Splitting household goods

[Strawberryshortcake40]

I'm now onto this fun stage. How have others handled it? I'm tempted to just walk away with very little apart from the DC's stuff, but I can't afford to replace much.

STBEH is being very awkward about it. Saying he wants the food mixer (which was a gift to me), he wants 1/3 of all the DC's books and toys, full custody of the Lego (!), etc etc! I had said I won't take the DC bedroom furniture so he can have that (it won't fit in their new rooms well) but of course in that case he would rather have new..... And so it goes on.

I know there is more to life than material goods but some of these things I have had 20 years, but I'm not sure I have the energy to battle for it!

[petalsandstars]

Good - you see through him. He only wants what you have or want to get at you and stop you having it.

Stop thinking about being fair to him and start thinking about yourself.

[kittybiscuits]

You can't be fair with him. He's not made that way.

[DeoGratias]

I assume at the moment you both own the marital home and both have legal rights to be there and that it is going to be sold and possessions divided.

If he takes books of the children then that's fine because he is their 50% father, half their parents and why should the children's possessions be all at one parent and not the other's as they will be splitting time between parents.

If the items being taken are of high value then that's one thing - we know people with £100k of gold in their houses (more fool them) whereas we just have junk. If he is taking books which belonged to you as a child (my ex took one of my books I would have liked to have but I just let it go) then that is very unfair. I would put the most sentimentally important ones to you somewhere safe where he cannot get his hands on them.

It is usually better to be arguing over the £500k equtiy in a house though rather than who has the knives. My ex was very sensible - i was staying here with the 5 children and he just bought mostly new stuff from his almost £1m I had to borrow to pay him. Had he wanted half the knives that's fine - I have zero interest in cutlery and most of our stuff was given by relatives and was not antique but proper junk, no resale value, 30 year old beds etc.

It sounds like yours is awful and just wants control. I suppose you solve that by not getting upset over it and just taking what you want. Sort out the books and put the ones you don't really like into his third and let him have that. Give him all the lego.

I suppose there are legal issues of who owns goods within a marriage. Loads of stuff will be jointly owned in law even if given by your mother to you eg the marital bed. That is probably a gift to both in the couple, whereas your grandma's ring worth £20k was probably given to you and is yours. It will however be marital assets to be valued in dividing all the assets whoever's name they are in just as the family cars are and the equity in homes and by to lets - no matter whose name they are in (English law).

[coffeeisnectar]

Do you have somewhere away from home you can put stuff? I'd start moving things out and storing them at a friend's house.

Full custody of the Lego? Doesn't it belong to the dc??

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

You have to rise above it to a certain degree.But I would still make sure I kept the mixer.You can be the bigger person and give in to most of his demands and then he can't kick off-but you can and should insist on the mixer which was a gift to you and which he will never use.It will eat at you forever if you don't.Well it would me anyway.The sheer pettiness of it!

[Talulaley]

I agree with above, work out what you absolutely can't do without, then negotiate on the rest. The children will need toys at both homes I imagine.

I sympathize, I did this just before Christmas. It's no fun. I made a list of everything we owned, then marked what I wanted, what I might like, what he could have. Then we sat down and talked. It took a while though .. I found we could only discuss a little of it at a time without getting upset, so then we'd leave it til another day ..

[threewords3]

In your situation I would be moving things that are yours and/or of sentimental value and storing them at a friends house. Tell him that the mixer has broken or something.

I think you might have to accept that the children's belongs may need to be shared 50/50 regardless of whether or not they spend 50% of their time with him, it will make them feel happier when they go to his.

Good luck, it's a horrible thing to have to go through.

[Bessiebigpants]

My ex took what he wanted while I was away for the weekend in centerparcs for a family event.I will never forget coming home after a busy grief stricken weekend with my children who were still little and took it in turns to get in bed with me because they were anxious to find he had taken my bed! Nothing much else bothered me but my bed still twangs.Don t let that be you op keep some control over the situation if you can.

[Eustace2016]

I don't think taking things is stealing on divorce though. No matter whose name the assets are in they are up for division on divorce whether a house, car or food mixer.

[Cabrinha]

Get your own colour sticky dots (what a dickhead!) and start labelling up what's important to you. Except... don't. Pick stuff you don't care about - and giggle inside when it suddenly becomes important to him 😉