How do you connect/ spend time with your 14/ 15yo DDs?

[PARunnerGirl]

My partner is struggling with this. When she was, say, 5 years old she would come over for the night or the weekend and there was soft play and bedtime stories and days out. At 10 years old there were still some days out and maybe watching TV shows or cooking dinner together.

At 14/ 15 years old she is now less keen to come over in general. She will make excuses now and then not to- this seems to be mostly around general logistics and just wanting to go “home” after a long day or week at school, As much as she has her own room at my partner’s house and has had that room for 7 years now, I understand it’s not her primary home where all her “stuff” is.

When she comes over (usually a couple of evenings after school and sometimes one overnight at the weekend), most of the time is spent in her room. She doesn’t want to eat with him or us (if I am there too), although she will if he really insists. I can tell he feels hurt by this and wants to find ways to connect with her.

Logically he knows she is also like this at her mum’s, so it isn’t exactly about him or their relationship, but I know he is feeling a bit clueless about how he can connect with her at this age. Is quality time or meaningful connection a bit of a lost cause for a few years, in that she is the same at her mum’s so he is looking for something that just doesn’t exist right now? Should he just hang in there and be a reliable/ available Dad until she comes through this period of time? Or can anyone share any experiences around how they have managed to spend quality time with their DDs at this age?

[PhotoDad]

Sorry to hear about the situation, and it's great that your partner wants to be more involved in his daughter's life, even that doesn't seem mutual. Does his daughter have any particular hobbies or interests? Weekends themed around those could be a start?

[PARunnerGirl]

@PhotoDad I think this is the biggest challenge. She doesn’t have anything like that. Above all else she will choose to be in her room chatting to friends on her phone or watching Netflix. We used to be able to entice her out to dinner if it was a restaurant she liked but she really won’t do anything at all these days! It’s so hard 😔