live in carer expectations

[rabbitmat]

We have just started using a live in carer but I'm not happy with her and wonder if I am justified in my feelings. My mum does not need much personal care (can bath and dress herself, is continent etc) but she does need putting to bed at night and has mid range dementia.

The carer is nice and seems caring but she is not very capable in the home. She makes my mum the same meals over and over again (for example gives her shepherds pie 2 or 3 times every week) and they are not at all inspiring. My mum loves home made puddings and cakes but this lady just buys ready made desserts. My mum is very house proud but the carer is not very clean or tidy - she leaves the washing up after cooking and comes back and does it a couple of hours later. I went once and mum had run out of milk. Once mum was upset because there was no loo roll and she got up to try to find some and had a accident on the carpet. My mum doesn't like the carer - they haven't bonded.

I'm thinking of telling the agency that I don't want her back but I don't know if I'm just being too fussy.

[chrissie28]

I would definitely change her. The key thing for me is that your mum doesn't like her - we all have the right to choose who shares our house with us. It is her home and she needs to have a bond with the carer - it will make her quality of life so much better. You aren't being fussy - change her and keep changing until you find the right person xxx let us know how it goes

[wormery]

It sounds like they just don't gel with each other, does the carer know how you and your mum feel. I would ask for someone else to come and see your mum, interview them first if you can and be specific in your needs. Not all carers are great cooks, personally I wouldn't expect home made cakes and desserts and shepherds pie is a very good meal. It's difficult having a stranger in your home and having someone have ro help you, but the carers also need to feel at home, get the proper time off, feel part of the family.

[wormery]

I do think you need to be specific about the carers duties, how much would be personal care and how much would be housekeeping and companionship. The Lady magazine and sometimes local papers aee a good place to advertise if you are paying privately. You also then get to meet them first.

[rabbitmat]

The carer is working for an agency and we spent about 5 hours making up the care plan with the care manager. I suppose I'm comparing the carer with the home where mum went for respite. The food there was lovely and it was much cheaper than the live in carer. I'm not saying that shepherds pie isn't a good meal - but I don't think someone should have to eat it 3 times a week every week.

[Applepudding2018]

What arrangement do you have with the carer regarding money and shopping? Ate you giving her weekly money or do you get shopping delivered? We use live in care through an agency and each time there is a new carer I ask them what their preference is for dealing with this.

I also wrote put an information sheet about my parents which I give to each new carer so they know their likes / dislikes etc

Also have tried to maintain communication with each carer through texting e.g. 'Has mom eaten well today?' 'Have you tried them with eg fish pie? They really like this'

[Applepudding2018]

The other thing is that if your parent has quite high care needs a carer can actually struggle for the time to do the cleaning. I ended up paying for a cleaner 2 hours each week to hoover. The carer does laundry, daily kitchen and bathroom clean.

[Applepudding2018]

But yes, if your mom and the carer don't get on then you need to let the agency know.