Mixed dementia

[NK346f2849X127d8bca260]

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia nearly two years ago.
Although she had always been a critical person she has now turned particularly nasty. She was very rude to my aunt , who I was always fond of, but since she died a few months back she has turned on me. Apparently I am lazy and a disappointment to her , particularly as I only work part time and home educate my daughter.
How do you deal with this?

[Rodders92]

I really do feel for you, my father has dementia and is absolutely vile most of the time and it is very difficult to accept it is just the illness when it is directed at you and the behaviour can appear very manipulative

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Remember it's the illness - it's only hurtful if there's a little bit of you that still values her opinion. If a "speak your weight" machine said "you are lazy and a complete disappointment to me" you would probably laugh - try to regard your mother in the same light.

[skiingnomore]

oh I understand this. My mother has mixed dementia. she also has narcissistic personality disorder .

in the last 10 years I had removed myself from her to get away from the vile behaviour . Now she needs constant help I have no choice. My brother is 100 miles away. My sister is 50 miles away. They never visit. I have to go up to 4 times a week. There excuse is they are too busy and too far away.

I never go alone. and I am having counselling to support.

I too wish you strength. Its very hard.

[florentina1]

The personality change is very hard and you do have to tell yourself that it is the illness that is speaking. I had the reverse, in that my nasty spiteful mother, became quite pleasant during the earlier stages of dementia. I used to think how nice it would have been if only she had always been that way.

The nastiness is so hard to deal with, I wish you strength.

[MooseBeTimeForSnow]

As difficult as it is, try to remember it’s the dementia not her.

My late mother was like this. Dreadfully rude to both me and my sister. She was convinced my sister had twins - she could always hear them crying. She didn’t go to my sister’s wedding as she was convinced they’d split up and my sister had slashed her dress to shreds with scissors.

We’d often drive to visit, me for 40 minutes or my sister for 90, and get the door slammed in our faces.

At the time, it was incredibly frustrating. I hate to admit it but I was actually relieved when she passed away.