Bitterness over divorce when I earn much more than him

[Tracy49]

Can anyone give advice or help me get over bitterness I feel? Through 25 years of marriage I've done nearly all the household tasks, cared for the children, organised our lives. Husband has just enjoyed the ride. I now earn alot more than him because I've bothered to work up the career ladder, & finally have confidence to divorce. But in settlement it looks like he'll get more than 50% of house, plus thousands in cash, plus a big chunk of my pension! The law which is set up to support stay at home mums or those working part time is certainly not supporting me! Anyone gone through similar experience? Can I show judge how things have been through marriage? Or, how do I 'get over it'!

[pattybluebell]

Hi, so glad I found this thread and sorry for the long post! How is everyone is getting on with their divorces and what route have you used to get there? I'm currently in mediation and as main parent and higher earner and find it unfair that both parties have a blanket 50:50 entitlement to everything. We're married 14yrs, separated 3yrs, 1 child, both work. Feel I've contributed much more across the board (family life, working hours, mortgage). We're looking at family home equity split of 60:40 to me as ds lives mainly with me. It's enough for the nearly-ex to buy somewhere along with savings, mortgage free. He wants me to sell my first house, which I bought & lived in before we met & rent out having paid off the mortgage. He wants half, but contributed nothing. He may leave my pension alone but am not taking that for granted. This has taken 5 months in mediation, 1 meeting a month, but the mediator says that more meetings may not work as I'm unhappy with prospect of selling my first house. I dont want to sell! Am seeking solicitors' opinion but what else should I do? xxxx

[CouldntMakeThisShitUp]

your rental property become a part of the JOINT marital assets when you got married.
So he is within his rights to include that in the settlement.

If you don't want to sell the rental, perhaps you could offer him more of the equity in the marital home as a compromise?
You could include not claiming on your pension as part of the deal?

If you didn't want him to claim on it then you should have asked him to sign a pre-nup.....though not sure if even they hold much weight in divorce settlements.

[WalkingOnLeg0]

will be telling my daughter not to marry if she is financially independent!

I understand the sentiment. But if your daughter was in a relationship where she wasn't financially independent and the partner was refusing to get married because he was, then you would be calling him a bastard.

[Suebromley]

Guys lose out like this all the time, so its funny to read comments from us ladies whenn its on the other foot

[CouldntMakeThisShitUp]

some women want/like equality between the sexes in theory only

[Garlicansapphire]

Hmm. It starts as 50:50 including all the assets, house, pension etc and I think thats fair in a long marriage. If you were working part time you may not have the pension pot that he would have, so that all ought to have been put in the equation. But its important to make sure you get really good legal advice, know that it was a fair deal so you never ever think about it again. There's no point divorcing if you blight the rest of your life with bitterness.

I earned more and did way more with the DCs and still do, but I still think its fair to share the assets. Just that more women now are starting to earn more than their partners and they are starting to feel what its like for a lot of men who divorce and have to give a lot of the money away they worked hard for to their non working partner.

Sadly we don't get paid for doing more for the kids in monetary terms, but we do tend to in the quality of the relationship we have with them - and that lasts a life time.

[peaceout]

theprimreaper I'm not sure what the best course of action would be but there must be a way to get out, you shouldnt have to stay in a relationship like that.
Can you just start making some plans and thinking through different options?
Dont put yourself under pressure just quietly start weighing things up.

[peaceout]

when you get married you pool resources and if there is a large disparity be that in wealth, earnings or general ambition/ drive or 'smarts' it can cause problems wrt what is fair