Security camera for mum

[greenbeansnspinach]

Mum lives alone a few minutes from me. Moderate cognitive decline, and following further recent testing I’m expecting a diagnosis of dementia. Physically pretty fit for someone in their mid nineties. And although she’s been an anxious “glass half full” person all her life she’s calmer now than ever before.
My brother and I hold power of attorney.
Mum will not wear her careline bracelet or pendant, hearing aids or new glasses. I make her meals, deal with maintenance, finances, washing, shopping, sorting out muddles and panics, and generally help to maintain her belief that she is living fully independently. Mum seems to mainly potter around quite happily rearranging her massive piles of ancient paperwork and ringing the council about her bin collections. She rejects any care except from me, although has taken well to visits from “a friend” twice a week - they have a nice chat and it gives me an afternoon off occasionally.
Last week mum thought she heard an intruder in her back garden at one in the morning. Very unlikely as we live in a very safe area. Being mum, she went outside in her dressing gown and slippers to confront the intruder.
She has also a slight tendency to leave the house for unknown reasons and get a bit disoriented. Neighbours usually alert me.
For her reassurance and for mine, I’m going to get a couple of security cameras installed at the front and back doors. I would like to get one for her main living area also, given her refusal to wear her careline alarm. However given issues of intrusion/consent, I will probably have to hold off on this.
I want a system that will link to my phone and that will also record.
Sorry for lengthy post but I wanted to put full context.
Are people able to recommend a system that they have used in similar situations with an older or vulnerable person? I’ve looked in one of the electrical superstores and online so have a fair idea of prices.
Thanks in advance!

[Ohmylovejune]

My work clerk used Ring for this and had cameras in every room except the bathroom. She could watch her Mum on her phone or even dial in and say "Hi". It was useful when her Mum wasn't getting up to answer her phone, as she could see she was awake so no need to worry. It was also helpful when her Mum fell as my clerk could see her and then popped around to help her up and to check she was OK. She still isn't sure if she had actually fallen or sat down to sort out a cupboard and made a hash of failing to get back up!

I think Ring do outside cameras too. They certainly have doorbells.

[RebelMoon]

When my aunt was in a similar situation we put a Ring doorbell on the front so we could see who was coming and going. We also had a Ring camera covering a wider area of the garden. We put several of the internal cameras inside. The whole system was very useful, we could check on her throughout the day (regular falls) and speak to anyone who came to the door if necessary. We could also talk to the carers via the cameras if we needed to.

[greenbeansnspinach]

I have been looking at Ring, so that’s encouraging. Will I need a contract of some sort to be able to record?

[RebelMoon]

Yes you'll need to pay monthly to be able to access/keep recordings. Without the monthly fee you can just watch it live. I forget how much it was but I don't think it was particularly expensive. As her illness progressed, I don't know how we would have managed without it. We were a good half hour drive from her house so we couldn't call in all the time.

[Ohmylovejune]

Recordings could be helpful for incidents to have a exact note of the time and to be able to see how they happened. If she does go wandering you'd be able to look back know exactly what she was wearing as well.

[Oldraver]

I have two Tapo cameras off Amazon, around £25 that I use for the cats, you can get other makes

No I contract needed just wi-fi and a SD card in the camera . You can watch remotely, download the footage etc

[PinkMimosa]

I can't advise on cameras but I would recommend filling in the Herbert Protocol for your DM. You'll need to google her local police force and Herbert Protocol like "Norfolk Police Herbert Protocol".

It's a handy document that gives the Police an idea of where your Mum is likely to go to, what she looks like etc.

We were very, very grateful that we'd filled it in when DMIL had gone wondering at night although luckily she was found before we had to use it.

[saraclara]

She has also a slight tendency to leave the house for unknown reasons and get a bit disoriented

That is a huge concern. My MIL's 'coping' at home, with help, came to an end the day that a passing police patrol car found her wandering far from home at 5 in the morning. They took her to hospital, and from there she went to a care home.

I still worry about what might have happened had the police not come across her.

Does your mum take a handbag wherever she goes? I'd consider hiding something like a Samsung tag in it, so that you can find her if she wanders and gets lost.

[PinkMimosa]

@saraclara I'm so sorry about your DM.

Luckily my DMIL was found by us. We did end up phoning 111 later in the week as she was convinced that people were in her house abd we thought that she may have delirium.

They advised taking her to A&E who admitted her and from there she went to a Care Home.

[greenbeansnspinach]

@saraclara

She has also a slight tendency to leave the house for unknown reasons and get a bit disoriented

That is a huge concern. My MIL's 'coping' at home, with help, came to an end the day that a passing police patrol car found her wandering far from home at 5 in the morning. They took her to hospital, and from there she went to a care home.

I still worry about what might have happened had the police not come across her.

Does your mum take a handbag wherever she goes? I'd consider hiding something like a Samsung tag in it, so that you can find her if she wanders and gets lost.

Edited

Thank you, I had considered the tag idea (there’s one you can put in shoes) but she doesn’t necessarily take her handbag with her and it’s random what she will wear. On depths of winter and a cold area, she doesn’t think it’s necessary to wear a proper coat … I wouldn’t exactly call what she does “wandering” as yet although it may become so - but I’m going to follow up a pp’s suggestion of contacting local police with a description.

[vipersnest1]

@greenbeansnspinach, you don't necessarily need to go to the expense of a subscription service - you can get outdoor / indoor cameras and as long as they take a micro sd card they will record (just don't get one above the recommended capacity as they won't work). The only thing they need is a connection to the internet.
I have two EZVIZ cameras overlooking the front of my house and a blurams overlooking the back. I can set them so they notify me of any alerts if I want to.

