To holiday or not to holiday...that is the question?

[bigpapa653]

Hi All

Need to some advice please,

To give some background I live with my dw, and 2 dd's and my ds lives my ex.

My ex asked me to book annual leave off work to look after my son whilst she goes on hols with her bf.

Now I'm feeling extremely angry that someone would even have the cheek to ask me this bearing in mind that I work very hard for my family and the precious time I do have off which is very limited in a full time job (26 days tops) I want too book off and spend with all my family, my ds included.

Should I feel angry that my ex has asked me this, should I speak my mind or is this an acceptable thing to do in a split household?

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated......

[bigpapa653]

not at all, just miss understood:

These two statements are contradictory:

"on the childcare piece my ex is a full time parent so there has never been the need to send ds anywhere"

"ds goes to nursery 3 days a week and i have ds 3 nights a week."

Nursery is government paid childcare which she chooses to send ds too, whilst she is a full time parent. Her choice!

Secondly i was referring to the school holidays in reference to the posters statements about day/summer camps.


And this is plain odd:

"I work because i have to pay for 2 dd's full time nursery fees as does my dw. if my ex did work then there would be a flexible working plan in place to accommodate that."

Nothing odd about it, people go to work to pay their bills. If all parties worked i would have a more flexible working approach to support childcare with ds.

[OutToGetYou]

it seems odd that she wouldn't have decided until June what was happening. - lol, you've not met dp ex then? Last year she was told all our dates months in advance, then wanted dss dates that overlapped (but conveniently were not exactly the same as) ours, so she couldn't have him as we had already booked a cottage - so then she said she was going away without him and we had to have him the extra week as well - that was early August she told us that. She apparently likes to get 'late deals'.

These two statements are contradictory:

"on the childcare piece my ex is a full time parent so there has never been the need to send ds anywhere"

"ds goes to nursery 3 days a week and i have ds 3 nights a week."

And this is plain odd:

"I work because i have to pay for 2 dd's full time nursery fees as does my dw. if my ex did work then there would be a flexible working plan in place to accommodate that."

[bigpapa653]

thanks 'rookiemere' i hope so too.

Ouriana - being a full time mum is ex choice and does not enable me to work as does not grant her annual leave from myself, i don't get 7 days off kid free annual leave for me being a parent full time. ds goes to nursery 3 days a week and i have ds 3 nights a week. I work because i have to pay for 2 dd's full time nursery fees as does my dw. if my ex did work then there would be a flexible working plan in place to accommodate that.

[rookiemere]

OP - you've been very gracious in your responses, fingers crossed you get a family holiday abroad with DS included.

[bigpapa653]

on the childcare piece my ex is a full time parent so there has never been the need to send ds anywhere

[bigpapa653]

Good, i'll ask the question

[rookiemere]

Well surely if she wants to go abroad she should be relaxed about you taking DS abroad. Worth asking the question.

Or if it's genuinely not an option then you do what other working parents do - find a football/sports/drama day camp based on his interests and he goes there for the week.

Both parents should split holiday childcare between them - just because you have a second family doesn't mean that you get to pick all the days that suit you. However she should have let you know sooner than now - I organise summer childcare and holidays well in advance and it seems odd that she wouldn't have decided until June what was happening.

[bigpapa653]

thanks for your advice everyone, I will take on board what you've said and have a good think about what to do.

[OutToGetYou]

I also am not sure why I should mess my time around to accomodate my ex's holiday?

Well, you're going to have to learn to suck it up. This is entirely normal with split families. Your ex is being selfish having a holiday without your ds, but if that's what she's like, then that's what she's like. My dp's ex is the same - she's never taken dss on holiday (and dp gave her the money to do so once and she still didn't) and several times we have covered her childcare. Mainly we've had him all school holidays for the last 6 years because they always seem to sneak up on her and she hasn't booked time off.

But, he's his dad - who else was going to look after dss? He lives with us now and she rarely ever has him - but that's just her.

Your kids are all very close in age. Can't you put ds into your dd's nursery for the week? They may have a space?

There's no point feeling angry that she asked you, that way you'll just end up with a heart attack. If you can't take your holidays at the same time (and plan in advance so you can all do this) then just tell her you can have him for the usual time, plus the holiday you have planned and as such she will have to find her own cover for that period.

[bigpapa653]

thanks but we have a decent enough relationship and i don't want to cause too much trouble which i could imagine that would do

[mummytime]

The courts would allow you to take him abroad, as long as you weren't a flight risk. So she can't just ban you from taking him abroad.

[bigpapa653]

its not a problem per say, it was my first thought. I'd love to go on holiday but we are not allowed to take him abroad.

[LilaTheTiger]

I've asked my ex to have my kids for 10 days while I go holiday with my BF. I've worked my arse off for the past 3 years and have come to the end of a contract and it's the only time I'll have to go. And it's in term time.

Despite him normally being a bellend he actually agreed. Just saying.

[TimetohittheroadJack]

In answer to your question, yes I think it's an acceptable thing to ask - you have every right to say no if you so wish but it's not an unreasonable request. And I don't think your ex can prevent you taking him abroad, although going abroad with three under 5s isn't that much fun anyway.

[HanYOLO]

Of course it is acceptable.

Ideally there will be some communication and discussion about the dates - and go on holiday at the same time? If you can't do those dates, suggest some others, when you can. Be flexible. Why would that be a problem?

[TimetohittheroadJack]

Why not just agree and go away on a family holiday that week? That way, everybody wins - your ex gets a week away with her bd, you get a family holiday?

[bigpapa653]

Decent advice appreciated please oneoldmare... I've asked for advice, why are you proposing ideas which are unjustified?

As earlier stated if you read the topic, my holiday time is spent with all my family.

How am i not taking responsibility, i'm not wanting to go on holiday and leaving my ds at home? My question was is this an acceptable thing to ask of your ex?

[oneoldmare]

I would guess that you wouldn't think twice about going on holiday with your wife and not have your son on your agreed days.
You would just take for granted that your ex just keeps him on the days you normally have him.
Its no different your ex going away.
He is your son.
Take responsibility!

[bigpapa653]

to the other point my ex has told me we are not allowed to go abroad so we have to holiday in england, i wouldn't expect anyone to have to look after ds as in all honesty i would always take them with me.