"When am I going to get over it"

[rob38]

I separated from my wife in early 2019. After I separated from her she was abusive to both myself and our son, the abuse mainly occurred during 2020. Her actions have let to negative repercussions that effect myself and my son, and I have been left with trauma. I have recently sent her some angry emails about what happened, today she asked me when I was going to 'get over it'.

[PumpkinSpiceKatie]

I think her response was unkind but I don't think you were right to send her 'angry emails', either. Their tone/content may well have indicated that you're not over it. The best way to heal from the trauma is on your own, possibly with the aid of therapy, and minimal contact with her (as much as is needed to co-parent).

[rob38]

My dad had a similar experience with my mum, he's 70 and not got over it. Sending angry emails telling the person that was abusive to me exactly what I thought of them was cathartic. If someone is horrible to you, I think voicing your thoughts on that behavior to them in an angry email is fine. My emails were nothing in comparison to her actions, and they made me feel a lot better.

[BeenRoundThatBlock]

What are you hoping to get from this thread, then? If you have found sending the emails was cathartic, mission accomplished? Sounds like her replying has just annoyed you again, though.

[scrunchie2]

I think it's the fact that you're 3 years down the line and still feeling the need to send angry emails, it sounds like what you actually need is some counselling to get over it because whilst you still harbour these feelings, you're never going to be able to move on and love a happy life.

[rob38]

Maybe, it completely ended about six months ago, I've had support and counselling through the NHS and a domestic abuse charity. Sending angry emails did help, I have only sent them recently. I just felt a bit rough, that she thought I could just get over it. I have issues with trauma still despite counselling and support.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I hear you, I just wanted to say that. I'm 10 years down the line of such horrendous trauma that I don't think I'll ever be the same again. There is no point sending emails, people who inflict this on you don't care and get off on your distress. Don't give them that opportunity. I wish you happiness going forward.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Also, a good method is to type things out and leave them in draft. Or print it and burn it. They don't care, they don't care how much they have hurt you. Once you accept that, things are easier.