[saraclara]

I wouldn’t exactly call what she does “wandering” as yet

My MIL has never 'wandered' before that day. Had she done, we'ed probably have known. My SIL (who didn't live locally) had been spending half of every week living with her, and going home to her family for the rest of the week, and my MIL's neighbours on both sides and opposite kept a very close eye on her. So we had a good idea of her usual behaviour.

It only took the (possibly) first time to be 'the one'. And at a time of day when everyone was asleep.

Maybe look into an alarm that sounds when she leaves the house/when the door is opened? With a camera on the same door?

[Notthegodofsmallthings]

You could ask adult social services for a care needs assessment, and they will be able to advise on the right tec to keep your mum safe. Depending on where in the country you are, they may install and fund it.

[greenbeansnspinach]

@saraclara

I wouldn’t exactly call what she does “wandering” as yet

My MIL has never 'wandered' before that day. Had she done, we'ed probably have known. My SIL (who didn't live locally) had been spending half of every week living with her, and going home to her family for the rest of the week, and my MIL's neighbours on both sides and opposite kept a very close eye on her. So we had a good idea of her usual behaviour.

It only took the (possibly) first time to be 'the one'. And at a time of day when everyone was asleep.

Maybe look into an alarm that sounds when she leaves the house/when the door is opened? With a camera on the same door?

Edited

Of course, I’m not underestimating this risk. So far mum has been able to regain her bearings when she has been to the postbox. Also we live in a small close knit village, and she’s at the end of a short cul de sac where everyone knows her and me and has my number. Things can change suddenly so although there’s some mitigation there’s also a risk!
The idea of the cameras is both for intruders and so I can see if mum leaves the house/garden. I don’t think she’d accept an alarm on the door just yet but good idea, thanks.

it’s a difficult balance just now between her independence and her safety - I’m monitoring everything very very carefully day by day.

[PinkMimosa]

I wouldn’t exactly call what she does “wandering” as yet although it may become so

I think if she's leaving the house in the cold without a coat and then getting disoriented, you are at that stage now, whether you call it wondering or not

I felt with DMIL she was always one stage further on, at least, to where everyone thought she actually was. We tend to cling to the ideal of the person we are losing.

[saraclara]

@PinkMimosa

I wouldn’t exactly call what she does “wandering” as yet although it may become so

I think if she's leaving the house in the cold without a coat and then getting disoriented, you are at that stage now, whether you call it wondering or not

I felt with DMIL she was always one stage further on, at least, to where everyone thought she actually was. We tend to cling to the ideal of the person we are losing.

Yep. I'm not remotely criticising my SIL who totally stepped up to support my MIL remaining at home, giving up her job and half of her family life to do so. But in her determination to let her mum have the best quality of life, I don't think she acknowledged the risk. As wonderful as MIL's neighbours were, they could not watch for her 24/7 when SIL wasn't there.

Basically we left it too late to move MIL for her own safety. And ultimately what happened was more traumatic for MIL then it would have been if we'd recognised when it was the right time to move her to a care home. She found the police taking her to hospital, and the hospital itself, absolutely terrifying.

[PinkMimosa]

Basically we left it too late to move MIL for her own safety. And ultimately what happened was more traumatic for MIL then it would have been if we'd recognised when it was the right time to move her to a care home. She found the police taking her to hospital, and the hospital itself, absolutely terrifying

Your poor, poor MIL.

@greenbeansnspinach I would request a Care Needs Assessment for your DM abd be present when the assessment takes place as your DM will probably have no recollection of the times she's needed help to be safe. If they need more than 4 Care visits a day it's usually suggested that they have full time care to keep them safe. If your DM is leaving the house in inappropriate clothing and needs assistance to get back home, I would say that she's already gone past the time where 4 visits would be enough and needs 24 hour care.

[BenjaminBunnyRabbit]

Op, in the kindest possible way, it does sound like your Mum is vulnerable if she is leaving the house not dressed appropriately, at random times and then getting disorientated.

Cameras will help but you are probably going to need extra help in the form of carers in the not too distant future. I would also start researching care homes now.

There is nothing worse than being admitted to hospital following a fall or walking along the dual carriageway at 3am in the morning. So many people end up in a crisis situation then discharged to a care home. It is very stressful caring for someone with dementia and you need to try to be one step ahead of what is happening.

You need to pre-empt worst case scenarios as they could happen sooner than you think.

[greenbeansnspinach]

Hey, I may have given a false impression as I was just asking for comments on one specific issue. I have already cared for two previous family members with dementia and have had to tackle all the issues, and more, that you mention. Unfortunately. Both are now dead, but I learnt over the twenty or so years that their overlapping declines played out, the need to keep a step ahead.
Technology has moved on though so I just hoped for a few tips on that side of things.
People were helpful. All is in hand.

[B0yMama2]

Before my grandad went into a care home we had a ring doorbell at the front and back door and a camera in the hallway of his bungalow that pointed into his living room where he spent most his time. The only thing with the doorbell is he would often unplug the inside chime then not awnser the door to his careers. Most of his road had my mother's number and was aware of the situation, he often went on walks then needed assistance finding his way home, often the man at the chip shop at the bottom of his road bringing him home. Annother thing was he forgot how to read so we got him a phone that had pictures with attached speed dials so he could call us but eventually he did just call us often because our picture looked nice he would tell us.

[B0yMama2]

Also every time he went missing and the police were involved they would ask us if they would like them to file a report to adult social care, to which their reports helped justify getting him a space in a care home quicker. He didn't want to go and was upset for the first few weeks but a year in he's settled at the care home