit more but not massively more just because I find moving fast and exercising pretty easy and see overweight friends' struggle a lot more and getting harder as they age.

[SophieLMumsnet]

We're just going to move this thread over to our Eating Disorders topic. OP - we've dropped you a mail, do get back to us if you have any problems at all.

[BlueSofaPinkLamp]

I was in your situation a year ago, and I’ve have chosen skinny but obsessed with food/exercise, without monthly periods, every time.

A year on, ive gone from a bmi of 19 to a bmi of 23, and I couldn’t care less! Through therapy, I realised that my eating disorder as a sign of my unhappiness and the fact I felt I dissatisfied with life, I’ve given myself a new direction and I’m studying and I’ve realised I am so much happier when not trying to control my weight.

Good luck. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it x